BEDD 31: thank you

2011 has brought tears of confusion, anger, happiness, pain, love, relief, sorrow and everything between.  The year has also brought me several fond moments I want to cherish for the rest of my life; moments that were tough but made me a better person, I want to remember these for when things get rough again in the future; and moments that I'd just rather forget even happened.  Through it all, I've learned a lot from someone I found one early morning when I coudln't sleep on YouTube.  This person I haven't gotten the chance to meet yet, but he's changed my perspective on things.  He is also the same person that I wrote half of my music history final exam paper over.

Mike Lombardo.

There really aren't enough words for me to express how much of an impact Mike has had on me this year.  I'm thankful that I found him when I did because I don't know how my year would have gone without his music.

One of the things that I really like about Mike is that he is so much into what he does, he puts all of his effort into what he's working on and produces something that is just magnificent.  He keeps pushing through and continues to do what he loves: music.

I've struggled a lot with people telling me what I should and shouldn't do with my life from the small things all the way up to some major things.  I've learned through watching Mike's video's on YouTube and listening to his music that no one can decide what I do and that I should do what I love.

One thing that 2011 has taught me is that the internet is a special place that can be used for great things.  It can allow you to reach out and help someone or multiple someones.  Mike has made me want to be a better person by not letting anything stop me from not only doing the things that I love but from being myself.

I can't thank him enough.

Mike, if by the slightest off chance that you've come across this; just let it be known that you've made an impact in my life and that I'm forever grateful for what you do. Never stop.

Link of the day: Page A Day So many different calendar choices to choose from to get sent to your e-mail daily. I got my mom and I each a Page A Day calendar for our desks, I just love them to death.

days until Senior Year Part 2 begins: 4
days until I become an adult: 7
days until graduation: 139

BEDD 30: a year in review 2011

I've seen a few other bloggers do this already and decided I'd do it too. There really isn't much explanation needed on this one.

JANUARY: Rang in the new year with a group of close friends and had a blast considering all the stress I was going through with all the doctor's appointments I had been coming out of with no new information.  A few days later I celebrated my seventeenth birthday with my mom and dad before we headed to St. Louis the following week for one hell of an interesting doctor's appointment.  Later then in the month, I saw my surgeon and set the date for my hip replacement; I could finally rest a little easier.

FEBRUARY: I was pulled out of school and stuck on an online program two weeks before surgery and managed to do a fair amount of school work considering how anxious I was for the big day to get there.  February 14th, 2011 I had my hip replaced and of course had some chocolate too.  I was visited by a group of close friends that still to this day I am very appreciative to have in my life and thankful they came to see me that night of surgery when I really wasn't very coherent and probably quite cranky.  I saw a new found ambition in myself that I didn't see before, one that wanted to prove everyone wrong about what they had once thought

MARCH: Nothing too terribly important happened except the recovering from surgery.  I was still working hard on regaining strength and mobility.  I also managed to get strangely addicted to March Madness basketball and became slightly outraged when I couldn't watch my teams play.  Went to the Department of Kansas Wildlife and Parks headquarters in Pratt for the first time ever; got my first hunting and fishing duo license and got to go through the  "museum" with dad.  A visit to Pratt also means eating at Donald's  Diner.

APRIL: I was still working hard, and my continuous hard work was paying off.  Went to SC and did a full campus tour with my mom, up the stairs, around the hill, down the stairs, in every building, around every building, up the stairs, down the stairs and around the hill.  It was such a great feeling to be able to keep up with a 20 year old who was taking full strides.  The awesomeness didn't stop here.  The week after that, I did a two mile walk in Wichita with my youth leader, we didn't stop but once during the entire walk.  Through both of these milestone events, it was just absolutely astonishing that the only pain I had at the end of the day was my calf muscles, and that was only because I hadn't been doing so much activity in months.  I also began driving again after not being able to be behind the wheel since early December because of the medicines I was on.  Also in April, I found several new artists and YouTubers who helped me through rough times; including Ministry of Magic boys, ALL CAPS, Mike Lombardo, Chameleon Circuit boys, John and Hank Green and various others.  Didn't do much fishing. :(

MAY: My mom and I moved out and moved to town.  Adjusting to living in town was a bit rough at first, but I found it easier as time progressed. I enjoyed walking most places, like the two blocks to the library and back.  I went to my best friend's graduation, which really put things into perspective for me; I had a year before that would be me.  And then the heat began.  Once again, didn't do much fishing. :(

JUNE: Hot, hot, hot.  June was the start of the hottest summer I've ever experienced in my seventeen years of living in Kansas.  For me, someone who enjoyed being outside started to prefer to be indoors at all times.  MRC classes started up again, I offered my wisdom and help to the theatre classes.  I got to see all of my family at our annual family reunion that was just far away that we could still sleep in our own beds.  I got to finally bond with Uncle Gale, seeing as he's the only one in the family who has gone through a hip replacement.  The same weekend, I went "swimming" for the first time since surgery and had a blast.  Except for my first time ever on a water slide, and ended up with a minor neck injury.  Giving up going to Girls State for the reunion was a great idea, I don't regret that decision one bit, quality family time is big for me.  Too hot to even think about going fishing. :(

JULY: MRC classes continued onwards, and I volunteered on the days when I could manage to get out of bed on time.  Fourth of July I spent at the nursing home volunteering for most of the day and then into the night as I got to help shoot off fireworks and hand out ice cream to the residents.  The trip to western Kansas to see the Bortz side of the family at Uncle Leon's funeral reminded me at any moment you can lose a loved one, and that spending quality time with the ones you love means more than anything else.  This trip also made me fall in love with Kansas all over again.  The hot weather continues on and so does the lack of fishing trips. :(

AUGUST: The start of senior year finally started with a big bang.  Old Settlers was hotter than any other on record, but it was still good fun because of the NFL booth, even if it ended with cool whip and honey in my hair.  Participated in BEDA for the first time, totally worth it.

SEPTEMBER: Wildcat football was off to a great start with the bashing we gave Pratt.  The musical finally gets a slow start, and last minute I decided to audition for a part instead of being head of costumes and make-up.  Cast in chorus I was at first upset but began to realize that theatre was more than I ever imagined it could be.  I also realized that I could set my mind to anything and achieve it.  Took the ACT for the first time, and managed not to die from it.

OCTOBER:  I learned who my real friends were.  Ate lots of sweets and had even more fun with my theatre family.  Joint pain became frequent; at one point the family doctor thought I might have had rheumatoid arthritis.

NOVEMBER: Attempted NaNoWriMo for the second year.  Got farther than last year, which was what I was hoping for.  Had a few rough patches before show week with my arthritis.  Had a great Hell Week, even if I didn't sleep much or get hardly any school work done.  I bawled like a baby during my speech at senior cast bonding, amazed at how much the people around me loved and supported me.  Had a fantastic show run with the rest of the cast, even if closing night ended in a weird way that none of us can really comprehend.  All that can be left said is Mrs. Batman is there, we all know it even if no one else believes us.  Celebrated Thanksgiving with Bubby, Tammy, Natasha and Robert; a great holiday was exactly what I needed.

DECEMBER: More stressful than I would have ever imagined.  Finished the first semester of senior year with a rough note.  Realized that my future is up to me and that I can't let anyone hold me back.  Celebrated a nice quiet Christmas with mom and dad; enjoyed the family time and mom's good cooking.  Moved with mom back in with dad.

link of the day:  Made In America I don't know how many times I've listened to this song. It's probably in my top favorite 100 songs for sure.

days until Senior Year Part 2 begins: 5
days until I become an adult: 8
days until graduation: 140

update: moving status

You know how I said we were moving on Saturday? That the movers would be out Saturday morning? Well, I found something out today. We're moving on FRIDAY, not Saturday. So that complicates things on my end a bit, considering that I had things planned out through the week up until the time the movers got here.  It looks like there's going to be a lot of coffee and tea intake between now and Saturday.

I realized yesterday that if I clean my car out, I'll only have to pile everything back into it to move it on Friday, which would be redundant; naturally I haven't even thought again to touch anything in that car.

