BEDA 31: blog 'o' random stuff

Since today is the last day of BEDA, and I actually have several things to talk about; this post is coming in several parts. So get ready for some weird random moments where things might not make sense.

PART 1

This month has really stood out among the last three or four, for the good and for the bad. But either way, I wouldn't change anything, and I sure as hell don't regret a thing.

One of the things that I got out of this month, was I finally realized how much my family supports me.  Especially my mom.  Since we moved out on our own, we've had our fair share of spats, mostly over little things; mainly about whether or not I raised my voice at her, which I honestly try not to do, but sometimes it does happen.  This month however though we've still had several spats about little, almost not important things, my mom has really stood beside me and helped me with making decisions.  Sure she's riding my ass about a few things, reminding me about them every. single. day., but I know she's doing it out of love for me and wants to see me succeed.

PART 2

Along with PART 1, another thing that's happened this month, is obviously my blogging abilities.  I'm really happy that I decided to take part in BEDA, not only did it give me something to look forward to and something I basically made apart of my daily schedule it helped me a lot personally.  For example, I prefer to write my emotions out versus talk them out.  This is why I tend to e-mail frequently; I do this because my brain and my mouth don't usually connect completely and what I want to say never comes out like my brain planned it.  That aside, the main reason why I'm so happy I did BEDA, and stuck with it, was to document memories. I mean, as a favorite quote of mine reads: "Because memories fall apart, too. And then you're left with nothing, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow." (from Looking for Alaska by John Green)  I want something to look back on and remember the good times I had.

PART 3

This is why I've decided I will continue to post regularly, along with the fact that I really have come to learn that I enjoy blogging immensely.  I kind of have an idea on when I want to post, but I'm not entirely sure. It'll just have to depend on how things go. I'm sure though, that I'll post frequently during the weeks if interesting stuff happens.

PART 4

I had initially thought about making this the actual post for today until I realized while eating dinner that I had a lot of things to cover in today's post. But I had a complete nostalgic moment today during my civics.  I was mainly thinking about how I've changed through the years, especially in theatre.  Which reminded me about our long conversation between Levi, Mr. Mitchell and I about freshman year during Dracula when we ended up playing some of the creepy music we used and looking at a bunch of photos.  And then I just got to thinking in general about the random things I did with my friends over the years.  At one point, I thought I was going to cry because I realized exactly how much I'm going to miss Mulvane when I graduate.  I know though that my time has come/is coming to leave it all behind and start a new book in my series of my life; but that school holds so many good memories.

PART 5

Part five really isn't even important, mainly because I thought leaving it off at PART 4 would be weird, because I have this thing, that if it's below the number of five, it's not important. That was a weird explanation I know, but now this blog post is important, because there's 5 parts to it, not just 4.

Oh, I guess I could add in this random fact, but I haven't listened to Still Got Legs in nearly three days....it's weird....

Today was awesome because: I survived BEDA.

days until the fall musical: 46
days until I become an adult: 128
days until graduation: 262
steps taken today: 2,190+

BEDA 30: debate

The other day I kind of mentioned something about making a decision of sorts, and I basically just left it at that, a cryptic and sort of worthless statement that explained nothing.  It has to do with debate, and it was actually a really big decision I made, and I couldn't have done it without the strong support of my mom.

I dropped debate.

In other words, I'm saying I quit debate.  Saying I "dropped" it (referring mainly to dropping the class) is the cowardly way of admitting that I did in fact quit debate.

WHY YOU QUIT?!

Gah, so many people have asked that. I genuinely love debate, but this season is/was different.  I think the largest part of it is that it is senior year and I have a lot of things riding on these two semesters, I can't afford to muck up.  And considering when I finally made the decision during the summer that I wasn't going to debate at a collegiate level, things went bad.

It wasn't that I wasn't applying myself and not working hard, because I was doing both.  Between things already getting in the way with school and the fact that my partner wasn't in the debate class with me, it made working, or attempting to work on case extremely difficult.  I was stressing out way too much.  There was three days last week when I came home crying because of the situation.

Up until today, I haven't said much about dropping debate.  I switched from debate to music history eighth hour on Friday, and no one really noticed until today.  Sure the other advanced debaters are slightly upset that they lost someone from the team, but I know that at least one person for sure doesn't blame me considering the amount of extra hard work I have to do this fall during the show to work on that theatre activity scholarship.

So there you have it. You know about my decision now, and to be truthfully honest, since Friday I've been so much happier. I've started throwing about debate papers I sure as hell don't need, and deleting stuff off my laptop.  In general, I'm a lot happier.

days until the fall musical: 47
days until I become an adult: 129
days until graduation: 263
steps taken today: 1,998+ I really didn't do much walking today. WEIRD.

BEDA 29: words and stuff

Today was such a great day, but yet I'm so incredibly tired; thus the reason that this is a short blog post for today.

It's weird to think that in a few months time, it would have been a year since this photo was taken.  It was taken on Veteran's Day at our church banquet that our youth group has put on for the last three years.  I had just recently started using my wheelchair when this photo was taken at the banquet.  It's kind of a weird concept to me how fast time can pass us by, I can't believe that it would have been a year since I started using my wheelchair, and now look at me.  I would have never believed anyone if they had told me my future within the next eight months after that photo. I would have looked them square in the eyes and told them they were kidding me.

On a side note, not really anything to do with the thought from above; but still goes along with this phot, these four girls that are in the photo with me, are four of my close friends.  I don't see them as often as I would like, but I still see them nonetheless.  They share what I haven't really been able to share with most of my friends, my love for God. They understand my views on religion and we always have a good time together.  I'm so lucky to be able to have the opportunity to go with these four ladies to New Orleans this summer for a national church gathering.  The "gang" as our youth leader called us a couple of weeks ago, is back together again.

Today was awesome because: so many good things happened today, I can't even begin to explain. Just know that it was an awesome day.

days until the fall musical: 48
days until I become an adult: 130
days until graduation: 264
steps taken today: 10,016+

BEDA 28: the worries never worried over

Preface: Once again, no editing, just words and thoughts and stuff.

I don't know how I ended up on a Q&A page on hip replacements, it seems to happen often at random times, and it got me thinking.

I didn't even know exactly what happened when they do a total hip replacement, but yet, I didn't bother even to ask anyone or SURPRISE, research it on the internet.  I didn't even worry about things, except maybe if it was truly going to take away my pain and discomfort and I didn't worry about that much because I trusted my surgeon, Dr. Cusick and I knew he wasn't going to muck anything up.  My parents did a pretty damn good job at keeping me clueless so I wouldn't get scared out of it.  But I think, even if I had known some of the information I know now, that I still would have gone through it fearless like I did.

It's sad to think that I was in so much pain and discomfort that I didn't even worry over anything remotely significant about the surgery.  I was happy about it for the most part.  I had accepted it and above all else, like I've mentioned before, I wanted it done.

When it comes to my hip, over the years I've become pretty fearless.  Most things that doctors have thrown around didn't remotely scare me.  And yet, here I am, still thinking about what I would be like if I hadn't had the surgery.

One doctor had the audacity to tell me I had to live with it for the rest of my life.  Time and time again, I've wanted to go back and show him how much better I am since he told me hip replacement was a bad idea at age 17.  But part of me wonders what would have been if I did just "live with it".  Eventually, like all things, I'd learn to live with it.  I mean, I've had a hip "problem" for the majority of my life, and I made do. I lived my childhood.  But it scares me think of going out into the world after graduating with that severe of a problem.

...abrupt ending, but that's all I've got for today.

days until the fall musical: 49
days until I become an adult: 131
days until graduation: 265
steps taken today: absolutely no idea, I forgot to put my pedometer on today...*hides in shame*

BEDA 27: that ape movie

Hey internet, how's it going? I've been feeling rather disconnected from you since school started, especially this last week. *sigh*

Today, as planned, my dad and I went to the movies to see, and I quote my dad, "That ape movie".  That ape movie, Rise of the Planet of Apes, was actually quite good in my opinion.  I think nearly every aspect of filming it was quite good.  I enjoyed watching my dad's reaction at various parts of the film through the corner of my eyes, I knew he had seen the original version before and I think he was surprised at how much more refined they made it.

