It's Sinking In

Currently I'm speechless.  When I admit that I'm speechless, I really am speechless.  Why am I so speechless you might ask, well it's all sinking in.

In November I was shocked when I opened our mailbox to find a large envelope from SC's Green Team.  Jason, the GT sponsor, was offering me a scholarship.  That day, my parents and I were so tickled with that envelope we couldn't stop talking about it.

Since then the talk has died down a little bit. But everyone once in a while when we run into someone that we haven't seen in a few months, my mom is the first to share the news and smile like a grinning fool.  She is also the one that talks most about SC and how excited we are about the school.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally got everything the admissions committee needed, including a few extra letters explaining why I'm one semester short on my transcript and why my grades aren't the best of things in this world.  I've been milling around since then, just waiting and waiting.  I tried my hardest not to think about it, but my anxiety over things reflecting a lot on my near future kind of got in the way.

I was wondering what I would do if SC didn't accept me.  I hadn't planned on anything other than SC since fall of 2010 when I first met with Rodney, one of the SC representatives who has been ever so helpful over the last couple of years.  I was getting pretty worked up over this too.  I had started looking into some community colleges and started filling out a couple of applications.  I was just worried that one of my fears was going to come true and that I would be stuck there suspended in mid air only to fall flat on my face and not be able to have a second option to turn to.

I hadn't sent any of my other applications out yet though, and what do you know, the stars aligned and God did what He does and I got a pretty e-mail in my inbox yesterday from Rodney.

What I'm getting at ladies and gentlemen is this: I'm officially a Southwestern College Moundbuilder!

I should clarify, I actually read my acceptance e-mail via Facebook. I don't know if that's a thing that SC does, or if Rodney does it, or if he did it because he's gotten to know me over the last few months and decided to let me know once he found out or not.  Regardless, when I first read: "Congratulations on your acceptance to Southwestern College!" I felt mixed emotions. I felt a jolt of excitement, a rush of adrenaline and a little shock.  It happened so fast that I actually started crying on the spot.

I of course, yelled too. After managing to calm the dogs down I called my mom, though I was still crying.  She was confused at first because I had stayed home yesterday and went to the doctor because of a horrible ear ache.  Later she told me that she thought something bad had happened at the doctor's office.  I told her the news though, over the phone, even though I'm not supposed to call her at work, I just couldn't contain the excitement and I had to share it with her; she had worked so hard with me to get here, I couldn't wait until she got home.

Rodney had told me to watch in the mail for a purple envelope in the mail with the official letter and the typical "you've been accepted" type things.  I was expecting Tuesday to see my purple evelope in the rusted out and bullet hole covered mailbox.  Low and behold, today when we got home from the Sport Boat and Travel Show, mom checked the mailbox and found a PURPLE envelope. We both screamed in excitement.

We didn't realize that
A) It was a big envelope
or
B) it was going to be that purple.

Of course, we all rushed inside so I could open it. It was probably a good thing I waited to open it in the house because it was packed with lots of SC goodies.

More sticky notes, another pen with sticky notes inside,
a jinx bracelet, a key holder, and another lanyard (the third
one to be exact).

Now, as I'm sitting here with a pounding headache and my ears aching so badly I want to scratch the entire ear canal out of my body, I realize that this is really happening.  I'm growing up.  Before I know it graduation will be here and then gone.  New Orleans trip will have passed and I'll be starting a brand new chapter in a massive series of books called My Life as I begin college.  As much as I want to say "This can't be true, pinch me and I'll wake up", I know it isn't.

I just now realized how much enthusiasm
I'm lacking from being ill.
But it's true, I'm accepted!

The last few months I think my parents have slowly started realizing these things too.  That in a few short months they'll be following me down to Winfield and helping me move into my first living space outside of their house and then leaving me behind when they go home.  My dad though, I kind of worry what he'll be like when that time comes. I know that both of my parents are going to try to be the big macho parents on campus and try sucking it up and not crying in front of me, but I know they will.