Things to accomplish tonight include going through my clothes and piling up things that don't fit to give to Care and Share (similar to Goodwill) down town, clean out the hall closet, and gather my notebooks and magazines together into a box.  And I'm sure there's even more I could do tonight to minimize what we'll have to do tomorrow night.

BEDD 28: how music has changed things

For my last final exam for my music history class, we had to write a two page paper over how music has changed our lives.  Everyone was complaining because our teacher made it a whole TWO pages when we had almost two hours to complete it.  The page limit didn't phase me one bit after my senior English exam that morning. It really got me thinking, so long in fact that I didn't start writing until thirty minutes into the final.  I was in such a rush to write the two page minimum that I didn't get to proof my writing let alone make it a nice read.  I honestly wish I could have somehow gotten back my paper just so that I could transform it into something worthwhile a read.

I decided to just rewrite it and hope I remember what I wrote.

In 2010 I went through a lot of things that I don't ever wish to repeat and that I still have a tough time talking about even to my closet friends.  The beginning of 2011 wasn't that great either.  I learned though towards the end of February that music was one of my best friends.  Perhaps it was my new found interest in YouTube that helped me discover amazing musicians who now I can now say that their music helped me through the lowest of times in 2011, but I found that music was a way to express the emotions I was feeling and the thoughts I was thinking.

Music has allowed me to find comfort in in times of need to the point where I can always turn towards that one perfect song that can always make me feel better.  I  sometimes wonder if I have been relying too much on music, maybe I am but it helps.

Link of the day: Plants vs. Zombies Such an addicting game to play! I got so into it the other night that I was yelling at my laptop trying to get the zombies to go away.

days until Senior Year Part 2 begins: 7
days until I become an adult: 10
days until graduation: 142

update: moving status

Good news is good!  My mom called me earlier about noon to tell me that the lady she spoke with yesterday at the new internet service called and said that they would be sending a crew out to the house this Thursday.  I was relieved to hear this information because I was freaking out about school starting and not having any internet connection because I can almost grantee I'll have to use the internet for one of my assignments when we get back.

Cleaned some more out at the house for about three hours or so.  Went to the post office (after nearly getting in a car wreck with some old lady on Main Street) and got change of address forms for my mom and I.  Pretty uneventful day besides the errands and things.

Next on my to do list: take the Christmas tree down and clean out my car.

BEDD 27: revelations of the future

It seems like the questions: "What are you doing next year?" and "How did you decide on that, are you sure it's what you want to do?" are becoming more and more frequent as graduation draws closer and closer each day.

"What are you doing next year?" is usually answered with me grinning ear to ear and talking about my college of choice and their history program along with other awesome stuff from the college.  It's the following question that normally gets me tied up though, the: "How did you decide on that?"  To be honest, I'm not even sure.

There for a really long time I was bouncing back and forth between ideas of what I wanted to do after high school.  All of them though did include going to college.  First I couldn't decide on a college, then I couldn't decide on what I wanted to major in.  And then back and forth. I couldn't decide on a college or a major let alone both.  For a good solid year and a half I wanted to major in political science (polisci), and then I went to a meeting with the representatives from the college I'm (planning on) going to next year and those ideas started to slowly change.

SC didn't offer polisci as a major, and I was on the verge of dismissing it completely.  It's a private college with tuition prices to match.  For some reason, I couldn't get the idea of SC out of my head, the only major drawbacks at that time for me not wanting to go to SC were the tuition prices and not having my major.

As I continued through the semester, I began thinking about other routes I could take that could potentially make me end up in a similar area that I had orginially started thinking about, which at this point I can't even remember what that was but I think it had something to do with law school in the far off future.  I had then confronted my parents telling them about SC and how I would major in history and minor in polisci instead.  My parents were both really hesitant about even making an appointment to go down to the school for a visit let alone apply.

Since I stepped foot on the SC campus, I knew SC was the right pick for me, and once I started talking to the professors and students at SC, I started feeling more comfortable with my choice.  It only took the one visit for my parents to fall in love with the school too.  My mom is just as thrilled if not even more than I am to go to SC.

I don't know why, but the idea of studying history has grown on me so much over the last year; and I've learned a lot about myself too in the process.  I'm just happy that I've found something that I enjoy and can still learn so much about and a school that fits just right with everything I could imagine.

They tell us in school when we talk with representatives from colleges and universities from across the state that we don't have to know 100% what we want to do with our lives before graduation, that the majority of people end up changing their majors in college; but I enjoy learning the mysteries behind what we are today.  I honestly can't see myself not pursuing history, but then again, I'm trusting my gut and my heart to lead the way; I'm open to anything in life.

Link of the day: Entanglement Goodness, I've spent a lot of time playing this game for several days now.  I find it so addicting to play while watching the evening news.

days until Senior Year Part 2 begins: 8
days until I become an adult: 11
days until graduation: 143

update: moving status

I started packing last night.  I managed to pack all of my books up, all in one box, because my personal library isn't that big.  I also got most of my desk stuff packed up too.  And then, in a box all by itself, I have all of my Harry Potter things.

We, and by "we" I mean my mom, started making calls today about getting internet out at the house.  When we moved out in May we cancelled our internet out there because my dad has absolutely no need for it, and the cable we have was a separate company.  Well, we found a new provider that looks promising.  Which is great and all, but they won't be out until January 5th, next Thursday, to install all the stuff and get us up and running.  Bad news though, our Cox services are getting disconnected this Friday. So that's six days I won't have internet access; which is going to be a bit rough because I'm always online it seems, but I'll just play like we're camping. I'll read my books and do some writing before the new semester starts.

This all of course, is why I'm queuing up several blog posts since I was already planning the next couple of weeks out, I guess I'll just schedule posts.

Tomorrow I'm going out to the house and cleaning all day, which will be good because there's still a lot to do before we execute Operation Move Day 2.  I'll be by myself for most of the day, since my dad has doctor appointments all day in Wichita; but that's just quality time with my dogs.

I'll be tweeting though, with or without internet via my phone.

BEDD 26: favorite books of 2011

I used to be an avid reader when I was a child. My mom was always buying me books to read and we would spend a small portion every night reading together.  I continued to read quite often all throughout grade school and middle school, but high school changed that.  I'm sure it was the busy schedule of homework and rehearsals and all the other things I've done that made me put reading on the back burner to everything else. When I had my hip replaced in the months following during recovery I slowly picked up the habit of reading a little every night.  Back in May when I joined GoodReads.com I made a goal to read twenty books before the end of the year; I've already completed that goal and I hadn't really even begun to think about my favorite books I've read until someone asked me on Tumblr.

"Because memories fall apart, too. And then you're left with noting, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow." - Looking for Alaska by John Green

Looking for Alaska by John Green wasn't what I expected it to be; I think the hype around it made me think about it differently than what I should have been thinking to begin with.  To be honest, now months later, I can't remember what I had initially thought when I first started reading this novel.  I enjoyed this book because in a way it talked me through a friendship gone wrong, one that happened two years ago that I'm still having trouble getting my brain around.  I give mad props to John for his writing style, one that I'm actually a bit jealous of.

"There is a relationship between the mind and the body that can both create a physical condition and enable us to recover from it." - Nothing is Impossible: Reflections on a New Life by Christopher Reeve

I'm happy that I read this book when I did, because it was a time during recovery that I was feeling really down and didn't know what to do with myself.  I had this feeling that I might never fully recover, or that I wouldn't be able to go on and do the things that I had been dreaming about all year, like travel the nation and go to Europe.  Reading this book gave me something that my parents and my friends weren't able to give me; Christopher Reeve shared the reality he went through with such a massive change in his life, and though mine was no where near as great as his, the writing spoke to me and told me that things would be okay in the end, that if he could go on with life and do things he never would have thought he could do, then I can surely go on too.  There just isn't enough praise for this book; I admit, I cried through a large part of reading it, but it was worth it.

