writing insecurities

Today is the last day of January 2012.  It is also the day my editorial paper for my English 3 paper was due.  Let's not forget, today was also the day that my arthritis decided that it hadn't come around much and decided to kick my ass so hard I ended up staying in bed crying myself to sleep instead of going to school.  Yup, what a great way to end Jaunary 2012.  Don't worry though, this isn't going to be the end of today.

Although I did spend the majority of my day in my bed whimpering in pain, and the other half sitting on the couch watching Formual One Racing for no real apparant reason, I did something I've never done before.

As I said, my editorial paper was due in English today.  My teacher doesn't take late papers, which is understandable since the last three years she's taught at MHS juniors just didn't show up on due day thinking they could get out of it.  I made it extremely clear to my dad that he was in charge of taking my paper, research and other needed items into the school and give to the front desk.  I pressured him so much he kept repeating what I said to him before he left for his doctor appointment.

I've had mixed feelings on this editorial.  Not only was it my first editorial that I wrote, but I was ill the day that everyone picked topics so the ones I wanted were gone and I was left with the bottom of the barrel scraping around for something somewhat interesting to research and write about.  I ended up with a topic over milk, which does sound funny I know, but it intrested me enough considering me other options so I chose it.  I became extremely frustrated when I couldn't figure out how to sort through the almost meaningless research I had found, and even more frustrated when I began to actually write the paper in class and my teacher offered no real support.

The thing with me is this, I love to write. I enjoy writing papers for schools, they don't bother me.  I'll put a lot of work into a project and when I turn it in I become so overly anxious and nervous that it's all I think about.  Even with just free writing, I'll write for twenty minutes with no filter in my brain to see where my imagination will take me.  Then, instead of sharing it I push it away into the files of my laptop to never been seen again.  Even when it comes to blogging I second guess my abilities when I post something.  I wonder if I wrote that to the best of my abilities or if I just half assed it and should delete it to just forget it ever happened.

I'm sure that several people feel similiar, that they work really hard on a project and then fear for rejection or something similiar.  It really upsets me though.  I love writing so much, and it's become ever so apparant in the last few months.  With working on the Secret Book project, it makes me nervous already, and I'm only within the first five chapters of the book.

What I did today though, it took a lot of talking to myself to do it but I did it.  I put my editorial on Writing.com for the whole interwebs to see.  I won't lie, I was extremely nervous when I pressed the saved button even though I knew I should be confident in my hard work and writing.  I then left the website for a hour or so and focused on some other things.  When I went back, I was shocked to find that I had two reviews on my editorial, both of which where informative and offered very good advice in how to tweak a few things and urging me to continue to write.

Just those two reviews changed my thinking on my abilitiy as a writer.  I know I'm not the best that I can achieve, I still have a lot of work to do to better my writing skills.  I also know that not everyone will like what I produce, and that's fine.  I feel a lot better now in more ways than I can describe, taking that plunge and hitting save was what it took to show myself that the things I produce aren't all that bad.

Out of all this, it made my day considerably better and gives me the push I needed to keep on writing.

If you feel so inclined to read my editorial, it can be found here.

Now, I just need to push through my reading and tackle that book report for Topics.

days until MDT: 4
days until Valentine's Day: 14
days until graduation: 108

interesting days

When I said earlier that you might not see much of me until spring, I didn't realize how true that statement was when I made it.  This semester is really going to be a test of patience, hard work, and commitment among all other things.

I have seven classes at school and then another class at the Learning Center (which I normally just call TLC) that is online based. They're all pretty easy classes, course wise, but the homework gets piled up on top of each other is what gets me.

Earth Space (ES) is easy in the sense that the topics we cover in class really interest me.  I don't mind the homework that's assigned because it helps me understand the material and is normally quite easy.

English 3 (E3) is a true test of patience.  Being in a class with juniors really has me wanting to bang my head against my desk every day.  Not only is the maturity level slightly different (or in the case that is my class, a lot different) but the teacher is different than I remember. I can't wait until we finish this editorial paper and start working with The Great Gatsby. I'm more than excited for that to come my way.

Advisory (A) is a twenty five minute class we're required to sit through every day but Wednesday.  It's basically a study hall, and is in my mind quite redundant since I'm more tempted to talk to my friends than actually do homework.

U.S. History and Topics normally we just call it Topics (T) is basically just U.S. History from 1950's to current 2012.  It's not bad, we just do a lot of book assignments, which is starting to get extremely boring. We also just got assigned a book report, which I am entirely too excited to do.

English 4 (E4) not much has changed from last semester, I'm still not sure what I think.  This is by far my most challenging class.

Mathematical Thinking (M) I honestly don't know what the purpose of this class is.  The teacher rambles too much and the kids in the class are extremely annoying and immature. I would rather suffer through Algebra II than sit through this all semester.

American Studies (AS) basically this is just the other half of T, except it's another junior class that I have to make up because of my hip replacement last spring.  Not too terrible of a class, but it's pretty much the same as T.

Algebra II (A2) this is actually been easier and more enjoyable than M has been thus far.  It might be because I'm in a quiet room working by myself and self teaching from the text with help from the teacher.

This past week has showed me how hectic it's going to be this semester.  I was ill the week before for three days so I was still catching up on that and then keeping up with work from this week.  On top of that, we started rehearsals for the mystery dinner theatre on February 4th, so that's going on.  And then, I'm starting a gym routine this week.  It will only get busier too, with college stuff starting I may be taking more trips to Winfield.  I'll start to sort through graduation things. Not to mention when the spring show starts I'll have four rehearsals a week for three to four hours each night.

On top of all this, I'm squeezing in writing time.  I'm trying to write 750 words a day on 750words.com that is also going to be time spent writing on my Secret Book.

Goodness, I rambled, didn't I? That's what happens when I go to the gym, bike five miles in thirty minutes, then go to a youth group meeting for two hours to come home.  I'm extremely tired and I still have a small mountain of homework to accomplish tonight.  The feeling though isn't too bad.  I much rather be busy and overwhelmed than in a terrible amount of pain that I can't control, and be overwhelmed.  A year ago today, I couldn't have been doing everything I am today.