I did however find it kind of long at points.  Especially the beginning part, but I really enjoyed the fact that yes it did take forever for the main plot of the movie to arise, but the background to it was a perfect timing.  I liked seeing Caesar grow up to the point where the main plot of the story began.

Overall, I think it was a great film; would I go back and see it again, probably not. But if I were to come across it on DVD in the future, I would probably watch it again.

Today was awesome because: My dad and I watched the new episode of Doctor Who together, and it was FANTASTIC, and I pretty much got him hooked on the show, again. He was on the bandwagon before I was, secretly of course; and then fell off of it until recently when I started bugging him about it.

days until the fall musical: 50
days until I become an adult: 132
days until graduation: 266
steps taken today: 2,371+

BEDA 26: a good end to a crap week

This week has been extremely bad for me, and I was on the verge of another meltdown this afternoon.  But after going to dinner with my parents, and then to the green and white (our school colors) scrimmage with two of my close friends, it made things a lot better.  Plus, I guess the Welcome Back to School Dance was alright, I mean, it was the best one they've had, it only took FOUR years to get it.  But regardless, tonight, I was able to just be myself and not worry about things.

I also made a big decision today that involved something I love to do very dearly. But I'll elaborate on that later, I dont' want to kill the good mood I'm in talking about that; plus, I'm dog tired and ready to go to bed.

So, I guess that's pretty much it I think.  Oh, dad and I are planning on going to the movies tomorrow after noon to see Planet of the Apes, we've both really wanted to see it since the trailers started coming out. Maybe I'll review it tomorrow...

Until tomorrow. (:

Today was awesome because: I made a new friend, Jennifer, she's a freshman, and she actually surprised me by coming up to me and started a conversation. All the freshman this year are scared to death of the seniors, and though that's how I think it should be (bahaha), I was happy she put forth the effort to talk to me. She sounds like a pretty cool girl.

days until the fall musical: 51
days until I become an adult: 133
days until graduation: 267
steps taken today: 14,642+

BEDA 25: bucket list, part two

I would like to preface this blog post with the fact that today has been extremely awful, between joint pain so bad I had to take the strongest medicine I have which ended up making me stay home because I couldn't drive while taking it or even function through school; all among other things, including but not limited to a paper that I still have to write.  So you're getting another part to my bucket list.

• go to Africa I honestly have no idea why I have such an attachment issue with Africa, but I just do, and I'd love to go to Africa and do some missionary work.  My want to go to Africa is five times worse after hearing about my best friend's trip he just got home from doing missionary work in Africa.
• go noodling it's a dangerous sport/activity, but I wanna give it a try, just once. I think though, besides the fact that I'd be slightly scared to do it, that I'd really enjoy it. I mean, fishing with nothing but your hand, how much more awesome can you get?
• learn how to play guitar and/or piano over the last few years I've kind of taught myself how to play some guitar and more recently how to play some piano.  The problem with this though is that I have neither.  I feel like it'd be something I could really get into and something that I would thoroughly enjoy.
• be in Washington, DC during the Fourth of July holiday I love my country something fierce, and July 4th is one of my favorite holidays because we get to celebrate our country and all of it's good and it's bad.  Being in Washington DC during the holiday would be amazing, especially for the major fireworks display; it looks fantastic on television, but I can't even begin to imagine what it would look like IRL.
• walk a 5k if you haven't noticed by now, I freaking love to walk, especially since joint replacements (more specifically knees and hips) love to walk; I've tried to get my mom talked into going to one, but she doesn't think I have enough stamina to do the full thing.  And I think she's right.  I want to get to a point where I can walk a 5k and go home happy.

The more things that I actually put down on my bucket list, I find it's harder to remember the things that I wanted to do before I started writing them down...

Today was awesome because: I got to paint my senior parking stall at school, and though I didn't get the paint colors I was hoping to get, I was happy with what I got and how it ended up.

days until the fall musical: 52

days until I become an adult 134

days until graduation: 268

steps taken today: 3,222+

BEDA 24: someday we'll meet again

I don't know exactly why I've been thinking about this lately, but I have; I think it might be because I dreamed about it earlier in the week, but I didn't exactly remember it, but I knew it had something to do with it...but I'd thought I share my thoughts.

When I was in Shriner's Hospital for Children nine years ago with my hip problems, One of my room mates was a girl about my age named Gracie.  I remember her quite well, and I remember the time I had first met her.  I don't know the full extent of why Gracie was there exactly, but I know that her right leg was shorter than her left because she had a special brace that they drilled holes into her leg, and every day they would move a special dial on the brace and slowly, day by day, the brace would lengthen her leg.

We used to stay up with each other and watch movies on nights when we had extreme pain.  She was so incredibly nice the day I had my first surgery on my hip, when I couldn't eat anything and she ate her breakfast on the other side of the curtain without me even knowing so I wouldn't get jealous of her food.  We would play Mario (I think it was Mario) together down in the rec room together.  And we usually always ended up doing our seperate physical therapy side by side.  You could basically say we were best friends, and at the age of eight, we pretty much knew everything about each other.

Gracie was from the St. Louis area and it took her only about twenty minutes to get home, so she always had a weekend pass to go home on the weekends, unlike me who lived over eight hours away from home.

I don't really remember the day that I was discharged from Shriner's, which is weird, because you would think I would remember something like that after spending over two months in the hospital; but I don't.  I don't remember saying good bye to Gracie, or even if I did say good bye to her. And that kind of bothers me slightly. We helped each other through some hard times, and even though looking back on it, several years later, it seems weird to say that we went through hard times, we were just kids having fun even though we were in the hospital.  But we got through things together, we were always there for each other when we were having rough days.

We didn't get any contact information from Gracie or her family and that's something that I regret.  I try not to regret things that I did or haven't done, but this is one of those instances that I really do regret it.  There have been several times over the last few years when I start thinking about Gracie and want to call her up and see how's she's doing now, but I have nothing. Not even a last name.

I have a gut feeling though, that one of these days, we'll meet each other again, probably by accident; and I can't wait for that day.

Today was awesome because: I got to see my best friend who finally got back from his trip to Africa yesterday. It was fantastic to see him after a long two weeks away from him.

Oh, and a side note, I nearly hit a woman riding her bike this morning on the way to school; obviously she didn't know how to look out for vehicles.

days until the fall musical: 53
days until I become an adult: 135
days until graduation: 269
steps taken today: 5,278+

BEDA 23: random words and thoughts and stuff

I have a presentation to give tomorrow in my business class, it's just the run of the mill beginning of semester stuff, where it all relates to the person giving the presentation.  We have all these requirements for the power point, and one of the slides I labeled was "important dates".  I had thought long and hard about including this slide in my presentation because I obviously put February 14th down for when I had my hip replaced.  I don't mind getting up and presenting something to a group of people, I mean, I debate and perform, so that's not what I'm worried about.  Actually I don't know why I feel like I'm worried; but I debated with myself whether or not to include the slide because explaining my hip requires a lot of talk, and I don't want to bore people; but at the same time, I feel like I need to share this piece of information because it IS  apart of me and who I am.

In other news, I've been playing Still Got Legs so often, especially in my car, that Marcella has had Kiss the Girl stuck in her head for a couple of days now. I feel rather accomplished, considering that there were a couple of other songs, like Snape vs Snape by Ministry of Magic and Mrs. Nerimon by ALL CAPS that I got stuck in her head over the summer.  She told me this morning on the drive to school that I'm slowly converting her to become a non-main stream music listener. I laughed. I mean, I only listen to main stream music when we're hanging out.

I'm still feeling pretty confident about keeping up with my homework.  It's amazing how good it feels to actually be doing legitimate homework again.  I wish I could have had this feeling the last three years so my grades wouldn't have ended up so crappy.

I've come up with a couple of blogging projects for the next couple of months, so I can slowly ease out of blogging every day, but yet at the same time, still blog. I fear that once BEDA is over that I'll just stop blogging for a long period of time and forget about it, and I'm determined not to let that happen.  I'll share what I have in store for next month when we get closer to the start of September.

In civics today, I managed to take a nap during the lecture/video and still take over detailed notes. +45 points

Oh, we had our school photos today.  Was a pain in the butt, but that was because I refused to dress up nice for the entire day, so I had to do a lot of extra walking so I could go change to be presentable and then go back to change back into my sweats. I think that the photos ended up well though, we should be getting the proofs sometime later this fall.