"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer." - The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

I honestly don't even know why I enjoy this book so much.  I've read it twice this year, once for my junior English class and then again sometime after surgery.  There's a way in the writing that makes this book a good read for me.  I can also say that I enjoy the content of the book, though I haven't been able to actually closely examine it like I would like to.  But that's alright, because I get to read it again for class this semester for my junior English credit that I missed last year due to surgery.  I'm hoping that I can get something even more out of this book; I'm sure though that I'm still going to enjoy reading it once again.

Link of the day: 365 more days to go.

days until Senior Year Part 2 begins: 9

days until I become an adult: 12

days until graduation: 144

BEDD 25: a very happy christmas

Hello there everyone! I hope that you've all been having a great holiday wherever in the world (or universe) you might be.  Things have been good in my neck of the woods the last few days which doesn't make up for the lack of blogging... and thought I'd share a bit of what's been going on and what's going to happen in the next week or so.

My dad and I managed to do all of our Christmas shopping before Christmas Eve Day, which is when we normally do our shopping; we're procrastinators even when it comes to Christmas, which also explains where I get the procrastinating gene from...I only had to do one last minute thing on Thursday for my mom, which was a surprise, because I was actually shopping for myself with a gift card my great Aunt Dottie sent me and I just saw that one thing I just had to get my mom.  Don't worry, I did get myself something too; but it didn't even matter to me, I wanted to spend some of it on my mom, she deserves it.

Thursday was my dad's birthday, but for some reason we didn't end up celebrating it until Friday, but it was good anyway, 'cause my best friend Alicia (whom I will start calling A from now on, because that's what I call her IRL) her mom's birthday is also on the same day, and Friday we had decided to go down to Winfield to see the Isle of Lights display of freaking awesome Christmas lights.  It was great, the four of us in my  mom's truck, A and I in the back huddled under a pile of blankets because we were freezing.  It was like old times.  We came back from Winfield and came home so my dad could open his gift and eat ice cream and cake.  And then, somehow, we managed to sit around for the next couple of hours just talking and telling stories while we watched Jeff Dunham's Christmas special on TV.  The fun didn't stop there folks, when I took A home, we drove around a few neighborhoods talking and looking at Christmas lights, I then started grading each home's effort and "ooooh pretty"ness.  It was truly a fantastic evening.

The last few days we've been doing a lot of cleaning and things like that.  We're moving back in with my dad this coming Saturday.  Which, I mean, on our side of things it should be pretty easy to execute when the day comes; we're having professional movers come move our heavy things for us since we don't know what the weather will be like 100% until we actually start Operation Move Day 2, because we live in Kansas and you can never take a weather report 100%, but we've been doing some heavy duty cleaning out at the house.  I normally don't care to clean, let alone heavy duty cleaning, but it's been kind of a stress reliever in a way.  Or maybe that's just the motions of cleaning the walls that does that.

So yeah, we're moving on Saturday; kind of ready for it, I miss living out at the house. I miss my dogs and the privacy of not living above our neighbor.  Plus: I miss the long drive from school back home, it gives me time to unwind a little before I face my family and have to start chores and things.

Christmas Eve: pretty relaxed, I stayed home and watched How I Met Your Mother. I managed to finally finish season one.  I did however have to make a run to Dillions for green beans, scalloped potatoes and a gallon of milk for today.  Made it to Dillions only to find out that they're either closed Christmas Eve or close really early on Christmas Eve.  Me, of course, forgot my phone at home, so I ended up driving back to the apartment to tell my mom I'd have to go to Wal-Mart in the next town to get what we needed. AND that I was nearly out of gas; so I got to drive her truck, which has only happened one other time in the past year.  The trip was fine, not too much traffic, Wal-Mart was packed with people containing no common sense or manners...and we won't talk about the driver who cut me off in his small car that the truck would have completely totaled because he was being stupid and getting in too big of a hurry. Sorry, I'm still upset about that incident.

Today has been really good. I didn't get much gift wise, but I could care less. I'm just happy to have my parents healthy and happy.  They both enjoyed their gifts, and I swear, seeing my parents smile and freak out about their gifts as they unwrapped them was better than anything they've given me for Christmas in the past 16 years.  The only thing that could have made today even better was having my brother home; but I'm happy he's safe at home in Texas with his wife and kids.  Oh, did I mention the food was pretty good? 'cause it was.

Link of the Day: World's Largest Game of Ninja I was just thinking yesterday about things my friends and I have done over the years during high school.  One of the things that I remembered was playing Ninja before the homecoming pep rally.  And then I remembered this video from Vid Con 2011.

days until Christmas: 0! Happy Christmas!
days until Senior Year Part 2 begins: 10
days until I become an adult: 13
days until graduation: 145

BEDD 21: the secret book

I was actually quite excited to share another free write excessive I did a few weeks ago, but when I went through and looked for the document I had saved it in, I couldn't find it.  I think I might have accidentally deleted it when I was cleaning out my documents on my laptop.

That's alright though, because what I'm about to tell you pertains in a way to free writing.  Actually it doesn't, but it does have something to do with writing as you might have guessed from the title.

I'm writing a book.

I knew when NaNo ended last month that there was something I wanted to write about, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.  It definitely wasn't the route I had taken for my NaNo novel, but on a different path.  I actually didn't even figure out what path I wanted to go for this "secret book" until about ten minutes ago when I began to free write.  My original plan for this "secret book" was pretty out there and a confusing concept that I had already been having some questions about whether or not I wanted to even attempt that level of writing yet or not.

I'm telling you all for you to know, because even though I want to keep this to myself for a while, I feel like I need to let someone know of what I'm doing.  This book isn't just going to be for the fun of it, but to also help me learn about something I've always wanted to more about and to help educate others.

"Why are you telling us about it if you're going to keep it all a secret?" you might ask.  Well, BECAUSE. I just am.

Link of the day: The Party Music III video by LiveLavaLive makes me laugh so hard I'm to the point of tears every time I watch it.  Definitely a good one to watch if you're having a bad day, it'll at least put a smile on your face.

days until Christmas: 3
days until I become an adult: 17
days until graduation: 149

BEDD 19: where are the layers?

I would have never thought, a year ago, that I'd be making this type of blog post. It just blows my mind away in a way, mainly because it means that I'm growing up and stuff and things like that.

My senior English class (labeled English IV at our school) is pretty intense, by far my most difficult subject we're throwing maths out of the equation for now.  It's taken a lot of work to keep up, and even now with how much I've missed this term, I'm still behind; but dear God, I never would have thought that I would have learned so much about literature in general.  My teacher, Mrs. Perkins; SHE'S AWESOME.

Every time I read a book I can't help but think about things like motif, theme, symbolism and a bunch of other things that I've been working with for the last several months.  It just goes to show that those things have been pounded into my brain left to stay for forever, or at least until May 19th, 2012.  No I haven't been taking notes on the books I've been reading outside of class, but when I think about a book after I've finished it, all of it just appears in my brain.

The last couple of books that I've read, The Mermaid's Mirror by L.K. Madigan and Where I Want To Be by Adele Griffin haven't been up to par with my reading standards that I suddenly complied over the last few months.  On the surface these two books are good in their own individual and unique ways, but when I look deeper for a layer or two into what the book was supposed to say, I came up pretty empty handed and a bit confused in the end.

I wonder if I'm just overlooking books too much, or if I'm just a crazy loon who reads a lot of books for fun and analyzes them for funsies.  But then again, what if I was a lit major? Is that what lit majors do? Study books and analyze them?

I brought this up to my mom, how I wasn't finding many books that really interested me (also that I really don't care for series).  She told me quite bluntly that I needed to make the jump into adult novels and read some of her favorite authors that I've often questioned her about.  Which makes complete sense, since I often find that YA books are too simple for my reading tastes and don't have enough layers to them.  I've started a couple of David Baldacci books in the past year, but never finished them, but I enjoyed them immensely because of the level of reading the material was.

I don't know what I'm trying to say; but it just goes to show that even after all these years, I still love to read.