Here's to hoping I'll be seen somewhat soon! And lots of sleep too, if I can fit that in somewhere.

Link of the day: 750words.com It's been helping me pre-write a little bit here and there for my Secret Book. Definitely a good tool to have. I'm challenging myself to write every day in February on the site.

days until MDT: 13
days until Valentine's Day: 23
days until graduation: 117

Zen Moment of the Day: History

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I really love history.  Last semester the history class that seniors are required to take, civics, wasn't anything I'd like to do again.  In reality it wasn't the class itself, but how it was taught that me struggle through the semester.  This semester, I have to history classes, T (United States Topics, deals with U.S. history from the end of World War II to present day; this is the other required senior history class) and AS (American Studies, junior history course that I have to retake from missing it last year when I was out for surgery); both of them are fantastic, mostly because of having the same teacher that cares not only about his students but about helping them learn.

As I sat here and finished my assignment from Monday to turn in for T, I realized that when I'm working on my history assignments I'm completely relaxed.  I have no problem reading from a textbook and answering analytic questions about events that took place.  Maybe I have too much of having no problem doing it, I tend to have at least one page longer in all my assignments because I elaborate so much on everything.

There's something about being completely indulged in what I'm reading that I just naturally relax.  It's really nice, especially since I've been ill and have been stressing about getting caught up in my other classes, it's nice to be able to just lose myself in one or in this case two classes and enjoy myself.

Link of the day: Quote of the Day I love reading the QotD on GoodReads. Since I don't know if this will continue to link directly to this specific quote I'm going to type it out.

"After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or smell of a warm summer's breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer - perhaps more."

~ Jasper Fforde

days until 01/15/12: 4

days until Valentine's Day: 34

days until graduation: 128

BEDD 30: a year in review 2011

I've seen a few other bloggers do this already and decided I'd do it too. There really isn't much explanation needed on this one.

JANUARY: Rang in the new year with a group of close friends and had a blast considering all the stress I was going through with all the doctor's appointments I had been coming out of with no new information.  A few days later I celebrated my seventeenth birthday with my mom and dad before we headed to St. Louis the following week for one hell of an interesting doctor's appointment.  Later then in the month, I saw my surgeon and set the date for my hip replacement; I could finally rest a little easier.

FEBRUARY: I was pulled out of school and stuck on an online program two weeks before surgery and managed to do a fair amount of school work considering how anxious I was for the big day to get there.  February 14th, 2011 I had my hip replaced and of course had some chocolate too.  I was visited by a group of close friends that still to this day I am very appreciative to have in my life and thankful they came to see me that night of surgery when I really wasn't very coherent and probably quite cranky.  I saw a new found ambition in myself that I didn't see before, one that wanted to prove everyone wrong about what they had once thought

MARCH: Nothing too terribly important happened except the recovering from surgery.  I was still working hard on regaining strength and mobility.  I also managed to get strangely addicted to March Madness basketball and became slightly outraged when I couldn't watch my teams play.  Went to the Department of Kansas Wildlife and Parks headquarters in Pratt for the first time ever; got my first hunting and fishing duo license and got to go through the  "museum" with dad.  A visit to Pratt also means eating at Donald's  Diner.

APRIL: I was still working hard, and my continuous hard work was paying off.  Went to SC and did a full campus tour with my mom, up the stairs, around the hill, down the stairs, in every building, around every building, up the stairs, down the stairs and around the hill.  It was such a great feeling to be able to keep up with a 20 year old who was taking full strides.  The awesomeness didn't stop here.  The week after that, I did a two mile walk in Wichita with my youth leader, we didn't stop but once during the entire walk.  Through both of these milestone events, it was just absolutely astonishing that the only pain I had at the end of the day was my calf muscles, and that was only because I hadn't been doing so much activity in months.  I also began driving again after not being able to be behind the wheel since early December because of the medicines I was on.  Also in April, I found several new artists and YouTubers who helped me through rough times; including Ministry of Magic boys, ALL CAPS, Mike Lombardo, Chameleon Circuit boys, John and Hank Green and various others.  Didn't do much fishing. :(

MAY: My mom and I moved out and moved to town.  Adjusting to living in town was a bit rough at first, but I found it easier as time progressed. I enjoyed walking most places, like the two blocks to the library and back.  I went to my best friend's graduation, which really put things into perspective for me; I had a year before that would be me.  And then the heat began.  Once again, didn't do much fishing. :(

JUNE: Hot, hot, hot.  June was the start of the hottest summer I've ever experienced in my seventeen years of living in Kansas.  For me, someone who enjoyed being outside started to prefer to be indoors at all times.  MRC classes started up again, I offered my wisdom and help to the theatre classes.  I got to see all of my family at our annual family reunion that was just far away that we could still sleep in our own beds.  I got to finally bond with Uncle Gale, seeing as he's the only one in the family who has gone through a hip replacement.  The same weekend, I went "swimming" for the first time since surgery and had a blast.  Except for my first time ever on a water slide, and ended up with a minor neck injury.  Giving up going to Girls State for the reunion was a great idea, I don't regret that decision one bit, quality family time is big for me.  Too hot to even think about going fishing. :(

JULY: MRC classes continued onwards, and I volunteered on the days when I could manage to get out of bed on time.  Fourth of July I spent at the nursing home volunteering for most of the day and then into the night as I got to help shoot off fireworks and hand out ice cream to the residents.  The trip to western Kansas to see the Bortz side of the family at Uncle Leon's funeral reminded me at any moment you can lose a loved one, and that spending quality time with the ones you love means more than anything else.  This trip also made me fall in love with Kansas all over again.  The hot weather continues on and so does the lack of fishing trips. :(

AUGUST: The start of senior year finally started with a big bang.  Old Settlers was hotter than any other on record, but it was still good fun because of the NFL booth, even if it ended with cool whip and honey in my hair.  Participated in BEDA for the first time, totally worth it.