And, of course, if you saw my tweets from earlier this evening when I was working on homework, you would see one about note taking...my earth space science teacher wants notes taken in a certain way, which is really a pain to do when you've got your own specific way you take notes, especially if it's a lot more efficient. So, not happy about that, but I completed the reading and notes; I had no other choice.

Meh, random, out of place blog, completed. Like it's titled, it's just random words and thoughts and stuff.

Today was awesome because: My best friend is back state side after his long trip to Africa. I can't wait to see him when he finally gets into town.

days until the fall musical: 54
days until I become an adult: 136
days until graduation: 270
steps taken today: unknown, because the pants I wore today the pedometer doesn't stay on the waist band, so I put in my pockets, and it only counted 162 steps. ):

BEDA 22: background noise, but not really

I've noticed recently, that I work and generally tend to focus better if I have a background noise or something else to work on. For example, during the lecture today in my civics class, I retained more from the latter half of the lecture when I started doodling on my paper. I don't know why this is, but it just is.  I was watching Doctor Who not too long ago as I was finishing up my civics assignment.

Whether it's having my headphones on and playing music softly so that I can still hear it, but it's not my main focus, or if I just have something running on my laptop like a Youtube video or something streaming for Netflix, it always seems to help me get my work done, and I generally can retain more it seems.

In other news, it rained today, like when I got up this morning. It was nice, especially considering this is twice this month that when it rained my joints hadn't hurt before hand. Which is also kind of weird, because I like knowing when it's going to rain.  Also, a plus, I managed to incorporate Doctor Who into my English assignment over heroes today, I felt pretty freaking awesome.

Today was awesome because: I finally received my hard copy of Still Got Legs in the mail from DFTBA Records. I've listened to it several times in my stereo in my room, it just sounds so much better in the big speakers than my crappy laptop ones.

days until the fall musical: 55
days until I become an adult: 137
days until graduation: 271
steps taken today: 2,488+

BEDA 21: shuffle that music

My brain shut off completely about an hour and a half ago, so I'm just going to do a the Music Shuffle Meme that went around Facebook a while ago with my friends. This isn't the exact one, but close enough to it. I thought it might be interesting considering the wide variety of music I have on my iTunes.

The rules are:
Put your music player on shuffle and for each question hit next song and put in the song title as the answer.

Will I get far in life?
Halfway Gone by Lifehouse

How do my friends see me?
Any Man of Mine by Shania Twain

Where will I get married?
The Subwave Signal by Chameleon Circuit

What is my best friend’s theme song?
Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars

What is the story of my life?
Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift
What was high school like?
Hey You by Miranda Cosgrove
How can I get ahead in life?
Halfway There by Big Time Rush

What is the best thing about me?
Travelling Man by Chameleon Circuit

How is today going to be?
The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert

What is in store for this weekend?
The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars

What song describes my parents?
Delta Dawn by Tanya Tucker

My grandparents?
I Want to be a Cowboy's Sweetheart by Patsy Montanna

How is my life going?
What's This? by Danny Elfman

What song will they play at my funeral?
The Sound of Drums by Chameleon Circuit

How does the world see me?
Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap

Will I have a happy life?
More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz

What do my friends really think of me?Blink by Revive 
Do people secretly lust after me?
A Little Opera Goes a Long Way by Sky Sailing

How can I make myself happy?
Ode to Billie Joe by Bobbie Gentry

What should I do with my life?
Duet with Myself by Charlie McDonnell

Will I ever have children?
Single Ladies by A Rocket to the Moon

What is some good advice?
Indigo by Tom Milsom

What is my signature dancing song?
Holly Hop by Buddy Holly

What do I think my current theme song is?
Last Man Standing (Bon Jovi)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Franklin by Paramore
What type of men/women do you like?
Nerdfighteria Island by Hank Green


Bahaha, some of those ended up quite funny from my perspective of things. I kind of got side tracked while doing this, I kept wanting to listen to an entire song, but then I kept remembering I needed to get this done.


Hopefully tomorrow my brain feels up to actually blogging about something of importance.


days until the fall musical: 56
days until I become an adult: 138
days until graduation: 271
steps taken today: 3,564+

BEDA 20: where to start

Actually, the title to this post is misleading, and I'm far too lazy and tired to change it. There's not even a place to start today with this blog, I'm so tired and drained of energy from being out in the heat the last two days ALL day with the team that the only thing that's in my thoughts right now is how freaking comfortable my bed looks less than four feet from where I'm sitting.

So once again, this will be a rather short blog. And I'm tempted to just stop it right here, but alas, I'll attempt to tread onward, but forgive me if nothing makes sense.

Drug out of bed; funnel cake, broken tent, water, volunteering, parade, Shriner, booth, fried pickle, onion blossom, frozen cheesecake on a stick, almost fall, Kenzie.

There, now I know what I'll talk about tomorrow when I can string more words together and make it sound fancy.  As for now, I'm headed off to bed.

Today was awesome because: we made bank at our booth; way more than we planning on making. Which means we can travel more this season for debate.

days until the fall musical: 57
days until I become an adult: 139
days until graduation: 272
steps taken today: 10,334+

BEDA 19: team bonding

Today was day one of Old Settlers, and my God, this has to be the hottest one to date. It was miserable out there, but it was extremely worth it and wasn't as bad as it could have been if it wasn't for the fact that our National Forensics League team was all in it together.  We had a freaking awesome time.

This is the first year we've had a booth at Old Settlers, we decided to finally do it this year to help fundraise for our traveling tournaments during both debate and forensics seasons.  While other booths were selling jewlery, or baked goods, we were letting people pie teachers in the face for a mere $3. Let me tell you, it's extremely fun.

I didn't even have to work a shift today at the NFL booth, but I had absolutely nothing better to do then finish up my reading assignment I decided not to do last night that isn't due until Monday, so I walked downtown. And then eventually ended up staying the rest of the day. I was happy I did, it was extremely fun just to sit around and hang out with the team and watch students pie teachers in the face. Plus, I let my good friend Lizzy, who I mentored last year when she was a freshman for our thespian club, pie me in the face.  She decided to add honey to the whip cream pie. The worst part about it was that she pied me at seven,and I didn't get to shower until about ten thirty, letting all that honey that ended up in my hair just sit in my mane and getting sticker than anything you could imagine in the hot sun.  But it was so definitely worth it.

Today was awesome because: I got to pie my debate/forensics coach in the face. He told me it was declaring war, but it was worth it. I mean, how often do you get the chance to pie your coach?

days until the fall musical: 58
days until I become an adult: 140
days until graduation: 273
steps taken today: 13,751+

BEDA 18: it's a national holiday

As promised, today I'm going to explain Mulvane Old Settlers to you.  It's actually quite a pretty easy concept to grasp. It's basically like a county fair, but just for Mulvane celebrating our town.  It happens every third August, no matter what the wheather is like.  There's been years where it's flooded most of Saturday, and other times when it's hotter than hell out.  The latter I'm most positive is what this year will consist of.

Old Settlers first started way back in 1873 as the quad-county fair.  Eventually though, at some point it became Mulvane Old Setters, or often referred to as Old Settler Days, or just M.O.S.  I think having Old Settlers is a great thing to really appreciate the history that there is in this town.  The train depot at the end of Main Street once was an extremely busy place when the railroads where the major transportation.  The small town that most think Mulvane was back when it was first settled wasn't all that small compared to other places.  Mulvane was a railroad town, we had even had the Santa Fe Railroad Memorial Hospital, and let me tell you, it wasn't a small hospital.

We had an opera house, a hotel, and a movie theatre at one point.  Although all three of these things and the hospital are long gone there are still several remains of what there was before.  Looking back in the historical museum that is actually in the old train depot, there are photos of Mulvane through the years since a bit before it was even settled by Joab Mulvane.  There are several buildings on main street that are actually still standing there today.  The old movie theatre, the building is still there, but it's been converted into our public library.  And the hospital, it was eventually taken down and a nursing home was built in place of it. If it hadn't been for the fact that so many things needed changed in the building, I honestly think that the hospital might still be there today.