Link of the day: Best Fishing Bloopers I found this last week when I was surfing StumbleUpon when I was ill with the flu. My dad was here at the apartment and we watched it together and laughed so hard we were crying. Definitely a bonding moment since we both love fishing. I'm sure though, even if you don't care for fishing you'd find this at least a small bit entertaining.

days until winter break: > 1
days until Christmas: 5
days until I become an adult: 19
days until graduation: 151

BEDD 15: emotional wreck

You know, I feel like bawling right now. It's not because I had a bad day at school. Not because of arthritis pain or any of that.  But because my brother is hurting in a way that I've never seen him hurt, and it tears me to pieces because I can't do a single thing about it, let alone actually be there in person to give him a hug and tell him things will get better.

My brother and I are fifteen years apart, so it's been difficult at times in the past to connect with each other because of our age differences.  I think the only thing that we can connect on that doesn't require age is hunting and fishing, because it involves two of our favorite things, guns and fish.

Over the years I haven't seen too much of my brother Bill, who I call Bubby.  Fifteen when I was born, he went off to the United States Marine Corps boot camp right after he graduated in 1997.  He had been stationed in Okinawa for several years after he finished boot camp.  And then when the bombing of the Twin Towers happened, he had just coincidentally been state side during the events, not too long after that happened he was deployed to Kuwait where he eventually ended up in Iraq.

Here's the thing about Marines, they can appear emotionless and hard faced whenever they want.  Trained to focus and not let anything bother them in their path to completing their objective.  In all the moments that I've been with my brother, he's never appeared to be upset.  I have learned to read his face and know when he's angry or annoyed and when he's happy.  But today, today just makes me hurt too.

My mom got a message from my brother, about a good friend of his, Mr. Ken.  He worked with Mr. Ken since he had gotten out of the Marines back in 2004 and went to work at an oil refinery as a rigger.  Mr. Ken along with another man called Bomber, were like his older brothers he never had.  Mr. Ken and bomber helped my brother when he started working at the refinery.  Mr. Ken taught my brother so much about the line of work he's in that he's just amazed a man could know and care so much.

What has me upset about my brother, is this. He found out that Mr. Ken had passed away. That in itself is upsetting to hear about, but what I hadn't realized until my mom told me what Bubby said, was that Mr. Ken was only a year younger than our dad.  So that has Bubby and I both thinking.

It just tears me apart knowing that my brother is taking this news so hard, especially since it's the holiday season, and I can't be there to offer comfort.  All I want to do is get in my car and drive non-stop to Texas and give him a hug.  I've been thinking all evening about my brother and Bomber, and Mr. Ken's family.  I just want them to have some comfort right now and get through this.

I know this was a bit of a downer for a blog post as I slowly make my return back to blogging, but I've never felt this far away from my brother before.  Even when I was younger and he was in Iraq.  But I can't even compare those two because I was younger and didn't understand.

Do me a favor?  Tell your friends and family you love them; life is just too short.

Link of the day: SolarBeat is indescribable.  It combines music with our solar system and is just completely beautiful.

days until winter break: 6
days until Christmas: 10
days until I become an adult: 23
days until graduation: 155

BEDD 12: not the time

Today's blog comes in many parts.

PART 1

The lack of blogging the past week has been due to the fact that my mom, dad and I all ended up getting really ill with the flu. It was so bad. I can't even begin to tell you, in fact, I'm not ever going there because I want to spare you from the horribleness.  I can't remember the last time I was this ill where I couldn't do much of anything just because my entire body just ached.

PART 2

And of course, I had to fall really ill at the middle of a semi-important week that lead up to the ACT on Saturday, of which I did not attend because I knew I wouldn't be able to focus or not get sick for four.  Also, thought I was in the clear to go back to school today because I was feeling a lot better yesterday afternoon, GUESS NOT. And that's all we'll say on that matter.

PART 3

I'll still complete BEDD, but not with the structure I've outlined myself, because this month I actually have a lot on my mind that I want to blog about specifically.  I will however keep Wednesdays and Sundays the same, I kind of like those days.

PART 4

Also, this is irrelevant to everything else that I've mentioned, but for my (really lousy) goal that I set for myself this year on GoodReads, I'm two books away.  I finished the book I had been reading today, because of the whole still being ill and not ready to go back to school thing.  I was holding off on re-reading the Harry Potter series until the New Year, but I decided I'd go ahead and read the first two to finish off my goal, plus things have been rough lately (not just being ill) and I've always reverted back to reading the Harry Potter books when I get in a major funk, they always seem to help.

PART 5

Also irrelevant, I still haven't even started Christmas shopping yet.

Link of the day: Christmas Doodles just made me smile quite a lot and just uplifted my day. Plus it got me back into the holiday spirit.

days until winter break: 9

days until I become an adult: 26

days until graduation: 158

BEDD 5: traveling America

I'm sure that I've mentioned this before, that I want to travel through all 50 states in the United States and our territories.  I want to do this even more since I've narrowed down my options on my major for next year.  I've decided that out of all the history of the world, I want to study that of my favorite country and the one that I call home.

I find wars extremely interesting, although many believe that the wars and conflicts that we have been in through the years shouldn't be spoken of, I completely disagree. I believe the extreme opposite. We should learn everything we can about the wars we've been directly and indirectly apart of, including the views of others in other countries on the war in question.

The most interesting wars I find, which is difficult for me to pinpoint because of them are completely different in many senses, is the Revolutionary War and the Civil War.  Both of these I automatically think of when I think of my future plans to travel through all 50 states and territories.  Without the Revolutionary War (and Civil War) we wouldn't be the country that we are today, and we wouldn't have any significance to places on the east coast where so many people lost their lives.

Anyway, back on track. There for a bit, I was considering of deleting this blog. I don't really know why, but I was strongly considering it.  But then when I began to think about the conversations I've had with my brother about traveling during and after college and university, I decided not to delete it after all.

Bit of a ramble, and not really completely finished with in thoughts, but I think this is all my brain can handle for now, I'll continue on Saturday maybe...

Link of the day: Wayne Moran Photography is just awesome. I don't even know how I found such awesomeness, but I did. I am just in love with this photography I could probably spend all night just drooling over these photos.

days until ACT round 2: 5
days until I become an adult: 34
days until graduation: 166

BEDD 4: airplane firsts

Yesterday while I was decorating the apartment with my mom, I started to think about past Christmases.  Most of them have been the same, staying at home with mom and dad and just have a nice lazy day full of food and movies and occasionally some years we had snow.  There are a handful of Christmases that we weren't at home like we usually were.  This then lead me to think about the Christmases we spent in California visiting my brother and his first wife that we don't speak about in our family any more.  That then lead to me thinking about all the airplanes I had ridden in my lifetime because of those trips.

When I was younger, and I think this is still mostly true to today in some aspects, I was really afraid of heights.  Which some people find ironic since I'm pretty tall compared to others.  I didn't really care for airplane rides, they kind of freaked me out. Especially after 9/11.  That's why every time we went to the airport to board a plane to head to California you always saw me with a backpack with the essentials in it: coloring book, notebook, crayons, and usually a book to read.

Out of the handful of times I have ridden an airplane I've never slept on one, used the restroom on one, or even stood up on one.  For a child that couldn't sit still for long, I think plane rides were the only time I was some what subdued from my normal personality.

The last Christmas that we went to California for, our plane from L.A., if I recall correctly, took us to Cincinnati.  From Cincinnati we were put on commuter jet that took us to Wichita.  If you've never been on a commuter jet let me explain to you what it's like. They're small, compact and small. Did I mention small?  My parents were seated across the two foot isle from me, where I was sitting beside a man in his early thirties with his two kids in the seats in front of us.  Doesn't sound bad, right? I mean it wasn't a very long flight, but considering I was about seven or eight scared of heights and planes I was put onto a small compact plane.  It freaked me out.