SEPTEMBER: Wildcat football was off to a great start with the bashing we gave Pratt.  The musical finally gets a slow start, and last minute I decided to audition for a part instead of being head of costumes and make-up.  Cast in chorus I was at first upset but began to realize that theatre was more than I ever imagined it could be.  I also realized that I could set my mind to anything and achieve it.  Took the ACT for the first time, and managed not to die from it.

OCTOBER:  I learned who my real friends were.  Ate lots of sweets and had even more fun with my theatre family.  Joint pain became frequent; at one point the family doctor thought I might have had rheumatoid arthritis.

NOVEMBER: Attempted NaNoWriMo for the second year.  Got farther than last year, which was what I was hoping for.  Had a few rough patches before show week with my arthritis.  Had a great Hell Week, even if I didn't sleep much or get hardly any school work done.  I bawled like a baby during my speech at senior cast bonding, amazed at how much the people around me loved and supported me.  Had a fantastic show run with the rest of the cast, even if closing night ended in a weird way that none of us can really comprehend.  All that can be left said is Mrs. Batman is there, we all know it even if no one else believes us.  Celebrated Thanksgiving with Bubby, Tammy, Natasha and Robert; a great holiday was exactly what I needed.

DECEMBER: More stressful than I would have ever imagined.  Finished the first semester of senior year with a rough note.  Realized that my future is up to me and that I can't let anyone hold me back.  Celebrated a nice quiet Christmas with mom and dad; enjoyed the family time and mom's good cooking.  Moved with mom back in with dad.

link of the day:  Made In America I don't know how many times I've listened to this song. It's probably in my top favorite 100 songs for sure.

days until Senior Year Part 2 begins: 5
days until I become an adult: 8
days until graduation: 140

BEDD 28: how music has changed things

For my last final exam for my music history class, we had to write a two page paper over how music has changed our lives.  Everyone was complaining because our teacher made it a whole TWO pages when we had almost two hours to complete it.  The page limit didn't phase me one bit after my senior English exam that morning. It really got me thinking, so long in fact that I didn't start writing until thirty minutes into the final.  I was in such a rush to write the two page minimum that I didn't get to proof my writing let alone make it a nice read.  I honestly wish I could have somehow gotten back my paper just so that I could transform it into something worthwhile a read.

I decided to just rewrite it and hope I remember what I wrote.

In 2010 I went through a lot of things that I don't ever wish to repeat and that I still have a tough time talking about even to my closet friends.  The beginning of 2011 wasn't that great either.  I learned though towards the end of February that music was one of my best friends.  Perhaps it was my new found interest in YouTube that helped me discover amazing musicians who now I can now say that their music helped me through the lowest of times in 2011, but I found that music was a way to express the emotions I was feeling and the thoughts I was thinking.

Music has allowed me to find comfort in in times of need to the point where I can always turn towards that one perfect song that can always make me feel better.  I  sometimes wonder if I have been relying too much on music, maybe I am but it helps.

Link of the day: Plants vs. Zombies Such an addicting game to play! I got so into it the other night that I was yelling at my laptop trying to get the zombies to go away.

days until Senior Year Part 2 begins: 7
days until I become an adult: 10
days until graduation: 142

BEDD 19: where are the layers?

I would have never thought, a year ago, that I'd be making this type of blog post. It just blows my mind away in a way, mainly because it means that I'm growing up and stuff and things like that.

My senior English class (labeled English IV at our school) is pretty intense, by far my most difficult subject we're throwing maths out of the equation for now.  It's taken a lot of work to keep up, and even now with how much I've missed this term, I'm still behind; but dear God, I never would have thought that I would have learned so much about literature in general.  My teacher, Mrs. Perkins; SHE'S AWESOME.

Every time I read a book I can't help but think about things like motif, theme, symbolism and a bunch of other things that I've been working with for the last several months.  It just goes to show that those things have been pounded into my brain left to stay for forever, or at least until May 19th, 2012.  No I haven't been taking notes on the books I've been reading outside of class, but when I think about a book after I've finished it, all of it just appears in my brain.

The last couple of books that I've read, The Mermaid's Mirror by L.K. Madigan and Where I Want To Be by Adele Griffin haven't been up to par with my reading standards that I suddenly complied over the last few months.  On the surface these two books are good in their own individual and unique ways, but when I look deeper for a layer or two into what the book was supposed to say, I came up pretty empty handed and a bit confused in the end.

I wonder if I'm just overlooking books too much, or if I'm just a crazy loon who reads a lot of books for fun and analyzes them for funsies.  But then again, what if I was a lit major? Is that what lit majors do? Study books and analyze them?

I brought this up to my mom, how I wasn't finding many books that really interested me (also that I really don't care for series).  She told me quite bluntly that I needed to make the jump into adult novels and read some of her favorite authors that I've often questioned her about.  Which makes complete sense, since I often find that YA books are too simple for my reading tastes and don't have enough layers to them.  I've started a couple of David Baldacci books in the past year, but never finished them, but I enjoyed them immensely because of the level of reading the material was.

I don't know what I'm trying to say; but it just goes to show that even after all these years, I still love to read.

Link of the day: Best Fishing Bloopers I found this last week when I was surfing StumbleUpon when I was ill with the flu. My dad was here at the apartment and we watched it together and laughed so hard we were crying. Definitely a bonding moment since we both love fishing. I'm sure though, even if you don't care for fishing you'd find this at least a small bit entertaining.

days until winter break: > 1
days until Christmas: 5
days until I become an adult: 19
days until graduation: 151

unicorn random

Preface: I'm in a really good mood right now but also short on time, so this will probably contribute to lack of cohesiveness.  Also, I have a weird obsession lately with unicorns. I blame Krista Horner.

PART 1

Considering how much school I've missed in the last two and a half weeks mostly due to a really bad sinus infection and basically every single joint in my body hurting to the point where I'm limited in moving, today was a REALLY productive and good day at school. I managed to get everything organized finally, which I've been needing to do for a super long time but things kept being pushed my way.  I'm hoping that within the next week, if it productivity stays like it was for today, that I'll be mostly caught up.