Among these buildings, one that really stood out to me in my research over the summer of Mulvane, is the two story school house that used to sit on the play ground of our current grade school.  The places I mentioned above, I can pretty easily picture in my head how they would have looked all those years ago, mainly because everything is still in it's place as it was in the photos taken.  But for the two story school house, that just seems insane to me because up until recently I had absolutely no idea that we even had a two story school house at one point, and it's just hard for me to imagine it really being there. Of course though, I think that building too might still be standing if there hadn't been a fire...

Among all this, Old Settlers is just a way of celebrating all of the history of our town.  Over the years I've learned things about Mulvane, but not as much as I did when I researched this past summer, it really gives a lot more meaning to a lot of the things we do during Old Settlers.

Old Settlers starts the third Friday of August and includes Main Street and Main Street park being shut off for the entire weekend.  We have a decent sized carnival that includes the same rides that my brother remembers all too clearly riding when my parents and brother first moved down to Mulvane several several years ago.  One of the most interesting and traditional things, besides the food booths, that happens during Old Settlers is the wide variety of booths that are set up.  It's just interesting to walk through the park and look at every single booth, the majority of them sell clothes and jewelry, but each one has something different from the last.  And the merch sellers are really friendly and chatty.

And of course, what would be a fair or town celebration without a parade?  The parade has always taken place on Saturday in the morning.  There's such a wide variety of people and things in the parade I couldn't even begin to describe it.

Mulvane Old Settlers is a big deal around here.  Even for a few of the surrounding towns, though we're the only ones who get off a day early from school for the festivities.  It's a holiday to us, we've never gone to school the third Friday of August, EVER.

Sorry if this was too much rambling. I enjoy sharing the things I know a lot about and this is one of them.

Today was awesome because: everyone is getting their booths ready down town for Old Settlers, and even though it's a pain in the but while driving because you have to take the detours around Main Street, it's still really exciting.

days until the fall musical: 59
days until I become an adult: 141
days until graduation: 274
steps taken today: 4,251+

BEDA 17: sick already

I'm taking a break from my reading for English right now, not because it's difficult or anything, but because the words started blurring together and I got dizzy for a moment.  Among being slightly dizzy I've got a headache, earache, my nose is running like a flooding river, and my throat hurts like hell.  All I want to do is take a shower, and go to bed.  But I'm not, not now at least.  I promised myself and my mom that I was really going to make up for the last three years, especially last year since it was probably the worst year I had academically.

Honestly, nothing remotely interesting happened today. Except for the fact that I had my first "real" pop quiz. That I failed at miserably. But I don't think it was for a grade, just to show us we didn't know what we were doing on the homework from yesterday.  Oh, and I guess that using some senior privileges was fun...making the underclassmen move from our table; don't worry I was pretty nice about it, I mean, we were once in their shoes, and they still seem to be pretty shaken up over our prank we did Monday night.

The only other thing I could think about to talk about is Old Settlers, and I'll explain about the awesomeness that it is tomorrow seeing as looking at my computer screen is starting to make my headache five times worse.

Today was awesome because: they finally gave my computer log in information at school since they didn't have me on the list.

Until tomorrow.

days until the fall musical: 60
days until I become an adult: 142
days until graduation: 275
steps taken today: 3,456+

BEDA 16: random stuff

Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still awake and able to blog tonight. Though I got off a bit easier, seeing as I just answered a bunch of questions tonight. But regardless, they made me think and after the English homework I had to do when I got home from school, it was a tough task.  Today went pretty well, besides the fact that the office ladies gave me the wrong locker combination so I couldn't get in my locker at all today.  But it was alright, I found our head custodian, John, and we figured it all out. He was really super nice about it though I know he was probably at his wit's end with all the students he had to put up with today asking him to fix their lockers.  Even the homework wasn't too terribly bad, it just made me think a lot, though I think I made it more difficult than it was supposed to be, something I'm pretty good at doing it seems.

Anyway, I did the 15 Weird Questions Tag that Luke and Ingrid did yesterday for their VALA and Volgust videos. I decided it seemed like something interesting enough to do, so yeah. I kind of got lazy towards the end and didn't write much. Forgive me? It was a long day.

#1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?

Baby Red, or just red.  On my dad’s mother’s side of the family, a lot of the cousins all have red hair.  And we’ve all got a special nickname within the family that ends in Red.

#2. What's a weird habit of yours?

I almost always have to fall asleep on my right side. I don’t know why I do this, but ever since I had my first hip surgery, I’ve always fallen asleep on my right side.  It was a pain in the butt after my hip replacement when I couldn’t lie on my side.

#3. Do you have any weird phobias?

I fear being in water that I can’t touch the bottom of with my feet and still have my head above water. I explained some of this in an earlier post when I talked about how I think once I learn to swim that phobia/fear will go away.

#4. What's a song you secretly love to blast & belt out when you're alone?

I don’t secretly blast any song in particular, I always have music on, but I think if I had to choose it’d be Snape vs. Snape by Ministry of Magic or I’ve Got Nothing by Chartjackers

#5. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?

When people don’t use their turn signals when driving.  There’s a reason why cars have them.

#6. What's one of your nervous habits?

I just now realized this one, because I never really could think of anything I did when I’m nervous, but I chew on the inside of my bottom lip or the inside of my cheeks.

#7. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I sleep in a twin, so I take up the entire thing. And when I used to sleep in my full bed I sprawled out across it.

#8. What was your first stuffed animal & it's name?

I don’t remember my first stuffed animal, mostly because they were from my early childhood. But the one I remember and still have to this day is a Ty Beanie Baby bear that’s multi-colored.  Her name is Mellow, and she’s been through every single surgery I’ve had done on my hip.

#9. What's the drink you always order at starbucks?

Cold coffee. In general, cold coffee. That’s the only way I’ll drink coffee.

#10. What's the beauty rule you preach, but never actually practice?

I always tell my friends who ask me how I keep my face from breaking out to wash their face twice a day, once in the morning and then again at night before bed…but I usually don’t wash my face twice a day.  Though, recently I have been getting better at it.

#11. Which way do you face in the shower?

I think I usually tend to face away from the shower heard, so the water is on my back.  Never really thought about it before now.

#12. Do you have any weird body 'skills?

None that I can think of…

#13. What's your favorite comfort food thats 'bad' but you love to eat it anyways?

I eat a lot of random food, but I don’t really have a comfort food.  Though I guess I should probably admit that if my mom bakes anything, I definitely have a feast. She makes the best cakes.

#14. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say?

I don’t think I have a phrase I say often, I say a lot of completely random nonsense all the time.  But my most recent one seems to be NO, 42, LEFT in response to almost anything. Just don’t ask why.

#15. Time to sleep!! What are you actually wearing?

T-shirt and an old pair of shorts. If it’s really cold I’ll wear a hoodie.

So yeah, nothing to extravagant or anything.  I tag all of you, to do this at some point, or not. Link us in the comments if you do decide to do it.

Today was awesome because:  For the first full day back at school since January, I have absolutely no pain whatsoever in my joints, and you have no idea how happy that makes me, I'm so emotional over it. Also, there's a sophomore in my Earth Space Science class that's a Whovian, and from the sounds of it, she's a pretty big fan, so I've got a feeling we'll be getting along quite well in that class.

days until senior year starts: 0 *dances* the first day was pretty freaking awesome

days until the fall musical: 61

days until I bcome an adult: 143

days until graduation: 276

steps taken today: 7867+

BEDA 15: head desk moments

Do you ever just get those moments where you want to head desk, or face palm? Gah, today has been a day completely full of those moments.  When I got home this morning from Marcella's I came into my room and threw my bag on my bed and looked at the massive basket of laundry I still have to put up from Saturday's laundry trip. "I'll do it tomorrow morning." I thought, I had other more pressing matters to attend to today than putting up laundry. And then I remembered that tomorrow morning I'd be freaking out about the fact that school was starting. *head desk*

About an hour and a half ago, my dad came in for lunch, and I asked him if I could come out this afternoon and clean my car out so I could use the shop vac to clean my floor boards.  He said it was alright, but asked if I could come out tomorrow morning instead.  I agreed, it'd be cooler in the morning...and then my mom stepped in, reminding both of us that school starts tomorrow. *head desk*

There's been a few other moments where I've just completely forgotten about what tomorrow is and keep trying to move plans to tomorrow, but it just doesn't work that way anymore. *sigh* I guess my procrastinating needs to stop ASAP.  But alas, as much as it sounds like I'm completely dreading tomorrow, and though I kind of am in a way, I'm not completely fighting it. It's just one of those head desking days today.