And then, the man's little boy claimed he had to go to the bathroom. So naturally, with me being on the outside seat so I could still be near my parents, I had to stand up to let the man out of his seat to take his son to the back of the plane.  Doesn't really sound horrible, but I was scared to death to even unbuckle my seat belt let alone stand up to let him out and then stand back up to let him back in.

Lame, anti-climatic story I know, but I still remember those plane rides.

Link of the day: booksandquills is the YouTube channel of Sanne where she talks a lot about a variety of books.  I've always enjoyed watching her videos and she's kept my want to continue reading sparked with new books to add to my reading list.

days until ACT round 2: 6
days until I become an adult: 35
days until graduation: 167

BEDD 3: favorite NCIS quotes

After reading Kathy's favorite Doctor Who quotes on herblog, I decided I pick some of my favorite quotes out of my favorite show NCIS.  My family and I have been watching NCIS since it started, and before that we watched JAG which in several senses was really similar. There are so many good moments throughout the show and all of it's seasons, these are just a few out of the pile.

Season 8, Episode 10: "False Witness"

Gibbs: Facebook. that's the thing that some people...do stuff with?

Ducky: The term is social networking.

Season 8, Episode 8: "Enemies Foreign"

Gibbs: Officer Hadar. You almost made me spill my coffee.

Hadar: Americans...You can never just say hello.

Gibbs: How about shalom? Hello and good-bye.

Hadar: And peace, Agent Gibbs.

Gibbs: Not a lot of that when you're around.

Season 7, Episode 2: "Reunion"

McGee: What are you doing? I'm not the sidekick.

Tony: I'm the boss when Gibbs isn't here.

Gibbs: Gibbs is here.

Season 7, Episode 4 "Good Cop, Bad Cop"

Ziva: Look, I have learned many things from Gibbs, and one of those is that there is no such thing as an ex-marine.

Season 4, Episode 16: “Dead Man Walking”

Ziva: This is killing me. I feel like I know him.

Tony: Mossad?

Ziva: Maybe.

Tony: Internet dating?

Ziva: [picks up a paperclip] I will kill you 18 different ways with THIS paperclip!

Season 3, Episode 21: “Bloodbath”

Abby: I dated him last year and things just got a little out of hand.

Tony: Did I mention the restraining order?

Abby: Ok it was lot out of hand.

Gibbs: Why didn't you come to me, Abby?

Abby: Because, Gibbs, I wanted him restrained. Not beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat.

Link of the day: The 8th Horcrux is a wizard rock band from Kansas that I found over the summer when I was just hanging out on the interwebs on bandcamp. I'd definitely give them a look if you like wizard rock.

days until ACT round 2: 7

days until I become an adult: 36

days until graduation: 168

BEDD 1: motivation

I'll be completely honest with you. I miss blogging, and I miss it a lot. I just lack motivation. And unfortunately it's not just blogging that I lack motivation with.  I've been lacking motivation when it comes to a few of my classes.  And that alone is really really bad considering that there's less than a couple of weeks left before we take finals and go on winter holiday.  Once again, I'll be completely honest; my grades aren't at their best right now.

I don't know what's happened, I was going strong for about 3/4 of the semester, between actually doing my homework and enjoying the classes; then BAM! I just fell out of it, and it really frustrates me.  After the horrible academic year that was junior year, I was really hoping to get things back on track and make an impression on my transcript for college, but at this point, it looks like it'll be the same thing once again.

It seems like the only motivation that I have for anything right now that keeps me going to school every day is that there is less than six months until graduation and then after that I can I can move on and do things in my life that I want to do and get away from the people that keep holding me back.    Going back to the fact though that I've run out of motivation, the only way I'm keeping up right now is doing just the bare minimum to pass, and that in itself just irritates me so much, that I'm allowing myself to do that.

This probably doesn't make any sense, but my brain just doesn't work like it should at times.  What I'm trying to say is that December is here now, and I want to make it worthwhile.  I'm going to be Blogging Every Day in December in hope that I'll be able to get back into blogging.  I'm also setting up a schedule to go to the gym so I can really focus on strengthening my muscles because all my leg muscles have gone back to being pieces of flimsy licorice.  I want December to be a good month, and a good way to end 2011.

Side note, I have a bit of a plan for December when it comes to blogging, so be ready for some structure of some sort. :)


days until ACT round 2: 9
days until I become an adult: 37
days until graduation: 169

a closing night to remember

It was like a ritual that senior cast bonding night always went over time, even if we added an extra hour to the sit down, we always ran late.  I prayed to myself as I ran backstage through the dark alongside of other cast members and crew rushing to get props, finish costumes or get shift ready that all would go well and no one would get hurt, but to also enjoy what could possibly be my last time performing on my high school stage.  With less than five minutes until the overture started my praying time with God was rushed and cut short.

Standing behind the main traveler curtain, I took in several deep breaths, gave our stage manager Rose a hug told her thanks and that I loved her and waited a few more seconds before I headed on stage as a cranky old woman selling flowers.  Although I barely got any stage time as the cranky old woman, and I mean barely any time as in all I was supposed to do was walk right across the stage, I fell in love with the character that I had made myself become.  Before I knew it, my short time on stage as the cranky old woman was over with and I hurried to get rid of my props and begin my quick change into an older crapshooter.

I remember back when we had first done our very first full run straight through from the beginning of Act I to the ending of Act II, it seemed like forever between all of my scenes, and that I wasn't getting very much stage time.  It was apparent though on Saturday night that that was all false.

Every show I seemed to over work myself in one way or another, physically or emotionally seemed to be one of the options.  It seemed that it took me only four years how to handle myself in both of those ways to make the best of the show.  Because of over working myself in the past, I never really appreciated the friends I had come to make with fellow cast members or the tech crew.  As I sat backstage, uncomfortable in the foreign male attire of a suit with a tie that felt like it was constantly going to choke me even after I messed with it countless times that I realized what I was doing wrong.

During cast bonding, I addressed several people who I had become extremely close with over the last year or two, and gave my thanks for everyone supporting me when I was having major hip pain.  Towards the end though, I began crying with a wave of emotions that hit me so hard and so fast I didn't know what to do except end my speech and pat my tears off my face hoping I didn't take any stage makeup off with it.  There's was no way that I could address every single person that held me up over the course of the show.  Even when someone smiled at me, or asked me how I was doing, it always seemed to lighten my mood.

Sitting backstage, I confronted those people and told them how thankful I was for them and how proud of them I was.  At the end of the night, it wasn't about how much stage time I didn't have, or how uncomfortable my costume was; I was thankful for my friends, my family.

It's cliche, I know, but theatre is my family.  And I never really truly experienced that feeling until this year.  We're a large, loud, energetic, dysfunctional and weird group of kids, but we're a family.  We all have had our ups and downs with each other and with the show, but we all pitch in together and we somehow manage to work through things and stick it out together.  We can lean on each other for anything; there is absolutely no doubt about it, theatre IS my family.

I don't know how the rest of my senior year will go, but one thing is for sure, Guys and Dolls has changed my perspective on many things and I'm going to miss my theatre family so incredibly much next year.


days until I become an adult: 38
days until graduation: 170

stage kit & pre-show routine

Hello lovely internet people! It's great to be back blogging again, it's been difficult for me to be motivated to write a blog post this month since I've been writing away for NaNoWriMo as well as working on the musical that is fast approaching.

By fast approaching I mean, our first audience showing is on Tuesday and our official opening night is Thursday.  I've decided that I'd share some behind the scenes stuff that I've been doing for this show, including my organizational methods and how I prep before show time when I have to layer on the stage makeup that is a pain in the butt.

I can't believe it's taken me over four years to get this organized for stage makeup and other things of the sort.  I used to just put my stage makeup in a pencil case with some hair ties and bobby pins and off I went.  Over the years I've been progressively become more and more articulate when it comes to organization, and this year was no different.  It's been weird to be back in a show, let alone a show that I have a lot different things I need to do.

My best friend Levi asked me to help him pick out brushes the other day that would last for a long time and were of good quality.  We eventually ended up also picking out a tackle box for him to keep his things together and organized.  I of course loved the idea and simplicity of it, went home that night and put together my own in my own tackle box (after of course I moved my tackle out into a different box).  I can't believe that I never thought of using a tackle box to get organized.