Especially my dad.  We've been through a lot this past year, and in 2012, though we're only two months in, we've spent a lot of time together and have had some great laughs (so many in fact there were a few instances where I'm sure we almost pooped ourselves...).  I guess in some ways I'm kind of a daddy's girl.  He'll be the first to break, I just know it.  But this isn't what I'm worried about.  I know it's normal for parents to get emotional about their children moving out and things, especially their youngest, I get it.  I'm worried about how my dad will handle it two or three months after they leave me at school.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be one of those kids who comes home only on holidays, I live too close to do that kind of thing, plus, I love my family and my mom's cooking.  I think it's just going to be hard for him because we've begun to patch our relationship up and then I'm moving out.

I know though, that this is just something we're all going to have to adjust to.  Life is constantly changing and we're all having to constantly adapt.  I'm sure the first few months will be difficult on all of us, but I know we're going to make it through, we have no other choice, eh?  If there's anything else I know, it's that God will be with both of my parents and make them feel secure about everything.

Bit of a long winded post, eh? I just had to share the news and feelings, it's a massive thing happening.  I mean, actually, legitimately, happening now.  It's all real.

Also, while we were out and about today, that is before we came home to my purple envelope, we some how ended up in a kitchen store some where between Park City and Newton (I fell asleep after we hit Park City, so I really don't know where it's at) and I found a jinx cookie cutter! The jinx cat is affiliated with SC, it's kind of the unofficial mascot for the school, I'll have to explain soon.  I'll have to make sure to post photos of my test cookies for graduation using the jinx cookie cutter. (:

I wasn't even planning on having cookies at my graduation
party. I couldn't pass up a jinx cookie cutter though!

Link of the day: Awesomeness that is my good friend Jess, who I met via the internet a couple years ago.  She lives across that MASSIVE pond and makes cakes that make me drool. She's pretty awesome.

Days until graduation: 91
Days until moving day: 177

One Year Later

One year ago I experienced for the first time ever walking with both legs at the same length. Not only were both legs finally the same length but I had two normal hips, though one was made of titanium and porcelain, either way February 14th, 2011 was a joyous day.

I've talked a fair amount about the things leading up to surgery, and even recounting everything from that day.

A year ago I wouldn't have thought that with my new hip I would have done as much as I have.  I wouldn't have even began to think that I would have done a two mile walk less than  eight weeks after surgery. Or that I could walk all over SC campus for the first time without missing a beat, less than eight weeks after surgery.  I wouldn't even believe you if you told me that my best friend's would take me River Fest for the first time just because I wanted to walk around.

This past year has been a roller coaster ride.  There were many times when I thought I couldn't do it and had lots of break downs, but I pulled through.  If there's anything that this last year has taught me, it's been this: I can do anything. With the help of God holding me up when I needed it most, and letting me figure things out, I've managed to overcome so many obstacles.

How am I celebrating my one year anniversary? Walking on ice through the parking lot to get to school after nearly falling at least five times and now staying in to study for my four exams this week.  I am however very appreciative of my awesome friends, family and God; without them I'm not sure what I would do.

Link of the day: Valentine's Day History, it's kind of interesting to see where it orginated from, that it's not just something that Hallmark thought up one day and decided it would be a thing from then on.

Days until Valentine's Day: 0
Days until graduation: 94
Days until moving day: 180

life

I found out today that a friend of mine who graduated last year is being deployed in August for Afghanistan.  I knew something like this was going to happen, I mean you can't become a soldier in the United States armed forces and not expect to be deployed some where at some point. I guess the naive person that I am thought it couldn't happen this soon.

This concept is weird for me. I know what comes with being in the military, you go where you're told without asking any ifs, ands or buts. The only logical conclusion I have come up with is the fact that this whole growing up thing is really starting to sink in.  I was just talking to my dad about this, about how I didn't expect him to be deployed just yet; it's hard for me to grasp the fact that we're getting older and growing up and doing things with our lives, it's not just high school any more but the real world.