This is totally off topic and everything, but I want to congratulate Kathy on getting 50 followers yesterday (or whenever it actually happened).  I definitely recommend heading over if you have the time to her blog which can be found here and poke around for a bit.  I always enjoy reading her blog posts, and who knows, maybe you will too.

Today is awesome because: I finally ordered Chameleon Circuit's newest album, Still Got Legs through DFTBA Records.

days until senior year starts: 1
days until I become an adult: 144
days until graduation: 277
steps taken today: 1202+

BEDA 14: muscles I swore I never had

So today, my sister (Marcella) and I went to the local gym to play some volleyball since they just put the nets up for the season that is now approaching.  It was basically empty when we got there, which I wasn't at all surprised considering it was after all a Sunday afternoon and was fairly nice out...and by fairly nice out I mean, it was 90 degrees out and considering the fact that it's usually been in the 125 degree range for most of the summer, 90 degrees was pretty nice.

Anyway, we were the only ones on the court, which was nice, considering I haven't played volleyball since seventh grade, which seems like it's twice as long ago as it actually is and I wasn't for sure if I wanted to emberass myself or not in front of people that I probably didn't know.  Ther ewas a family that eventually came and was helping their daughter who was going into eighth grade practice for her volleyball tryout this week.

Marcella and I probably spent an hour and a half or so at the gym, basically playing volleyball back and forth.  I was slightly worried that I wasn't going to feel up to playing once I got there because of my muscles being so UNUSED, but once we started and I got warmed up a bit, it felt like old times, but 155% better because I had an awesome hip and not a crappy one.

About half way through our game (if you could call it that) my hip muscles were starting to hurt.  Which I knew was going to happen considering the fact that I haven't used those muscles in several years and then there I am, just playing my heart out.  I can tell that in the morning I'm going to be extremely sore. But I don't regret a thing...and I think we're going back tomorrow and playing for most of the day, considering it IS the last day of summer before school starts back.

Today was awesome because: I finally got the rest of my school stuff I needed, like lunch tupperware to put my food in and stuff. And because I got to spend the afternoon playing volleyball with Marcella.

days until senior year starts: 2
days until I become an adult: 145
days until graduation: 278
steps taken today: 8552+

BEDA 13: it's really happening

This was supposed to be what I was going to blog about yesterday, but decided I'd save it for today so I could fully comprehend everything I was thinking and make it some what understandable.

Yesterday a bunch of the senior girls got together at the school and decorated the senior hallway, a tradition that's happened for several years and we weren't about to let that slip by us with school starting on Tuesday.  One of the biggest things in decorating our hall is filling up the bulletin boards with photos of our class from when we were young up through middle school.  Looking through all of the photos, even though I wasn't in many of them, from our younger years was a really good time as we started stapling them to the bulletin boards.  I couldn't believe how far we've come, the majority of us we've been together for thirteen years now.

Honestly, I could care less about the streamers and be-glittered signs we hung up marking our territory, the photos are by far the best part.  Another thing that most classes do, is write memories on posters and put them on the wall.  I really like this tradition for the fact that no one else really knows about these specific memories except for people in our class.  It's almost like a cult or something, where hardly anyone, if anyone at all understands.

Most of the girls at the school yesterday I've known for basically all thirteen years we've gone to school together.  A few of them I used to be really close with, like back in grade school when there wasn't any cliques and everyone got along and we played at recess together.  But to me, it was really fun just all being together, I mean, we're all in the same situation, facing our senior year, figuring out college plans and trying not to let anyone down.  Essentially, we're all in it together.

Yesterday really made it clear to me that not only school is about to start, but that after all these years of dreaming of being the "big bad" senior class, it's finally time.  And on top of that, yesterday was so incredibly busy with a lot of different things, that I had to take a step back and go "Woah, I forgot how busy I normally am." I mean, I haven't been this busy since about mid October, and it's a bit of a shock to all of a sudden just jump into it.

Anyways...that's just my thoughts from/about yesterday.

Today was awesome because: we went grocery shopping, and I finally got some grapefruit juice; I freaking love grapefruit juice.

days until senior year starts: 3
days until I become an adult: 146
days until graduation: 279
steps taken today: 891+

BEDA 12: 50 random facts about me

Today was actually really eventful, but considering that one of my best friends who I basically call my little sister is staying over for the night...after she helped me clean my room.  But the reason why I'm not blogging about my day, because I actually had a nice blog planned out, is because my brain really can't function to write all of it out. So you're getting a cliche Facebook type note for a blog post to read today.

1. I'm ginger.
2. For people my age around here, I seem to be pretty tall.
3. I love to go fishing.
4. My family means everything to me.
5. I'm a Lutheran.
6. I love drinking hot tea, especially in the morning.
7. I can't stand coffee.
8. I love coloring in coloring books.
9. Being outdoors always wins over being indoors.
10. I love going on walks.
11. Back in 6th and 7th grade I used to play volleyball.
12. I had my first hip surgery when I was eight.
13. My brother and I are fifteen years apart.
14. If I wasn't disabled, I would probably go into the Marine Corp.
15. I enjoy writing, but can never stick to a specific project for long.
16. I love watching Doctor Who even though half the time I don't understand hardly anything.  There's just something I love about Doctor Who.
17. I can't decide on my favorite Doctor...
18. I named my car Carson so I could call it Car for short.
19. I name inanimate objects that either I work with a lot or mean a lot to me.
20. I get really touchy when it comes to the word crippled.
21. Harry Potter was a major part of my childhood, it got me through a lot of rough times that I don't think would have ended up the same if it weren't for J.K. Rowling and her amazing writing.
22. My favorite colors bounce between orange, yellow, green and teal. I guess it depends on my mood.
23. I have a feeling I might end up living in L.A. in the future for a while, or California in general.
24. I want to get my doctorate in history.
25. I'm okay with the thought that I may never get married.
26. I tend to get along better with men than women.
27. My favorite food dish is fish and chips.
28. One of my role models is my mother, she's an incredibly tough woman.
29. I actually really really enjoy blogging...I just need to pretend every day is BEDA so I'll actually post at a regular schedule.
30. I'm a second year (policy) debater.
31. I freaking love sticky notes.
32. My mantra is: You can never have too many books or fishing lures.
33. I tend to use quite a few British phrases/words...it throws my friends off.
34. I just recently with in the last year completely stopped spelling things with an ou on school assignements: favorite instead of favourite.
35. I once wanted to be in the film industry...but not acting.
36. There was also one time when I wanted to be a stage actor.
37. Thanks to John Green's, An Abundance of Katherines, I really like the name Katherine.
38. I have a maroon BlackBerry Curve that I named Agnes, but call Aggie for short. All because of my random love of Texas A&M University.
39. I love music, it's in my opinion the best communication.
40. I over think things far too much.
41. I read TIME magazine faithfully.
42. I'm really excited for this project that my "sister" and I are working on. Details should be up some what soon...I hope.
43. I'm a proud nerdfighter. :)
44. I refer to my hair as The Mane.
45. Over 75% of my music on my ipod is classic country.
46. If I could live any where in the world besides the United States, I would live in Scotland or Denmark.
47. I love the idea of coming back to my high school in the future and teaching.
48. I don't mind peeing outside.
49. I love to travel.
50. If asked, I'll give my brutal honest opinion.

So there you have it, 50 random facts about me...some of them might be a bit obvious, but I tried to share things that you wouldn't necessarily know.  I guess this pretty much sums up today. RANDOM.

Today was awesome because: 1) I got to help decorate the senior hallway today AND 2) I now have a clean and organized room.

days until senior year starts: 4

days until I become an adult: 147

days until graduation: 280

steps taken today: 6,819

BEDA 11: confusion

I want to preface this post with this: parts of this you just won't understand, I'm just writing today, no editing or even attempting to make it understandable, because honestly, I don't even understand parts of it either.  It seems to me that lately my brain is slightly confused. Or that I've just been over thinking the last nine to ten months.  In a way, a lot of things have happened in the last ten months, but then again, not so much.