I primarily use the top layer for my stage makeup so it's all right there and easy to access.  I have my brushes, eyeliner, brow liner, lipstick, q-tips, lip balm and my Ben Nye makeup we use for stage makeup.  The spare compartments I use to put bobby pins, hair ties and jewelry that I might be wearing before I change into costume.

The next two layers are basically just the rest of my normal makeup that I have, and most of it I can use in some way in my stage makeup routine.  I have several things of lipsticks varying in shades, mostly they're all red.  My lonely tube of mascara that's on the fits of dying on me.  Nail clippers I find come in handy not only for clipping nails short but to clip away any spare threads on costumes.  I have my other eyeliners tucked away, in the only place they fit.  And my mom's Mary Kay palette.  I like the idea that there's still empty compartments for room to grow.

The bottom of the tackle box is a mess. But it's all the big stuff that won't fit any where else but has a major role in my pre and post show routines.  I have a can of hairspray, jar of cold cream, toothpaste, deodorant, face scrub, toothbrush and baby wipes.  Where's a comb or brush you might ask?  No where, I normally don't brush my hair, but I use a wide tooth combed; I do it this way because my hair is so long and thick I usually put it in a bun or braid.  For this show, I play an old lady vendor where the costume head said she wanted  my hair to be crazy, so there's really nothing specific I need to do. And then for being a man, I just put my hair in a bald cap.  No need for combs or brushes here.

These are the products that I'm using for this show.  Most of these are Ben Nye products.

The lipstick is Maybelline in the color of "wine on ice" or A78.  I've used this for my lipstick for shows since 2008.  It works well for me because the color a shade of red that doesn't look harsh paired with my skin tone but still shows up well on stage.  It especially works well for this show because it doesn't look like I'm wearing lipstick from the audience so it doesn't look weird when I portray a man.  The only down side to this lipstick though is the fact that it fades off rather quick.  I have to keep applying the lipstick several times throughout the show. My first two shows I kept the lipstick on my body at all times and any time I was offstage I was reapplying it.

The mascara that I use, I'm not sure if it's still available or not, but I love it so incredibly much.  It's from the Mary Kay Signature line in the color "BLACK" OR KH22, it's a lash lengthening mascara and it is a really really nice black. It works well for lashes that are light in color, like mine.

The black eyeliner I have here, that I've been using a lot, is so worn down that I have no idea what brand it is.

I won't spend much time on the Ben Nye stuff because I'm hoping to post a post specifically about the brand and how to use it properly in the near future.  But if you've never worn stage makeup, or at least Ben Nye makeup, the foundation is really thick and it's difficult to get used to.  It took me nearly all night on Thursday to get used to wearing it again.  The brush that's used for drawing facial lines, KB-00 is crap.  There are much better brushes for facial lines, like EcoTools eyeliner brush that Levi bought.  The KB-00 is just poor quality in my opinion of all the times I've used it.

This is everything that I use for my pre and post show routines.  I have a combination skin type, where sometimes it oily and sometimes it's dry.  I wouldn't necessarily recommend this to anyone because each person's skin is different and reacts to stage makeup different.  My face tends to break out when I wear stage makeup because of the foundation, these routines really help.

Both routines follow each other, so it's like a circle every single night. And it takes a while, but it's worth it.

PRE-SHOW:

1.  In the morning before I go to school I wash my face with Pond's Cold Cream.  It help moisturizes my face and keeps my face clean and soft through the day.

2. I brush my teeth before I head to the school in the evening, or usually right after I have dinner.  I hate being on stage with someone who hasn't brushed their teeth after they've eaten dinner, I never want to be that person.  I use Crest Baking Soda and Peroxide Whitening with tarter protection in Fresh Mint with a travel toothbrush that I keep in my travel bags normally.

3. I take a baby wipe and gently wipe down my face to get rid of the oils from my hands because I have a habit of touching my face a lot during the day and any other dirt that might have ended up on my face.  I've used a different brand of baby wipes every show, and I can say that Huggies is the best that I've tried.  They're not scented, they're gentle but they get the job done, especially when it comes to my post-show routine.

POST-SHOW:

1.  I use the baby wipes and gently take off the layers of stage makeup in circular motions.  It's important to use circular motions because I've found if I go any other way it irritates my skin. There really is no way to get it all off with just a few wipes, I go through at least ten every night. And even then I've never been able to get it all off.

2. When I get home I wet my face with lukewarm water and then gently massage St. Ive's naturally clear apricot scrub for blemish and blackhead control.  I leave it on for just a minute or two without touching it and then I wash it off with a washcloth and warm water.  I use warm water because my skin is really sensitive to water temperatures.  And of course, circular motions I have found, work the best.

Today is awesome because: I remembered to finally take my hoodie to the laundry mat to wash it.

current location: bedroom among a pile of clean clothes that can't fold themselves.
current word count: 18,644
days until the fall musical: 4
days until I become an adult: 55
days until graduation: 188

NaNoWriMo 2011: a glimpse of the first 6,000

I decided since I can't really string along anything important enough sounding of a blog post for you guys to read, since it IS NaNo time. I decided I'd share with you a small portion of my novel from the first 6,000 (I haven't quite made it there yet, but I'm rounding up, I'm at 5,837 words currently).  Feel free to comment what you think and stuff like that.

Also, this is unedited. Just "word vomit" as I read in a comment earlier today in the forums on the NaNo site.


           Sam and Dae were pretty close siblings considering how much their father favored Dae and their mother favored Sam, many people thought that the favoritism would eventually tear the siblings apart. But it hadn’t, or at least not yet.  Sam Schneider standing tall at six feet and three inches towered over both Dae and their father. He was by far the most athletic out of the Schneider family, he was on the school swimming, basketball and soccer teams for his entire high school career and continued on playing soccer in college at New York University.  The only thing that really resembled his father was his ability to argue on anything and stand behind his beliefs and research.  Although he never debated, Sam was a genius when it came to finding the truth out about something and could plan a strategy that no one could understand or see coming at them.  Sam was what his father called “lawyer material” but still wanted to be proved that he had it in him.

            “What are you doing tonight?” Sam asked as he walked through Dae’s open bedroom door and shut it behind him before making his way over to sit on a pile of neatly stacked clothes on her bed.  He watched her from her bed as she started replacing things in her room and pulling a few things out of her suit cases they used to pack her things up from school.

            “Probably meeting up with the others in the City to celebrate before all hell breaks loose." Dae responded as she placed a photo frame with her and Brooke at a boutique in Paris from two summers ago.  Letting out a sigh she turned to face Sam, “Why? What’s up your sleeve?” She questioned with a sly grin beginning to slide onto her face.

Today was awesome because: I received  my piano book in the mail today.

current location: freezing bedroom

current word count: 5,837

days until the fall musical: 15

days until I become an adult: 66

days until graduation: 199

halloween and things NaNoWriMo

I'm not going to spend this blog talking about ToTsKCE that went really well, or about my views on Halloween, but regardless HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

This post is primarily to talk about NaNo, once again, but a bit more in depth.  And yes, there are a LOT of things to cover.

PART 1

If you're on the fence about doing NaNo, sign up and join the fun (I think there's still time to sign up...), even if you don't have enough time to write the entirety of 50,000 words it's worth a shot.  It's not like we'll never talk to you again, and besides, wonder "what if"s are a waste of time!  Just go on to www.NaNoWriMo.org and check things out for yourself.

PART 2

I spent quite a lot of time last night on the interwebs just waiting for Tuesday to get here so I can start writing, so I spent a lot of that time looking for other tools and ideas to use during November as I write my novel.  One of them that I found, not really a tool, but just a cool place to go to read about other NaNo novelers' experiences and tips and tricks is WriMosFTW!  I highly recommend checking that place out for some inspiration if you get in a sticky place during your noveling.