PART 2

I finally got enough nerve to shred the paper application up and apply online to SC.  So that's a thing.  Now all I have to do is write my essay, which you'd think would be pretty easy for me considering how I enjoy writing and blogging. BUT IT'S SO MUCH HARDER THAN THAT.  I have absolutely no idea how to write about myself technically.  Although, it's mostly just coming up with interesting transitions to transition from my points, because let's be honest, when they ask for some back ground information about you plus your goals in life AND how the school can help you achieve them, it's a bit difficult to come up with transitions that are just run of the mill. I guess I'm just making this too difficult on myself. I just really really want my essay to stand out.

PART 3

I'm pretty much recovered from taking the ACT on Saturday.  It didn't feel like it took four hours, but I guess that's all because I was so focused on it.  To be honest, I'm sure my scores are pretty horrid looking. Except for the grammar, it's basically like proofing a paper, and that was really easy. Especially since it was multiple choice, I like multiple choice questioned tests.

So once we get the feedback from ACT it'll be sent down to SC and, allowing that I've already sent my essay, the admissions office will look at my application.

PART 4

I once, a very long time ago, thought of majoring in English.

NEVER.

PART 5

I currently hold in my position my good friend's keyboard piano.  And of course, considering piano is something I'd like to learn, have been taking advantage of having it in my posession.  I'm so committed to learning that I managed to talk my mom into getting an adult beginner piano book from Amazon.  Also, my best friend Jessie, she gave me some sight reading books to practice with since I was never good at sight reading to begin with.

PART 6

Remember when I said I was going to give blood a while back? Yeah, I survived, obviously.  And today I finally got a letter from the American Red Cross.  It was basically a letter thanking me for donating and the statistics of young adults and children who need blood, and how most first time donors never donate again.  I mean, that was cool and all, but I got a special card with my name and blood type on it for future donations. I think that's the moral of this story. Is that I have yet another special card to carry around with me.

PART 7

I'm. so. excited. for. NaNoWriMo. to. start. already.

PART 8

The show is going...good.  We're behind since we started a couple weeks later than we normally do with musicals.  But I've got my costumes lined out and things.  Now I just remember the dancing, music and when to go on stage.  Oh, I still need to learn how to BE A MAN. It'll probably come more natural once we start doing runs in costume.

Today was awesome because: it's been super productive.

current location: on the floor in my bedroom

days until NaNoWriMo begins: 7

days until the fall musical: 24

days until I become an adult: 75

days until graduation: 208

september update

It seems like a lot of stuff has happened since BEDA ended, and it seems like it's been forever since I really blogged.  As the title would say, this is a bit of an update of all the odds and ends that have happened since BEDA ended, initially just a rundown of everything that has happened in September thus far and what is happening the last week of the month that I may not get around to sharing for a while.

Side note, these probably aren't in order either, though like anyone would know except the ones who I go to school with.

PART 1

Unfortunately, I fell behind in Doctor Who. *cries* I'm like three weeks behind, which really sucks, because I found a lot of secret Whovians at my school who really want to discuss it with me, but I turn and walk away from them because I don't want any more of the plot spoiled than it already has from the interwebs...  And as much as I'd like to say I'd be caught up in the next week or so, that won't happen, because of what else I'm about to say.

PART 2

We finally know what musical we're putting on; Guys and Dolls. So that's a thing now.  Also, I'm no longer doing costumes, and I'll explain this within the week because it's too lengthy of a explanation to put in this post because you'll all get bored and hate me forever, so I'll just post it separately so you can skip the nonsense if wanted.

Since I'm still talking about GaD, I'll mention that Tuesday I auditioned, and then got a call back on Friday.  And then, late Friday night the casting list was posted.  I got cast in chorus....again.  My feelings on this are a bit weird, but I'm excited to be back performing and just being with a show in general.  It's not like I'm going to quit because of it, that's just redonkulous to even think.

Also, rehearsals are four times a week for three hours a night, so blogging time has been cut even shorter as is my free time for nearly everything else.  So if you see me missing on the interwebs, don't worry, I'm still alive, just sleeping, eating, rehearsing, homework and school.

PART 3

Beowulf.

PART 4

I've been working on my college admission application this week, and at first when I started it I was freaking out because I couldn't believe the time had finally come that I was filling out important papers that would affect the rest of my life.  Now, it's like a normal activity around here.  I've got probably five different lists on different things that all tie back into next year.

Also, we've (meaning my mom and I) have been figuring out graduation details since the company that the school goes through came on Thursday and are demanding a down payment of at least $60 by Tuesday for cap and gown and a whole bunch of other crap.  So that's a thing.

PART 5

Currently, our boys are 4-0 for the football season.  Which is really fantastic, because we've got a great team of boys playing this year.  This week is homecoming week, so that's a thing that you'll probably hear about sooner or later. Though, at this rate, probably later if at all.

PART 6

I went to get my back and neck adjusted today at my family doctor's office; and he's really into the intern/med student training stuff, so he nearly always has a med student around his office.  Well, I got stuck with another one today, and normally I hate getting stuck with them because with me, most of the time I have to go through my back story of medical problems, mainly those that are about my hip and ears. But I remembered today that med students have to start some where. And he was a third year, so it's not like he knew nothing at all.  Also, I remembered my friend Taylor who is studying bio at the University of Kansas.

He, the med student, I don't remember his name, was actually quite better than I expected.  He even poked fun at the fact that he's the stereotypical short Asian man when he had to go get a step stool from the other room so he could get more height when he popped my upper back.


days until ACT: 25
days until the fall musical: 49
days until I become an adult: 103
days until graduation: 234

BEDA 31: blog 'o' random stuff

Since today is the last day of BEDA, and I actually have several things to talk about; this post is coming in several parts. So get ready for some weird random moments where things might not make sense.

PART 1

This month has really stood out among the last three or four, for the good and for the bad. But either way, I wouldn't change anything, and I sure as hell don't regret a thing.