Ten months ago would be November (if I'm counting correctly), and November was probably one of the roughest times I've been through.  Between being in charge of costumes and make up for a massive school production of Fiddler on the Roof while not knowing what the hell I was doing, being in a wheelchair from all the pain I was having in my hip which ended up with me not being able to walk much, struggling through school because I was gone so much and just the stresses that every other teenager deals with November seemed like hell to me.  December was a bit better, but not by too terribly much.  I didn't have to worry about a show and I was able to focus more on my school work but the pain in my hip hadn't been getting better but worse each day.

I can't even really remember the times we went to various doctors and specialists between November and January, there were so many of them that I don't even remember much of anything, it all seems to have blurred together and become a fuzzy memory in the back of my brain.

There are two specific appointments, both in January, that I remember quite well.  The first one was towards the beginning of January when my parents and I packed for at least three months worth of stuff into the truck and headed to St. Louis, Missouri where I was to meet with the specialists at the Shriner's Hospital for Children where I had my first hip surgeries when I was eight, when things were a lot more simpler even though they still were unsure about most things.  I remember on the way to St. Louis my emotions that I felt.  There was a strong chance that we were going to be in St. Louis for a couple of months if they decided to replace my hip there.  By this point, a full joint replacement was really the only thing that was feasible, considering the entire joint was so deformed to a point where they couldn't go in and reshape it back to how it was supposed to be.  I was also scared to death, because there was a lot of uncertainty going into this trip and I didn't know how to handle it.  I wasn't for sure how things would end up.

Things in St. Louis went bad.  I won't get into the appointment just for the mere fact that it still makes me very very very angry to think back about it, and quite frankly, I don't remember every thing that had happened in the first place because I tend to block memories from my brain so I won't go back to them.

Coming back from St. Louis though, I felt quite different.  There was a bit of relief though, knowing that I wasn't having surgery in St. Louis, eight hours away from home and my family and knowing that my mom wouldn't to make the long journey several times a week like she had a few years ago to make sure she didn't lose her job but also be there with me.

The second appointment that I remember quite clearly was with the surgeon that eventually ended up doing my hip replacement.  We had seen him before we went to St. Louis, he was actually the one who wanted us to go to St. Louis in the first place to get a second opinion from the surgeons who had first worked on my hip those eight years previous.  Coming out of that appointment with my surgeon that day I was finally relieved that we had a date in the books to get this taken care of.

I had my hip replaced on February 14th, yes, ironically enough it was indeed on Valentine's day.  We ended up having to wake up at 4:30 in the morning so we could be at the hospital at 0'dark in the morning (I don't even remember what time to be honest, it was far too early for me). Sunday night, the day before, I was supposed to have packed my hospital bag and then got a nice full night of sleep.  Neither of those happened.  Even though I was very much excited about finally having surgery, I just couldn't do either of those things, mostly because I procrastinate.  I packed like a ninja that next morning and suffered the long drive up to Wichita to the hospital with no food or drink in me.

I remember pre-op quite well, but I won't get into that because really all it was, was me cracking jokes here and there to set my parents and myself at ease, laughing at the faces of the nurses who kept poking their heads into my curtained room confused as to why a seventeen year old was there for a joint surgery.  I also remember post-op quite well.  I remember waking up in a lot of pain, and when I'm in pain, most specifically one of my legs/hips, I have to move my body.  It seems to set me at ease if I'm moving.  I could definitely feel pain on my right side, and I couldn't move because they had these air pump things strapped onto my legs to keep the blood flowing so I wouldn't end up with a blood clot.  And then I remember crying for my mom, and refusing to wear the oxygen mask, well I didn't refuse, I just kept taking it off to attempt talking to my mom. So they eventually gave me an oxygen nasal cannula so I'd stop messing with it.

A close family friend of mine, a lady that I've known for a few years now and that I go to church with had came up to the hospital and sat with my parents when I was in surgery.  She was the first person besides my mom and dad that saw me after surgery.  I guess that she spent quite a while in my room with me talking...but I don't remember hardly any of it due to the medicines they had me on...I definitely wasn't very competent at the moment.  That evening a group of close friends came up to the hospital with a bunch of Valentine themed things from people at school and they stayed with me for a couple of hours that night after my parents had left to go home.

The two days after surgery were difficult.  I was trying to get used to having a leg that was the same length as my left leg, and trying to learn how to walk again through the pain, even when I didn't want to continue on.  I knew from day one, when they got me up out of bed that afternoon after surgery and had me walk to the bathroom that the pain I was experiencing wasn't permanent, that it was a different type of pain. Almost a good pain in a way.  The few days after I got back home were even worse.  Also the first couple of physical therapy visits were intense.  I thought it was the equivalent of the Marine Corp boot camp at the time.

But since then, since I had my surgery I mean, I've been progressing every single day.  Sometimes though I don't even realize how I'm progressing, but I know I am.  I remember the day I first walked in public with no crutches. It felt soooo good to be able to walk with a GOOD hip, and though I was still limping a bit because of balance issues, I knew that limp was going away at some point.

Lately, my brain seems to be thinking a lot of what was before February 14th.  I think it gets confused sometimes, actually I think it's just plain ass confused.  I can use my hip muscles in ways I never could before but I have difficulty doing so because my brain has been programmed for years and years to not do certain things.  It's so frustrating at times, because I've gotten to a point where I for the most part don't even realize that I've got a prosthetic hip, which is a good thing, but then when I do simple things, I still do them how I used to.  For example, putting on my shoes and socks.  I can put my left ones on really well, no problem at all.  When it comes to my right, I have to figure out strange ways to put my sock and shoe on because I can't just bend my leg up and put them on.

I've rambled far too long...but honestly, this feels good.  To finally be able to write down some of the things I've been feeling for a while, even if no one else understands any of it all.

Today was awesome because: I finally got my pedometer I ordered in the mail today.

days until senior year starts: 5
days until I become an adult: 148
days until graduation: 281
steps taken today: 633+

BEDA 10: omfg, it's hoodie wearing type weather

Last night, after I stayed up past midnight coloring random coloring pages I printed off of the internet, I went to bed with my joints hurting...again.  Normally, when there's a chance of rain my left knee hurts, but last night, all of my joints were hurting.  My knees, ankles, shoulders, back, hip(s) sometimes I feel like my right hip (the prothsetic one) hurts like my left one when it comes to arthritic pain...I knew between my arthritic rain prediction method and the weather reports, that it was going to finally rain big time last night.

And that it did.  It's been raining for nearly twelve hours straight now with little breaks here and there.  But let me tell you, it's so nice to finally have a good rain.  Just a bit ago, I was watching the noon news on a local television station and they too were surprised when the temperature gauge said 69 degrees.  I knew it was kind of cold out today, or at least compared to our normal triple digit days, but this basically calls for wearing a hoodie.

I actually haven't been outside yet today, but I can predict it's pretty nice out there, compared to our normal weather this summer, I bet it feels like were in a different country or something. I actually kind of want to go on a walk around the neighborhood and soak in some of this rare nice weather. Oh and speaking of walking, I ordered something online for the first time ever on Sunday, a really nice inexpensive pedometer.  It should be arriving tomorrow in the mail and I'm pretty freaking excited.

Anyway...this BEDA post sounded like an awkward first date, didn't it? Oh well, I deal with awkward pretty well, it only gets awkward if you make it awkward.

Today is awesome because: obviously my answer is because it's been/still raining.

days until senior year starts: 6
days until I become an adult: 149
days until graduation: 282

BEDA 9: mainstream music

Nine times out of ten, if you're with me when I'm in my car I have my i-pod plugged into my stereo.  I've come to a conclusion this summer that I seriously have an issue with mainstream music.  I've been thinking about my dislikes for main stream music for a few months now, but it has become extremely evident this summer, especially the last couple of weeks.

My biggest problem with mainstream music is pretty simple.  Repeating the same twenty songs over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over get my drift? again.  I don't know if it's just the local stations around here that do it or if it happens every where else, but it really gets on my nerves.  I don't know how many times in the last two weeks I've heard Super Bass by Nicki Minaj and though I kind of like the song, I really don't care to listen to it thirty times in one day.