PART 3

Also, this goes along with PART 2, I found this dandy tool called Write or Die! (no you don't actually die if you don't write) but it's a really cool thing to use to keep you writing.  You can set a timer for up to 2 hours or for a word count goal.  Pick a grace period, depending on how long you want to allow yourself to think between thoughts and a consequence level.  I messed around with it a bit last night, but I honsetly don't remember too much of it considering I was studying for my civics test today (which I think I dominated) and it was like midnight.  I would give Write or Die a shot at least once during the month to get your daily word count in so you can see if it works for you or not.  The whole purpose of it is to just make you write, and not edit as you go.

PART 4

This is definitely a major linkage blog post...I also found these neat NaNo calendars to put as your desktop background, I'm using the purple one.  You can find them right here, and there's several colors to chose from!

PART 5

I know this might be too late for some depending on how they run, but maybe not for others.  I've got a calendar set up in my room, basically telling me what I have to do and what I need for the day everyday during the week on a massive bulletin board.  Also, I've set up my Google Calender so it's got everything scheduled that needs to be scheduled so I won't forget, or lost my planner (which happens frequently) and forget something important.  Also, I've got a specific notebook set aside that I'll pack in my school bag and theatre bag so I can write on the go.  Organization is probably the only way I'll make it through November.

PART 6

I still don't have a title for my novel yet, but I'm sure that will come at some point.  I'll share more details about my novel throughout the month, who knows maybe someone can help me come up with a title?

And, I think that's about it.  If I missed something, I'll probably edit in, but I honestly don't think I missed anything...

OH! Happy noveling everyone, wherever you might be!

[[EDIT]] I forgot to mention that you can buddy me on NaNoWriMo.org, just look out for me as As.Is!

Today was awesome because: out of all things awesome that happened today, my business teacher gave us candy in class, she was the only teacher who handed out candy to her students. :)

location: freezing bedroom
days until NaNoWriMo begins: 3 hours
days until the fall musical: 17
days until I become an adult: 68
days until graduation: 201

water creatures

I've always heard the familiar "You eat your favorite animal?!" phrase since about third grade when we were once asked our favorite animal, my response was fish; and then asked our favorite food, also fish.  I couldn't help but think about how much I really do love fish and other water creatures today as I was cleaning out Ducky's (my fish) tank that I had neglected for far too long since school started consuming my life 24/7, which might I add was inspired by a random trip to Petco with my dad yesterday where we both spent at least 20 minutes if not longer looking at the fish, turtles and frogs.

Eating my favorite animal aside, I really do find water creatures quite interesting.  I think it's the novelty of living in water that interests me the most.  I mean, that's our greatest difference, I live above ground with fellow humans and other above-ground-inhabitant creatures, and fish along with other water creatures live in water.  Basically, what I'm trying to say is that things that aren't normal to me and how I live really interest me.  Like other cultures from around the world.  I mean, how would it be different for you personally if you lived or grew up in Germany, or Vietnam? What would it be like to be a fish or other water creature?

Although, don't let this make you think I've always love water animals, fish especially.  When I was about five, at my Grandpa's in Branson, Missouri, we were fishing on the bank of the lake behind his house.  I was fishing with my little pink fishing rod my dad had bought me when they found out my mom was having a girl.  As soon as I felt a tug on the line I threw the pole on the ground and ran to the house.  It's taken me years to get so obsessed with fish.

Anyway, this was just a little something that was on my mind today, although I didn't really intend to share that specific story with you all because to me it's kind of embarrassing now, considering how much I love fishing...

I'll be blogging tomorrow about my preparations for all things November to help stay organized in what is definitely my busiest month of the year.

Today is awesome because: I think Ducky and I are on better terms now that I've properly started to care for him again.

current location: organized desk in the freezing bedroom
days until NaNoWriMo begins: 1
days until the fall musical: 18
days until I become an adult: 69
days until graduation: 202

mail time

If you follow me on Twitter, or happened to be on my blog a few moments ago and looked at my Twitter feed, you'll know that I received a package in the mail.  I got really excited when I saw it through the kitchen door window as I was unlocking the door because I thought it was my piano book that I ordered.  BUT IT WASN'T. Talk about a plot twist, eh?  Anyway, the package wasn't small, but wasn't too big.  It was from Jostens, the company that our school does all of our graduation things through.  I grabbed the nearest knife and opened the package to find my lovely souvenirs, that we ordered.  I even took photos, with our crappy camera that's almost ten years out of date.

This is all that was in the package, the 2012 Senior women's grey v-neck, 2012 key ring, a memory book and then a class key ring that has the school colors and emblem along with my initials engraved on the back.

I usually don't like key rings, but I like this one, also it adds weight to my lanyard which makes it easier to throw...

Our camera wouldn't focus properly, but I was trying to show the detail on the emblem.  I just absolutely love this so much.  Even when I saw it in the catalog with red and yellow as the school colors, I just fell in love with it.

I actually didn't want the memory book, but my mom was buying one of the special packages that included this in it so I have it any way.  I flipped through the pages and really all it is is a place to put photos through the last four years and write down specifics about event that happened during the year.  Maybe I'll like it more once I get a better look at it...

Also....

205 DAYS UNTIL GRADUATION!

Today is awesome because: I got this wonderful package from Josten's AND we play the first game of play offs tonight at home. GO WILDCATS!
current location: kitchen table that isn't in the kitchen but in the living room, so I guess it's a living table.
days until NaNoWriMo begins: 4
days until the fall musical: 21
days until I become an adult: 72
days until graduation: 205

free write: too much pressure

I've been meaning to do a few free writing excersices before NaNo starts, but I havn't really been able to do any because my lack of time and brain engergy.  Today though, in my music history class we were listening to music from the romantic period, and though the first couple of selections were good, I couldn't just sit there and listen to the music.  So I flopped down on the floor, sprawled out with my notebook and pencil and started writing.  I was going for a 40 minute free write which would have lasted until the school dismisal bell, but about ten minutes before that we got on the subject of graduation so all my focus was averted else where.

And I thought maybe you'd like to see what I wrote. *bashful smile*  I would like to preface this with the fact that it was mainly inspired by the fact that the first selections of music that we listened to today in class was those primarily composed of piano, since the romantic time period is when they really started using pianos as a center piece if you will.  Also, this is unedited or proofed, so keep that in mind...

Too Much Pressure

Michelle pounded on the keys of her piano in frustration. She was thankful though that she was the only one in the piano hall since it was three thirty in the morning.  Things from the outside looked good in Michelle's life, it would be confusing for anyone to see or hear her banging on the one thing that made Michelle such a known person.

That in itself was part of the frustration Michelle was feeling.  She had been taught by world known pianists, even taught her own classes to adult beginners.  Michelle hadn't even applied to the university she was attending, they wanted her so badly for their music program they made offers that even Michelle's extremely wealthy family couldn't pass up.  She had all that weight on her shoulders, to continue to be the "best". It wasn't like she didn't love playing anymore but all the pressure was definitely taking a toll on her.

Folding her sheet music up and slipping into a folder specifically for her recital music Michelle let out a sigh.  As she poked out a simple rhythm using only middle C, she couldn't help but wonder what could have been if she had never came here.  Or even yet, if she pursued something in another field.  Pounding one last time on middle C, Michelle stood up and left the hall headed back to the dorms to sneak into her dorm room without waking her room mate, Alexis, up.

It seemed like the walk back to her dorm room that morning helped clear Michelle's head.  waking up in a good mood she had happily agreed to get breakfast with Alexis.  Instead of wearing a nice pair of jeans that she normally wore while at school, against her mother's protests, Michelle chose a coral floral print dress that fell right above her knees.  Instead of her Converse, aslo not approved by her mother, she chose a pair of nude pumps that made her tall stature even more apparent.

"You're in a good mood." Alexis noted with a smile as they left the building.

"I guess so." Michelle said nodding her head slightly.

"How many more weeks until the senior recital?" Alexis asked.  "You're staying at the hall later and later every night." Alexis pointed out.