I know life outside of high school will be different.  I've already been figuring that out.  The last month, since I've turned eighteen, my parents have been a lot more relaxed about how late I stay out and have been letting me make my own choices on a lot of things.  My mom has realized this too, seeing as I have been making some better choices when it comes to certain things like school and my health.  I've been taking responsiblity for the decisions I've been making, and in general have started to think more critically about things.

Tomorrow I was supposed to be boarding a bus at 7:30 am to go to Rose Hill for a conference for one of the clubs I'm in.  I paid for my seat on the bus and had even asked my mom for money for lunch, but today, after I thought things through, I went in to talk to the club sponsor and told her that I was opting out of the conference to stay at school and get caught up on things.  I could have easily just went ahead and went to the conference and fall behind another day but instead I decided not to.

I've been trying to brace the fact that not only am I'm an adult now but that I'll be moving out in August but at the same time I've been trying to enjoy my senior and make it memorable.  It's a hard thing, especially when you realize that some of your friends are graduating college, getting married and having kids.  Or as in the case I realized today, being deployed to the Middle East.

Life is a crazy thing.  As much as the unknown in life scares me, I'm ready to embrace it with a open heart, mind and eyes with God beside me.

Link of the day: Noodling Just so you really know what I'm willing to do in my life at some point.

days until Valentine's Day: 6
days until graduation: 100
days until moving day: 186

what's on my mind: MDT

I was going to blog about what's been on my mind for the last day and a half...or week and a half...but I ended up vlogging it earlier today when I was driving home from school. So instead of writing out what I said and correcting my grammar, I'll just share with you my ramblings of this afternoon.

Link of the Day: fyeahthespianpeacocks If I wasn't so lazy, I'd probably end up reblogging every single post.

days until MDT: 1
days until Valentine's Day: 11
days until graduation: 105

eleven question tag

I was tagged by lovely Stephanie who has been blogging everyday over at her blog.


The Rules

• Post these rules
• Post 11 random things about yourself
• Answer the questions that tagger set for you in their post
• Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
• Go to their blog and tell them they've been tagged. (No cop-outs, like "If you're following me/reading this, you're tagged. You have to legitimately tag people)

Random Things about Me

1. I love doing most yard work, makes me feel content as I do something productive.
2. I will try new foods and combinations that normally aren't eaten (right now I want to try eating a cricket with Taco Bell's FIRE! sauce on it)
3. When I caught my first fish when I was three on a small pink fishing pole, when I felt the bite I threw the pole down and ran to the house.
4. I prefer to shoot a handgun over a shotgun.
5. I promised to to take my dad deep sea fishing before he dies.
6. I've never ridden a train before, though I think I'd enjoy it.
7. I learned fractions by cooking with my mom when I was younger. She did the same with my brother too.
8. If I didn't detest math so much I would become an astronomer.
9. I wouldn't mind being trained as a storm chaser.
10. I make cupcakes for my advisory class for random occasions.
11. I'm scared poopless for the mystery dinner theatre on Saturday.

Questions from Stephanie

1. If you could time travel, would you go to the future or the past? Why? Being the history nerd that I am, I'm going with the past.  There's so many events that I would love to have been present for, it just makes me go crazy when I remember that time travel currently isn't possible. *sigh*
2. What is your favourite fast food place? Unfortunately, I've eaten too much of fast food in my life and though I prefer a place that has home cooked food I'm going to have to go with Taco Bell only because it's cheap and solves my hunger when I'm on the fly during the week.
3. Have you done the personality test? (here) What is your personality type? I did once, for a class a couple years ago, but I did it again anyway. INTJ
4. Are you superstitious? Yup. Ask me about the Tape Ball and what happened on closing night of Guys and Dolls...
5. Who is your biggest inspiration? Tough one! I normally can't single out one person on questions like these, but I'll say Oprah Winfrey. I say Oprah because of how she's turned things around in her life and has continued to pursue things even when things get tough. Crappy explanation, but that's about all the words I can string together for now.
6. Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? Yes, I did. I forget her name though.  We used to swing on the swing set in the back yard.
7. What is your favourite season? Autumn, it's not too cold, not too warm and I can spend some of it hunting and/or fishing.
8. Chocolate or lollies? Chocolate. Definitely chocolate.
9. Are you allergic to anything? Food: nothing that I know of. I've eaten a lot of foods in my life so I really don't think I'm allergic to anything common. Animals: nothing, although I fear I might be allergic to bees, seeing as I've never been stung before. Medicines: Tylenol, though it's found in nearly EVERY medication out there, I just can't have an enormous amount or my blood work gets crazy.
10. What are you most talented at? I really don't know, probably just being a great listener.
11. Are you a grammar nazi? :P YES. For years my friends come to me to proof their papers, and I often troll Facebook to fix other's grammar in their statuses.