I feel like main stream music is just the same artists all. the. time. Most of my music comes from artists that I've found of YouTube. And I have to admit, that on a whole, YouTuber artists are by far a lot better than the artists I've been hearing on the radio around here.  I think another part of why I like YouTuber artists more is the fact that you can tell that music is truly their passion and that they care for their fans.  Yeah it's probably rough being a YouTuber artist some times, but they have the passion for what they do that keeps them going, and that in itself is really inspiring.  If you can continue to do something you love even when you're not the richest person around or have everything in the entire world and still feel such much emotion about you do, you're a genuine artist. 

Now with this being said, I'm not hating on all the popular artists out there who we can hear any time on the radio.  They all bring something to the world of music, but sometimes I can't help but think "They're in it only for the money and fame."  I mean, it's just how I think about it.  Does anyone else share the same feelings, or other thoughts? I'd love to hear them.

days until graduation: 283

BEDA 8: bucket list, part one

Since nothing remotely exciting happened today, I thought I'd share some items from my bucket list and kind of explain them a bit.

• learn how to swim: I once knew how to swim, it was quite a long time ago.  But when things went down hill when I was eight with my hip, I just couldn't swim because my hip and muscles surrounding my hip wouldn't allow it.  But now, after having my hip replaced, I want to learn how to swim because A) it's a good physical therapy tool and B) I have this weird phobia of water.  I have no problem getting into the lake, as long as my feet can touch and my head still be above water.  Same goes for pools.  I for the first time in June got into a paddle boat with my best friends, I did it because I wanted to fish, and because I needed to conquer the fear that I felt I was going to get tipped over and drown. It's quite hard to explain, but I just really want to learn how to swim so I can conquer this weird phobia and enjoy life even more.
• learn how to ride a bike: this one is actually in progress, my best friend who conveniently lives right down the street, started teaching me how to ride a bike earlier this summer.  I have full faith that I can do it, it's just my hip muscles aren't used to the motions and my balance is still quite off since surgery.  I can't even remember exactly for sure or not if I could ride a bike...
• travel through/to all 50 states in the U.S.: I seriously love this country so terribly much.  Besides enjoying to travel, I want to be able to see all of our country in it's righteous state.  It's just not the same looking at photos or videos of places then actually being there yourself in person and seeing it for yourself.
• be a published author: I don't think I'll ever really have a career in life as an author, but with my love of history, it'd be really neat to have just one book published of mine that I could feel proud of.  Even if it's one of those books that teachers assign to students and they end up hating every last page of it.  I think it'd be rather interesting to see the process behind it all.
• compete in a fishing tournament: I love to watch fishing tournaments, because I love fishing, obviously.  And I'd love to give a tournament a go, but only once I really learn some more of the sport. I do it just for fun, not as an actual sport.  It's just something I've always wanted to do, and something that wouldn't take any protests from any of my family.

I've never actually sat down and add on things to my bucket list...because I don't have a written copy of it.  It's all basically in my head.  And there's plenty more to the list, maybe to share another BEDA day when nothing exciting has happened.

Until tomorrow.

days until graduation: 284

BEDA 7: gone fishing

Yesterday I woke up extremely early in order to get to the lake at a decent time and fish while it was still somewhat tolerable since the weather on average here as been in the triple digits basically the entire freaking summer, but of course, we got rained out.  So we decided to try again today, and as I was hopeful for, it worked out.

We ate a super early breakfast of biscuits and gravy with scrambled eggs before we loaded up in my dad's truck and headed out to Winfield lake.  It was actually the first time I had been to Winfield lake despite living so close to it for all these years.  My dad was trying to take us to a special part of the lake and at one point he realized that he still had to drive around the majority of the lake to get there and we had already been driving for roughly twenty minutes, though it seemed longer than that due to the fact we were facing the rising sun and couldn't see the winding dirt road the majority of the time so we had to stop and stick our heads out of the truck to figure out where exactly we were driving.

We ended up on one of three docks near the boat ramps.  It was a bit sketchy to begin with because although the dock looked really sturdy there were quite a few waves and when you've got both hands full with fishing poles, tackle and bait leaving you stranded with no way to hold onto the railing, PLUS having poor balance (still regaining my balance since I had my hip replacement) it seemed awful sketchy to me.  Eventually though I got down the incline of the dock ramp and was down on the actual dock that was floating.  This particular dock was the only one that had safety bars around it, which I was quite thankful for because I hate docks to begin with because of how they rock in the water, and I've always feared that I was loose my balance and step off into the water, and when you don't know how to swim, it's a really scary thought.

I didn't waste a moment before I got my fishing pole all ready and casted it out.  I was doing quite fine until I was reeling in my line after it had moved off course and towards the bank...and it got hung up in the rocks.  It had already happened to me a few times before this, and I'm pretty much a master at unhooking lines from things but I tried for a good five to ten minutes and couldn't get the line to come free. So I was left with my only last hope. Just to cut the line and start fresh.  So I cut the line, something I hate to do, especially since it was a brand spanking new lure I had put on my pole and I had only fished with it once before today.

I put new tackle on and casted out again.  At this time, my dad went up to pay our day fee for the lake, since no one was in the office when we got there. He left me with both of our poles in the water, obviously he felt comfortable letting me watch after his very expensive fishing pole that even though he doesn't particularly care for because it's an open faced reel, he trusted me with it. I mean, I would hope so considering he's been taking me fishing since I was five.  Everything was going just fine until I saw his pole start moving, and thankfully then I had my line in and I threw my pole down on the dock and grabbed my dad's pole.  I got excited over a fish that was just playing with me and nibbling the worm off the hook slowly.

I casted out my dad's pole again, and deciding it wasn't a good cast I went to reel it in, but of course, it got hung up on those damn rocks.  So I stood there, on the dock, looking like a fool in front of the people putting their boats in as I tried with all my might to unhook the line.  Eventually when my dad made it back down to the dock I handed the pole over to him so he could try and get it loose.  He eventually had to cut the line as well.

Nothing much happened for a couple of hours after that. My dad and I just sat there on the dock watching our poles and listening to the boaters put their boats into the water and watch them as they took off across the lake.  I have to admit I was super jealous of them, I miss going boating, though I've never really gone boating often, I enjoy a nice boat ride every once in a while at the lake.  It was nice to just sit there on the dock with it moving on top of the water, it was rather soothing.  And the thing I love about fishing is that it calms me and basically de-stresses me.  And I definitely needed that.

Eventually though, I had to get up and go walk around up on the shore for a bit and stretch my hip muscles so I pulled my line in.  By this time, my dad had forcefully put a bobber on my line (I'm 17 and I still can't chose what I want to fish with. *pouts*), I leaned my pole against railing so I could stand up. I hadn't really realized that my worm was still in the water and what do you know, I started getting a tug at the end of my pole. I pulled it up slowly and then put it back down and it happened again. Pulled it up once more and put it back down, another tug, pulled it up and the worm was gone. No fish to be found.

Needless to say I was a bit mad because I A) lost a worm and B) didn't get the fish.  So after I went and walked around for a bit I came back to the dock and baited up again, something my dad hadn't really seen me do EVER. I mean, it took me about 15 years to bait my own hook, but he hadn't seen me do it until today and he was kind of shocked but yet so proud of both me and him.  We decided that the best bet we had was to try and catch perch.

So there we were, sitting on opposite ends of the dock with our lines barely over the side of the dock waiting for a perch to get our worm.  I eventually caught a perch.  It was on the small side though so we tossed him back.  And as upsetting as I am to still admit it, that was the only thing we caught today.  But it's okay, because like I said fishing calms me.  And even if I don't catch anything, just the act of fishing is soothing.  So I was alright with the one tiny perch that I caught.

BEDA 6: weird day

Today was such a weird day.  I got up at 4:30 so I could head to the lake with my dad and go fishing while it was still some what cool, only to get woken up to lightening and my joints hurting which obviously meant it was raining.  Though I guess, since I hadn't even bother to look outside, it was actually pouring.  Which don't get me wrong, as badly as I wanted to go fishing I could deal with a nice torrential down pour considering how dry our spring and summer has been. We needed it.  Mom was still nice enough to make us cinnamon rolls, so once dad got here we chowed down like we were getting ready to head out for a long day of fishing.  Two hours later I went back to bed and slept for what seemed like forever.