Today is awesome because: I finally got to free write!
current location: homework covered desk in my warm bedroom
days until NaNoWriMo begins: 6
days until the fall musical: 23
days until I become an adult: 74
days until graduation: 207

unicorn random

Preface: I'm in a really good mood right now but also short on time, so this will probably contribute to lack of cohesiveness.  Also, I have a weird obsession lately with unicorns. I blame Krista Horner.

PART 1

Considering how much school I've missed in the last two and a half weeks mostly due to a really bad sinus infection and basically every single joint in my body hurting to the point where I'm limited in moving, today was a REALLY productive and good day at school. I managed to get everything organized finally, which I've been needing to do for a super long time but things kept being pushed my way.  I'm hoping that within the next week, if it productivity stays like it was for today, that I'll be mostly caught up.

PART 2

I finally got enough nerve to shred the paper application up and apply online to SC.  So that's a thing.  Now all I have to do is write my essay, which you'd think would be pretty easy for me considering how I enjoy writing and blogging. BUT IT'S SO MUCH HARDER THAN THAT.  I have absolutely no idea how to write about myself technically.  Although, it's mostly just coming up with interesting transitions to transition from my points, because let's be honest, when they ask for some back ground information about you plus your goals in life AND how the school can help you achieve them, it's a bit difficult to come up with transitions that are just run of the mill. I guess I'm just making this too difficult on myself. I just really really want my essay to stand out.

PART 3

I'm pretty much recovered from taking the ACT on Saturday.  It didn't feel like it took four hours, but I guess that's all because I was so focused on it.  To be honest, I'm sure my scores are pretty horrid looking. Except for the grammar, it's basically like proofing a paper, and that was really easy. Especially since it was multiple choice, I like multiple choice questioned tests.

So once we get the feedback from ACT it'll be sent down to SC and, allowing that I've already sent my essay, the admissions office will look at my application.

PART 4

I once, a very long time ago, thought of majoring in English.

NEVER.

PART 5

I currently hold in my position my good friend's keyboard piano.  And of course, considering piano is something I'd like to learn, have been taking advantage of having it in my posession.  I'm so committed to learning that I managed to talk my mom into getting an adult beginner piano book from Amazon.  Also, my best friend Jessie, she gave me some sight reading books to practice with since I was never good at sight reading to begin with.

PART 6

Remember when I said I was going to give blood a while back? Yeah, I survived, obviously.  And today I finally got a letter from the American Red Cross.  It was basically a letter thanking me for donating and the statistics of young adults and children who need blood, and how most first time donors never donate again.  I mean, that was cool and all, but I got a special card with my name and blood type on it for future donations. I think that's the moral of this story. Is that I have yet another special card to carry around with me.

PART 7

I'm. so. excited. for. NaNoWriMo. to. start. already.

PART 8

The show is going...good.  We're behind since we started a couple weeks later than we normally do with musicals.  But I've got my costumes lined out and things.  Now I just remember the dancing, music and when to go on stage.  Oh, I still need to learn how to BE A MAN. It'll probably come more natural once we start doing runs in costume.

Today was awesome because: it's been super productive.

current location: on the floor in my bedroom

days until NaNoWriMo begins: 7

days until the fall musical: 24

days until I become an adult: 75

days until graduation: 208

then and now

Tomorrow morning one of my best friends goes into surgery on her ankle.  Today we spent breakfast and lunch talking about it (her surgery) and my hip replacement.  As I was doing some errands, waiting on a stoplight to change to green, I realized that my hip replacement was the first surgery that I had been treated like an adult.  Granted, the nurses had no idea in the world how to treat me otherwise, considering they were all used to patients at the youngest fifty for a joint surgery.

As I've mentioned in posts past, the surgeries I've had pre-hip were done at a children's hospital where they are obviously very used to working with kids and now the tricks on how to keep them calm and things like that.  The nurses comforted me in a way that I knew things would be okay and my parents were only at a short word away.  When I had my hip replaced, I can remember clear as anything when I started to come out of anesthesia , I started crying because I wanted my mom, naturally as you do when you come out of a major surgery intended for an old woman instead of a seventeen year old.  The nurses I remember, were basically "ohgreatwhatdowedoshewantshermombutwerenotsupposedtobringfamilybackbutshescryingandshesonlyseventeen".  Needless to say, they sent a nurse to get my mom.

Also, pre-hip, in post op I didn't have an oxygen mask to wear.  Of which, I might add, I don't like to wear AT ALL, because I can't talk with it on...Post hip, the nurses kept getting onto me because I kept taking the mask off of my face, and finally after I told them that I wasn't wearing the damn mask they gave me a nasal cannula to put in my nose, of which I also didn't like, but I could at least talk with it on.

Another difference is the fact that when my parents left me, I was just on my own.  At Shriner's, a nurse would always stop in until I would go to sleep to see how I was.  Post hip, the only time I saw my nurses was if I called for them to help me out of bed and walk to the bathroom, to give me medicine or check my vitals.  I have to admit, that was the first time that I really felt like an adult, was the first night when my parents left me to go home and I was there by myself.  Although, considering the medicines I was on, I was mostly asleep.

A long running joke we've had through the last few months post hip, is about the Klondike bar.  When I was in Shriner's my parents basically bribed me with Klondike bars, basically because it was the only thing in the vending machine upstairs and it was one of the only things that got me motivated to do anything.  Like go the extra five feet walking without crutches, or doing an extra set of physical therapy.  I didn't get a Klondike bar once throughout my recovery from hip replacement.

Today was awesome because: I got to sleep in an extra hour this morning, thank goodness for late start Wednesdays at our school!

Current location: the blue comfy couch in the living room
days until ACT: 3
days until NaNoWriMo begins: 12
days until the fall musical: 29
days until I become an adult: 80
days until graduation: 213

simplicity

I had quite an interesting trip yesterday to the laundromat, though normally it is usually always an interesting trip because of the interesting people there is that show up.  But yesterday was different because I actually got a lot of stuff done.  By a lot of stuff done I mean, procrastinating my revisions and homework for school...  I blogged, yeah at the laundromat; read some headlining articles over at the Washington Post, read some blogs, and of course did my laundry.

What really made yesterday an interesting day at the laundromat though wasn't that I got things accomplished, but because I had an enormous amount of clothes to wash for the week when I only went to school one full day and part of another. I mean, I also had rehearsals, which I wore my sweats to; but I couldn't figure out why I had so many clothes to wash.  That in itself isn't why my trip to the laundromat was interesting.

I got to thinking, how many t-shirts I own, because let's be honest, I will automatically pick a t-shirt and jeans or t-shirt and sweats over anything else; so I've got a pretty large collection of t-shirts.  Of those t-shirts, I tend to only wear maybe ten or so most of the time.  I have three pairs of jeans, three sets of athletic shorts, and one pair of sweats (that actually fit me properly) that I wear.  Compared to my friends' wardrobes, I have the most simplistic wardrobe of them all.

There's no doubt that I prefer Twitter over Facebook.  Because of simplicity.  Twitter is just so much more simple than Facebook, and I really like that fact about it.  It's easy to use and generally doesn't make me confused.  Speaking of Twitter, I now have a new Twitter account, so follow @Nerdfighter12 to keep up with me and other things blog related!

Also, I'll eat nearly anything.  Which makes it easy for my mom since she doesn't that majority of the cooking in the family.  If I'm rushed on time to eat, I don't care what it is, I'll eat it.  I'm definitely not someone who enjoys big fancy expensive dinners, so much so, I would probably say that would be a DON'T if you took me on a date.

I guess what I'm getting at, is sometimes it's good to have one part of your life that's really simple and easy so that you don't have to worry about yet another thing.  I'm pretty detailed in the things I do normally, so it's nice to just have something really simple in my life that I can just do and get on with the day.

Today is awesome because: it's really feeling like fall now, plus we have the day off from school; also, I'm bringing back "why today is awesome".

Current location: very messy desk/sewing table
days until ACT:  4
days until the fall musical: 30
days until I become an adult: 81
days until graduation: 214