One of the things that I got out of this month, was I finally realized how much my family supports me.  Especially my mom.  Since we moved out on our own, we've had our fair share of spats, mostly over little things; mainly about whether or not I raised my voice at her, which I honestly try not to do, but sometimes it does happen.  This month however though we've still had several spats about little, almost not important things, my mom has really stood beside me and helped me with making decisions.  Sure she's riding my ass about a few things, reminding me about them every. single. day., but I know she's doing it out of love for me and wants to see me succeed.

PART 2

Along with PART 1, another thing that's happened this month, is obviously my blogging abilities.  I'm really happy that I decided to take part in BEDA, not only did it give me something to look forward to and something I basically made apart of my daily schedule it helped me a lot personally.  For example, I prefer to write my emotions out versus talk them out.  This is why I tend to e-mail frequently; I do this because my brain and my mouth don't usually connect completely and what I want to say never comes out like my brain planned it.  That aside, the main reason why I'm so happy I did BEDA, and stuck with it, was to document memories. I mean, as a favorite quote of mine reads: "Because memories fall apart, too. And then you're left with nothing, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow." (from Looking for Alaska by John Green)  I want something to look back on and remember the good times I had.

PART 3

This is why I've decided I will continue to post regularly, along with the fact that I really have come to learn that I enjoy blogging immensely.  I kind of have an idea on when I want to post, but I'm not entirely sure. It'll just have to depend on how things go. I'm sure though, that I'll post frequently during the weeks if interesting stuff happens.

PART 4

I had initially thought about making this the actual post for today until I realized while eating dinner that I had a lot of things to cover in today's post. But I had a complete nostalgic moment today during my civics.  I was mainly thinking about how I've changed through the years, especially in theatre.  Which reminded me about our long conversation between Levi, Mr. Mitchell and I about freshman year during Dracula when we ended up playing some of the creepy music we used and looking at a bunch of photos.  And then I just got to thinking in general about the random things I did with my friends over the years.  At one point, I thought I was going to cry because I realized exactly how much I'm going to miss Mulvane when I graduate.  I know though that my time has come/is coming to leave it all behind and start a new book in my series of my life; but that school holds so many good memories.

PART 5

Part five really isn't even important, mainly because I thought leaving it off at PART 4 would be weird, because I have this thing, that if it's below the number of five, it's not important. That was a weird explanation I know, but now this blog post is important, because there's 5 parts to it, not just 4.

Oh, I guess I could add in this random fact, but I haven't listened to Still Got Legs in nearly three days....it's weird....

Today was awesome because: I survived BEDA.

days until the fall musical: 46
days until I become an adult: 128
days until graduation: 262
steps taken today: 2,190+

BEDA 26: a good end to a crap week

This week has been extremely bad for me, and I was on the verge of another meltdown this afternoon.  But after going to dinner with my parents, and then to the green and white (our school colors) scrimmage with two of my close friends, it made things a lot better.  Plus, I guess the Welcome Back to School Dance was alright, I mean, it was the best one they've had, it only took FOUR years to get it.  But regardless, tonight, I was able to just be myself and not worry about things.

I also made a big decision today that involved something I love to do very dearly. But I'll elaborate on that later, I dont' want to kill the good mood I'm in talking about that; plus, I'm dog tired and ready to go to bed.

So, I guess that's pretty much it I think.  Oh, dad and I are planning on going to the movies tomorrow after noon to see Planet of the Apes, we've both really wanted to see it since the trailers started coming out. Maybe I'll review it tomorrow...

Until tomorrow. (:

Today was awesome because: I made a new friend, Jennifer, she's a freshman, and she actually surprised me by coming up to me and started a conversation. All the freshman this year are scared to death of the seniors, and though that's how I think it should be (bahaha), I was happy she put forth the effort to talk to me. She sounds like a pretty cool girl.

days until the fall musical: 51
days until I become an adult: 133
days until graduation: 267
steps taken today: 14,642+

BEDA 23: random words and thoughts and stuff

I have a presentation to give tomorrow in my business class, it's just the run of the mill beginning of semester stuff, where it all relates to the person giving the presentation.  We have all these requirements for the power point, and one of the slides I labeled was "important dates".  I had thought long and hard about including this slide in my presentation because I obviously put February 14th down for when I had my hip replaced.  I don't mind getting up and presenting something to a group of people, I mean, I debate and perform, so that's not what I'm worried about.  Actually I don't know why I feel like I'm worried; but I debated with myself whether or not to include the slide because explaining my hip requires a lot of talk, and I don't want to bore people; but at the same time, I feel like I need to share this piece of information because it IS  apart of me and who I am.

In other news, I've been playing Still Got Legs so often, especially in my car, that Marcella has had Kiss the Girl stuck in her head for a couple of days now. I feel rather accomplished, considering that there were a couple of other songs, like Snape vs Snape by Ministry of Magic and Mrs. Nerimon by ALL CAPS that I got stuck in her head over the summer.  She told me this morning on the drive to school that I'm slowly converting her to become a non-main stream music listener. I laughed. I mean, I only listen to main stream music when we're hanging out.

I'm still feeling pretty confident about keeping up with my homework.  It's amazing how good it feels to actually be doing legitimate homework again.  I wish I could have had this feeling the last three years so my grades wouldn't have ended up so crappy.

I've come up with a couple of blogging projects for the next couple of months, so I can slowly ease out of blogging every day, but yet at the same time, still blog. I fear that once BEDA is over that I'll just stop blogging for a long period of time and forget about it, and I'm determined not to let that happen.  I'll share what I have in store for next month when we get closer to the start of September.

In civics today, I managed to take a nap during the lecture/video and still take over detailed notes. +45 points

Oh, we had our school photos today.  Was a pain in the butt, but that was because I refused to dress up nice for the entire day, so I had to do a lot of extra walking so I could go change to be presentable and then go back to change back into my sweats. I think that the photos ended up well though, we should be getting the proofs sometime later this fall.