My mom woke me up once again about one in the afternoon and asked me if I wanted to go with my dad to Wichita to Gander Mountain.  I didn't know why we were going to Gander in the first place but I agreed since I hadn't been in this summer I wanted to see what new stocks they had and to see if I could find that turkey shot gun I had found a couple of years ago, though I'm positive I may never find it again...I eventually got up and showered and went to pick my dad up at four.

The trip to Wichita was tense but uneventful, unless you count too much road construction.  Wichita has always had major construction somewhere in the city and we always end up getting stuck in it wherever we go.  In at Gander, I didn't really find anything that caught my eye except for a man that looked strangely similar to my brother, except he was extremely rude, and a nice chair that I would have sat in for the rest of my life if my dad hadn't ushered me back to the hunting section of the store.

The thing about Gander is I usually find all this stuff that I really like but it's so freaking expensive. I've gotten to the point where I don't even bother asking for anything from Gander because I know the answer will be no and that I don't have enough money to purchase it from my own bank account.  The price of ammunition has sky rocketed even over the last few months, I know it was expensive before but now it's just outrageous.  A box of ammo for my .22 that I was looking at was $54.00, I nearly had a heart attack on the spot. Needless to say we usually only go to Gander to drool every once in a while and left empty handed. Side note, I wore one of my Bass Pro Shops shirt into Gander, I felt like a beast.


And then, of course, I got a random text message from Jake, someone on the debate team, telling me a bunch of the team was getting together to work on debate stuff and just hang out as a team.  So after I got home and then went back out to do a couple errands for my mom I went to Jake's.  Ended up, since I arrived a bit later than everyone else, that we were just watching Star Wars and talking about random things, some of it pertained to debate but most of it didn't.  It was fun, I love being around my debate team, it's always a good time.

Came home early per request of my mom, which I was okay with because my joints were starting to hurt again.  I really hope it starts to rain again, so I can sleep peacefully tonight, but I want it to stop in time for dad and I to go fishing tomorrow.

And I just now realized, that after writing all this I haven't explained why I thought to day was so weird.  I just felt like I did a bunch of random things that was productive but yet I slept nearly all day...

BEDA 5: five long hours

About 2:30 this afternoon my internet went all weird on me.  Now this isn't anything new; every once in a while I have to mess with my internet connection and then it goes back to normal and life goes on.  This afternoon though, I messed with every button I knew that would normally fix it...and then one I shouldn't have pressed.  I don't know how I manged to do it, but I managed to disconnect all possible ways to connect my laptop to the internet.  I was literally freaking out to the point where I wasn't even cursing but just banging my hands on my desk, I was basically in a speechless fury.

My mom came home at a bit after three and after she listened to me rant and rave about my laptop and the internet being stupid again she told me that the Mulvane area of Cox communications was completely out.  She only knew this because of the nursing home she works at was completely phone-less AND internet-less.  I was relieved that it was an area thing not just my laptop that was down.

But I still had the problem of accidentally hitting that button I should have just left alone because I didn't know the function of it to deal with.  After spending a good thirty minutes or so messing around, if figured out how to reset my computer systems back a few days which I hoped would also reset the button I pressed *guilty eyes* and thankfully it did.

My dad came in for dinner with mom and I and we had a good time joking and laughing.  And I successfully got dad to take me fishing tomorrow morning.  So overall I think it was a good evening with my parents.  I was sent out to go get worms since we're leaving at 5:30 in the morning to get to the lake before sunrise so we can fish when it's not nearly as hot as out as it would be if we went any later.

It's amazing when the only thing I was holding was my little box of worms and three different people asked me if I was going fishing.  I smiled and told them we were going in the morning bright and early, though I really wanted to say something along the lines of "Nah, I just buy worms for fun." *head desk* I don't know why people think it's odd that a teenage girl goes to buy worms that means she's going fishing, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

Anyway, thankfully, by the time I finally got back home from getting worms, the Cox communications system was back up.  I only knew this because my mom was back on her laptop after she had abandoned it earlier because she couldn't play her FaceBook games.

Out of my busy day the thing I was most worried about was not being able to make my BEDA post...and now I can rest easy for the rest of the night and sleep well tonight knowing that I've survived day 5 of BEDA.

BEDA 4: eleven days to go

There's eleven days left until school starts, and it's really starting to sink in.  Between going to enroll today at school and actually getting my time table that looks okay for the most part and organizing my school supplies in accordance to said time table, it has definitely started to hit me that school is starting again.  Whether or not I fully comprehend that it's senior year, I'm not for sure. I'm sure I'll still forget that I'm a senior through most of the school year, I mean, I still feel like a freshman half the time though I have absolutely no idea...

At the beginning of every school year I get crazy organized. Everything has it's place and it's use and that's that.  Two weeks into school it eventually goes from "neatly organized" to "messy, chaotic organized" which usually involves my locker and school bag to be a total mess. I'm hoping this year though I'll actually keep to an organizational system since I'm taking several classes that I can't afford to muck up in or I just won't graduate, and that's something I want to avoid doing at all costs.

I decided this morning what to do about my big girl decision regarding my history and forensics classes.  I decided that since I can work on and still be apart of the forensics team from outside of the class I decided to give it up for my history course.  I did this mostly because I know I won't be able to keep up with a full school day and have that extra class to worry about.

Eleven days till school starts also means that I need to figure out if my alarms will actually work well enough to get me up on time or not.  I've been having a hard time getting my normal alarm clock to work and on top of that, my phone alarm won't work when I need it. It's been really frustrating me since I've been attempting to get up at six every morning like I'll have to do when school starts.

I feel like there's several more things to do before these eleven days are up, but there really isn't.  All I really need to do is get some stuff sorted out for the fall musical so I won't have to worry about it once school starts, but that's a whole other story considering the flash drive I swore it was located on is no where to be found after I went every single folder on that damn thing.  I worked really hard on that thing, and I'll be completely honest in saying that if I don't find it, I'm not going to bother. Although, eventually I will redo the entire thing just for the purpose of I always have to be organized when it comes to costume and make-up designing...


Well, there you go, another random blog post that was basically just me babbling on about school.

BEDA 3: big girl decisions

Tomorrow I get to meet my mom at school to enroll for my senior year of high school.  And let me tell you I'm extremely excited, I've been waiting to be a senior for nearly four years now and it's finally MY time.  I'm ready to get to finally start making decisions that will ultimately end up affecting my future because up until now it has always seemed that there's that one thing or someone who is holding me back from really going for what my heart and gut are telling me to do.

My mom just came home on her lunch break and before she left she came into my room and sat on my bed.  She told me that one of the school counselors, the one that I worked a lot with last year when we were trying to figure out my schooling situation when I had my hip replaced second semester; she said she had an enjoyable conversation with her.

When I found out that this school counselor had called my mom this morning, I was surprised, because I thought she would have been really busy with day one of enrollment being today.  I knew though once my mom told me she had called that this couldn't be good.

Mom started with telling me that she was just making sure that I would be back at the school for sure this year, yadayadayada.  She had asked my mom if I was ready to go back to school, yadayadayada.  Then she told my mom that I had to either finish my history class online that I didn't finish from last semester, before Thanksgiving (our fall holiday basically) or I had to give up forensics second semester so I could take both the English III class I need and American Studies.

WHAT?!

And of course, my mom is leaving it completely up to me to decide, she didn't even give me her opinion when I asked, she just told me it's my choice.  I mean, one side, I prefer to take the American Studies class at the school then finish it online, just for the fact that it's better in basically ALL aspects and I prefer to learn, especially when it comes to history, by lectures, not reading a never ending assignment that doesn't even go chronologically on the computer.  Then there's the fact that I've been really involved with our NFL (National Forensics League) chapter and I'm really excited for the forensics season this year because last year I didn't get to compete because I had my hip replaced.  And though I'm sure my coach will allow me to participate from outside of class, it just makes things easier if I were in the class.  But obviously, I have to chose one or the other.

As for right now, I don't know what I want to do. I think I might need to sleep on it tonight and see how I feel about it tomorrow, because honestly, there's pros and cons to both sides of this.  I'm sure though, whatever I do decide to do that I'll be fine with it, because honestly, I just want to get through senior year and graduate. That's my goal.  And I know it'll all work itself out eventually.