forgive me?

I owe you an apology. You know as much as anyone else that I hate the phrase "I'm sorry" because when people normally say it it's filled with an empty meaning.  I want you to know deep down inside that I truly am sorry.

I know you're probably wondering why I took this direction in going about this, but it's been very evident that I can most strongly get my emotions out if I write them rather than speak them.  When I try to speak sometimes about something that I've been meaning to say, I clam up and freak out and never completely get around to saying everything that I set out to say.

Over the last couple of months I haven't really been a friend. Or at least a friend in a way that I want to be.  I've pretty much lost contact with you in mid October and never really tried to talk to you until December.  I have to admit, my reasons for this are selfish.

I think you can understand the parts I'm leaving out here, of the things that I've been going through over the last year.  Between moving into town, trying to sort my emotions out about my surgery and then the beginning of senior year.  I don't know what it was that made me get so overwhelmed with the things going on in my life. It might have been the work load I had in school, or being so involved in the musical, home life, or even the fact that I was still working through adjustments to post-hip replacement with the new pains I was experiencing.  Regardless of what it was or when it started, I became extremely overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle things.  I didn't sleep well at night and often laid in bed for hours just constantly thinking.

This is the part that's hard for me to explain, even in writing it's difficult.

It's safe to say that you probably know I have a hard time asking for help.  I've always felt like it's just me and up to me to figure things out, that I shouldn't burden anyone else with my problems; even my closet friends that I can call my brothers and sisters.  I just didn't know how to approach anyone.  I was just trying to get through a school day and rehearsals to go to bed and do it all over again.  I was just trying to survive the semester.

I hope that after reading this that you can understand some of what was going through my head and we can work this rough spot out in our friendship and move on.

I do understand though, if the damage that I've done is enough that you don't want to stay friends; but I just had to get this out, just so you know why things happened like they did.

I wish you the best in everything you do, always remember that.

Link of the day: A Resolute Unicycling Muppet I laughed so hard when I watched this my parents wanted to know what I was laughing at. Definitely made my evening.

days until 01/15/12: 2
days until Valentine's Day: 32
days until graduation: 126