And, of course, if you saw my tweets from earlier this evening when I was working on homework, you would see one about note taking...my earth space science teacher wants notes taken in a certain way, which is really a pain to do when you've got your own specific way you take notes, especially if it's a lot more efficient. So, not happy about that, but I completed the reading and notes; I had no other choice.

Meh, random, out of place blog, completed. Like it's titled, it's just random words and thoughts and stuff.

Today was awesome because: My best friend is back state side after his long trip to Africa. I can't wait to see him when he finally gets into town.

days until the fall musical: 54
days until I become an adult: 136
days until graduation: 270
steps taken today: unknown, because the pants I wore today the pedometer doesn't stay on the waist band, so I put in my pockets, and it only counted 162 steps. ):

BEDA 22: background noise, but not really

I've noticed recently, that I work and generally tend to focus better if I have a background noise or something else to work on. For example, during the lecture today in my civics class, I retained more from the latter half of the lecture when I started doodling on my paper. I don't know why this is, but it just is.  I was watching Doctor Who not too long ago as I was finishing up my civics assignment.

Whether it's having my headphones on and playing music softly so that I can still hear it, but it's not my main focus, or if I just have something running on my laptop like a Youtube video or something streaming for Netflix, it always seems to help me get my work done, and I generally can retain more it seems.

In other news, it rained today, like when I got up this morning. It was nice, especially considering this is twice this month that when it rained my joints hadn't hurt before hand. Which is also kind of weird, because I like knowing when it's going to rain.  Also, a plus, I managed to incorporate Doctor Who into my English assignment over heroes today, I felt pretty freaking awesome.

Today was awesome because: I finally received my hard copy of Still Got Legs in the mail from DFTBA Records. I've listened to it several times in my stereo in my room, it just sounds so much better in the big speakers than my crappy laptop ones.

days until the fall musical: 55
days until I become an adult: 137
days until graduation: 271
steps taken today: 2,488+

BEDA 16: random stuff

Honestly, I'm surprised I'm still awake and able to blog tonight. Though I got off a bit easier, seeing as I just answered a bunch of questions tonight. But regardless, they made me think and after the English homework I had to do when I got home from school, it was a tough task.  Today went pretty well, besides the fact that the office ladies gave me the wrong locker combination so I couldn't get in my locker at all today.  But it was alright, I found our head custodian, John, and we figured it all out. He was really super nice about it though I know he was probably at his wit's end with all the students he had to put up with today asking him to fix their lockers.  Even the homework wasn't too terribly bad, it just made me think a lot, though I think I made it more difficult than it was supposed to be, something I'm pretty good at doing it seems.

Anyway, I did the 15 Weird Questions Tag that Luke and Ingrid did yesterday for their VALA and Volgust videos. I decided it seemed like something interesting enough to do, so yeah. I kind of got lazy towards the end and didn't write much. Forgive me? It was a long day.

#1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?

Baby Red, or just red.  On my dad’s mother’s side of the family, a lot of the cousins all have red hair.  And we’ve all got a special nickname within the family that ends in Red.

#2. What's a weird habit of yours?

I almost always have to fall asleep on my right side. I don’t know why I do this, but ever since I had my first hip surgery, I’ve always fallen asleep on my right side.  It was a pain in the butt after my hip replacement when I couldn’t lie on my side.

#3. Do you have any weird phobias?

I fear being in water that I can’t touch the bottom of with my feet and still have my head above water. I explained some of this in an earlier post when I talked about how I think once I learn to swim that phobia/fear will go away.

#4. What's a song you secretly love to blast & belt out when you're alone?

I don’t secretly blast any song in particular, I always have music on, but I think if I had to choose it’d be Snape vs. Snape by Ministry of Magic or I’ve Got Nothing by Chartjackers

#5. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?

When people don’t use their turn signals when driving.  There’s a reason why cars have them.

#6. What's one of your nervous habits?

I just now realized this one, because I never really could think of anything I did when I’m nervous, but I chew on the inside of my bottom lip or the inside of my cheeks.

#7. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I sleep in a twin, so I take up the entire thing. And when I used to sleep in my full bed I sprawled out across it.

#8. What was your first stuffed animal & it's name?

I don’t remember my first stuffed animal, mostly because they were from my early childhood. But the one I remember and still have to this day is a Ty Beanie Baby bear that’s multi-colored.  Her name is Mellow, and she’s been through every single surgery I’ve had done on my hip.

#9. What's the drink you always order at starbucks?

Cold coffee. In general, cold coffee. That’s the only way I’ll drink coffee.

#10. What's the beauty rule you preach, but never actually practice?

I always tell my friends who ask me how I keep my face from breaking out to wash their face twice a day, once in the morning and then again at night before bed…but I usually don’t wash my face twice a day.  Though, recently I have been getting better at it.

#11. Which way do you face in the shower?

I think I usually tend to face away from the shower heard, so the water is on my back.  Never really thought about it before now.

#12. Do you have any weird body 'skills?

None that I can think of…

#13. What's your favorite comfort food thats 'bad' but you love to eat it anyways?

I eat a lot of random food, but I don’t really have a comfort food.  Though I guess I should probably admit that if my mom bakes anything, I definitely have a feast. She makes the best cakes.

#14. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say?

I don’t think I have a phrase I say often, I say a lot of completely random nonsense all the time.  But my most recent one seems to be NO, 42, LEFT in response to almost anything. Just don’t ask why.

#15. Time to sleep!! What are you actually wearing?

T-shirt and an old pair of shorts. If it’s really cold I’ll wear a hoodie.

So yeah, nothing to extravagant or anything.  I tag all of you, to do this at some point, or not. Link us in the comments if you do decide to do it.

Today was awesome because:  For the first full day back at school since January, I have absolutely no pain whatsoever in my joints, and you have no idea how happy that makes me, I'm so emotional over it. Also, there's a sophomore in my Earth Space Science class that's a Whovian, and from the sounds of it, she's a pretty big fan, so I've got a feeling we'll be getting along quite well in that class.

days until senior year starts: 0 *dances* the first day was pretty freaking awesome

days until the fall musical: 61

days until I bcome an adult: 143

days until graduation: 276

steps taken today: 7867+

BEDA 15: head desk moments

Do you ever just get those moments where you want to head desk, or face palm? Gah, today has been a day completely full of those moments.  When I got home this morning from Marcella's I came into my room and threw my bag on my bed and looked at the massive basket of laundry I still have to put up from Saturday's laundry trip. "I'll do it tomorrow morning." I thought, I had other more pressing matters to attend to today than putting up laundry. And then I remembered that tomorrow morning I'd be freaking out about the fact that school was starting. *head desk*

About an hour and a half ago, my dad came in for lunch, and I asked him if I could come out this afternoon and clean my car out so I could use the shop vac to clean my floor boards.  He said it was alright, but asked if I could come out tomorrow morning instead.  I agreed, it'd be cooler in the morning...and then my mom stepped in, reminding both of us that school starts tomorrow. *head desk*

There's been a few other moments where I've just completely forgotten about what tomorrow is and keep trying to move plans to tomorrow, but it just doesn't work that way anymore. *sigh* I guess my procrastinating needs to stop ASAP.  But alas, as much as it sounds like I'm completely dreading tomorrow, and though I kind of am in a way, I'm not completely fighting it. It's just one of those head desking days today.

This is totally off topic and everything, but I want to congratulate Kathy on getting 50 followers yesterday (or whenever it actually happened).  I definitely recommend heading over if you have the time to her blog which can be found here and poke around for a bit.  I always enjoy reading her blog posts, and who knows, maybe you will too.

Today is awesome because: I finally ordered Chameleon Circuit's newest album, Still Got Legs through DFTBA Records.

days until senior year starts: 1
days until I become an adult: 144
days until graduation: 277
steps taken today: 1202+

BEDA 14: muscles I swore I never had

So today, my sister (Marcella) and I went to the local gym to play some volleyball since they just put the nets up for the season that is now approaching.  It was basically empty when we got there, which I wasn't at all surprised considering it was after all a Sunday afternoon and was fairly nice out...and by fairly nice out I mean, it was 90 degrees out and considering the fact that it's usually been in the 125 degree range for most of the summer, 90 degrees was pretty nice.

Anyway, we were the only ones on the court, which was nice, considering I haven't played volleyball since seventh grade, which seems like it's twice as long ago as it actually is and I wasn't for sure if I wanted to emberass myself or not in front of people that I probably didn't know.  Ther ewas a family that eventually came and was helping their daughter who was going into eighth grade practice for her volleyball tryout this week.

Marcella and I probably spent an hour and a half or so at the gym, basically playing volleyball back and forth.  I was slightly worried that I wasn't going to feel up to playing once I got there because of my muscles being so UNUSED, but once we started and I got warmed up a bit, it felt like old times, but 155% better because I had an awesome hip and not a crappy one.

About half way through our game (if you could call it that) my hip muscles were starting to hurt.  Which I knew was going to happen considering the fact that I haven't used those muscles in several years and then there I am, just playing my heart out.  I can tell that in the morning I'm going to be extremely sore. But I don't regret a thing...and I think we're going back tomorrow and playing for most of the day, considering it IS the last day of summer before school starts back.

Today was awesome because: I finally got the rest of my school stuff I needed, like lunch tupperware to put my food in and stuff. And because I got to spend the afternoon playing volleyball with Marcella.

days until senior year starts: 2
days until I become an adult: 145
days until graduation: 278
steps taken today: 8552+

BEDA 4: eleven days to go

There's eleven days left until school starts, and it's really starting to sink in.  Between going to enroll today at school and actually getting my time table that looks okay for the most part and organizing my school supplies in accordance to said time table, it has definitely started to hit me that school is starting again.  Whether or not I fully comprehend that it's senior year, I'm not for sure. I'm sure I'll still forget that I'm a senior through most of the school year, I mean, I still feel like a freshman half the time though I have absolutely no idea...

At the beginning of every school year I get crazy organized. Everything has it's place and it's use and that's that.  Two weeks into school it eventually goes from "neatly organized" to "messy, chaotic organized" which usually involves my locker and school bag to be a total mess. I'm hoping this year though I'll actually keep to an organizational system since I'm taking several classes that I can't afford to muck up in or I just won't graduate, and that's something I want to avoid doing at all costs.

I decided this morning what to do about my big girl decision regarding my history and forensics classes.  I decided that since I can work on and still be apart of the forensics team from outside of the class I decided to give it up for my history course.  I did this mostly because I know I won't be able to keep up with a full school day and have that extra class to worry about.

Eleven days till school starts also means that I need to figure out if my alarms will actually work well enough to get me up on time or not.  I've been having a hard time getting my normal alarm clock to work and on top of that, my phone alarm won't work when I need it. It's been really frustrating me since I've been attempting to get up at six every morning like I'll have to do when school starts.

I feel like there's several more things to do before these eleven days are up, but there really isn't.  All I really need to do is get some stuff sorted out for the fall musical so I won't have to worry about it once school starts, but that's a whole other story considering the flash drive I swore it was located on is no where to be found after I went every single folder on that damn thing.  I worked really hard on that thing, and I'll be completely honest in saying that if I don't find it, I'm not going to bother. Although, eventually I will redo the entire thing just for the purpose of I always have to be organized when it comes to costume and make-up designing...


Well, there you go, another random blog post that was basically just me babbling on about school.

BEDA 3: big girl decisions

Tomorrow I get to meet my mom at school to enroll for my senior year of high school.  And let me tell you I'm extremely excited, I've been waiting to be a senior for nearly four years now and it's finally MY time.  I'm ready to get to finally start making decisions that will ultimately end up affecting my future because up until now it has always seemed that there's that one thing or someone who is holding me back from really going for what my heart and gut are telling me to do.

My mom just came home on her lunch break and before she left she came into my room and sat on my bed.  She told me that one of the school counselors, the one that I worked a lot with last year when we were trying to figure out my schooling situation when I had my hip replaced second semester; she said she had an enjoyable conversation with her.

When I found out that this school counselor had called my mom this morning, I was surprised, because I thought she would have been really busy with day one of enrollment being today.  I knew though once my mom told me she had called that this couldn't be good.

Mom started with telling me that she was just making sure that I would be back at the school for sure this year, yadayadayada.  She had asked my mom if I was ready to go back to school, yadayadayada.  Then she told my mom that I had to either finish my history class online that I didn't finish from last semester, before Thanksgiving (our fall holiday basically) or I had to give up forensics second semester so I could take both the English III class I need and American Studies.

WHAT?!

And of course, my mom is leaving it completely up to me to decide, she didn't even give me her opinion when I asked, she just told me it's my choice.  I mean, one side, I prefer to take the American Studies class at the school then finish it online, just for the fact that it's better in basically ALL aspects and I prefer to learn, especially when it comes to history, by lectures, not reading a never ending assignment that doesn't even go chronologically on the computer.  Then there's the fact that I've been really involved with our NFL (National Forensics League) chapter and I'm really excited for the forensics season this year because last year I didn't get to compete because I had my hip replaced.  And though I'm sure my coach will allow me to participate from outside of class, it just makes things easier if I were in the class.  But obviously, I have to chose one or the other.

As for right now, I don't know what I want to do. I think I might need to sleep on it tonight and see how I feel about it tomorrow, because honestly, there's pros and cons to both sides of this.  I'm sure though, whatever I do decide to do that I'll be fine with it, because honestly, I just want to get through senior year and graduate. That's my goal.  And I know it'll all work itself out eventually.

BEDA 1: august already?

It's nearing 11 in the evening as I'm writing this, and if it hadn't been for the thought of checking my YouTube subscriptions to see what was new since I was out all evening, I wouldn't have seen a VEDA video which in turn wouldn't have reminded me that it is in fact the first of August which means it's BEDA time.

Honestly, I'm still trying to grasp that fact that it's already AUGUST. It seems like it should be the start of June, not August.  I mean, I go to enroll for senior year of high school on Thursday and I start school in like two weeks.  It's completely nuts for me to understand right now though I don't understand why.

I'm actually really really REALLY looking forward to school this year.  Partially because it's senior year and I'm ready for the next steps in my life, even if it means that I'm officially becoming an adult and having to make big important decisions on my own, I'm ready for it; and I'm ready for school in general.  I actually really enjoy going to school, I love to learn new things, I think that's why I do so well in school (if only I did my homework more often) because I enjoy learning and I don't try to fight the process like other kids might.

Out of all the things this next school year offer, I'm especially excited about the upcoming debate season.  Mainly because in debate I'm always learning something new whether it's from a new evidence card that I find, or if it's from hearing other people's arguments, I seem to also be absorbing things; though unfortunately sometimes I don't remember half the things because there's so much to it.  Debate holds a really special place in my heart, and it's not just because I get to argue without getting in trouble, it's because with debate you really have to work at it.  It's not something that comes naturally to everyone when they first try it.  There's a lot of things that make up debate that you've got to understand before you can even debate, and you usually don't understand any of it until you're stuck in the middle of a debate round and you've got to use it.  Then it all makes sense and it all clicks.  Debate really makes your brain work, and I really think it teaches you a lot of skills that you have to teach yourself.

Anyway, after all that talk about me not understanding how it's August already, talk about school and of debate, I just want to give you a small run down about BEDA. If you don't know what BEDA is it stands for Blog Every Day August (or April, but in this case it's August).  Basically, it's exactly what it sounds like, you blog every day of the month.  I'm not going to try and be one of those people who plans out their blog posts for BEDA because I KNOW without a doubt that once school starts I won't stick to it.  So you're probably going to end up reading a lot of random things throughout this month, and I hope you stick along for the ride.

the story of my nerdiness

Hello internet! Long time no blog, eh? Sorry 'bout that. I've been in one of those funks again, or maybe it's just the fact that it's summer now and I can do whatever I want...regardless, I feel guilty for not blogging as often as I know I should be.  But today we're going to be discussing the history of my nerdiness, this mostly pertains to the Harry Potter series. You have been warned.

I have always loved reading, I just always have.  I remember when I really started reading though, more than just the occasional book outside of class.  It was fifth grade when I really got into the Harry Potter series.  I kept a stack of books on the corner of my desk in home room.  The stack always had a Harry Potter book in it some where, I remember it took me a long time to read them, but I loved them regardless; and then there would be three or four other books stacked as well.  I remember I got a Star Student certificate for being, and I quote, "A lean mean reading machine."

Out of all my friends, I would venture to say that I am probably the nerdiest out of all of them.  Don't get me wrong, I think EVERYONE is nerdy about something or another, but I'm really the only one that doesn't care if my nerdiness shows.

In middle school, I went through a hard core Harry Potter craze, it got to the point where my best friend just nodded her head and listened to me talk and talk for hours. There were several occasions when in English we'd have to write certain things, and nearly all of them can be traced back to my Harry Potter crazed stage.  Even now, as a senior in high school, I still have a very deep love for Harry Potter.

I've had a rough child hood, and I could always remember having the Harry Potter books to read and to help me escape whatever it was that was going on.  I felt like I was in a new place and I could be anyone who I wanted to be.  It was a nice feeling to just to let go and let my imagination roam.  I think, had I not discovered the Harry Potter series, that I wouldn't be the person I am today; I'm a friendly and open minded person.  There aren't enough words to express how much J.K. Rowling's writing means to me, she developed something so magnificent that I think even the fans don't even know how much it really affects us all.

On to other nerdy stuff, I absolutely love to write, although writing is one of my weaker points when it comes to keeping up with it.  I tend to start a project and get side tracked, never end up coming back to it.

I have however, have become obsessed with Doctor Who over the last couple of months, and though I just recently started Season 3, I freaking love it.  My goal is to get caught up with the series by the time school starts.  And since I'm talking television shows, I've also become addicted to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I plan that I'll have Buffy finished by school starts as well.

What's your nerd history?