Eleven More Questions

1. Who is your favorite actress?
2. Have you ever eaten elk?
3. Do you have any pets?
4. How often do you read?
5. Belong to any clubs/organizations during school?
6. When's the last family vacation you took? Where did you go?
7. Can you speak another language?
8. What's your dream job?
9. Have you ever met any of your blogger friends IRL?
10. Do you do stuff on YouTube? If you do, will you link us?
11. What's your favorite bird?

And last but not least, I tag Kathy (even though she's already done it a billion times...), and Emily.  Can't wait to see your responses!

Link of the day: Heart Valentine Mahjong I've been playing it quite a few times in the last few days, it's fun and festive!

days until MDT: 2

days until Valentine's Day: 12

days until graduation: 106

writing insecurities

Today is the last day of January 2012.  It is also the day my editorial paper for my English 3 paper was due.  Let's not forget, today was also the day that my arthritis decided that it hadn't come around much and decided to kick my ass so hard I ended up staying in bed crying myself to sleep instead of going to school.  Yup, what a great way to end Jaunary 2012.  Don't worry though, this isn't going to be the end of today.

Although I did spend the majority of my day in my bed whimpering in pain, and the other half sitting on the couch watching Formual One Racing for no real apparant reason, I did something I've never done before.

As I said, my editorial paper was due in English today.  My teacher doesn't take late papers, which is understandable since the last three years she's taught at MHS juniors just didn't show up on due day thinking they could get out of it.  I made it extremely clear to my dad that he was in charge of taking my paper, research and other needed items into the school and give to the front desk.  I pressured him so much he kept repeating what I said to him before he left for his doctor appointment.

I've had mixed feelings on this editorial.  Not only was it my first editorial that I wrote, but I was ill the day that everyone picked topics so the ones I wanted were gone and I was left with the bottom of the barrel scraping around for something somewhat interesting to research and write about.  I ended up with a topic over milk, which does sound funny I know, but it intrested me enough considering me other options so I chose it.  I became extremely frustrated when I couldn't figure out how to sort through the almost meaningless research I had found, and even more frustrated when I began to actually write the paper in class and my teacher offered no real support.

The thing with me is this, I love to write. I enjoy writing papers for schools, they don't bother me.  I'll put a lot of work into a project and when I turn it in I become so overly anxious and nervous that it's all I think about.  Even with just free writing, I'll write for twenty minutes with no filter in my brain to see where my imagination will take me.  Then, instead of sharing it I push it away into the files of my laptop to never been seen again.  Even when it comes to blogging I second guess my abilities when I post something.  I wonder if I wrote that to the best of my abilities or if I just half assed it and should delete it to just forget it ever happened.

I'm sure that several people feel similiar, that they work really hard on a project and then fear for rejection or something similiar.  It really upsets me though.  I love writing so much, and it's become ever so apparant in the last few months.  With working on the Secret Book project, it makes me nervous already, and I'm only within the first five chapters of the book.

What I did today though, it took a lot of talking to myself to do it but I did it.  I put my editorial on Writing.com for the whole interwebs to see.  I won't lie, I was extremely nervous when I pressed the saved button even though I knew I should be confident in my hard work and writing.  I then left the website for a hour or so and focused on some other things.  When I went back, I was shocked to find that I had two reviews on my editorial, both of which where informative and offered very good advice in how to tweak a few things and urging me to continue to write.

Just those two reviews changed my thinking on my abilitiy as a writer.  I know I'm not the best that I can achieve, I still have a lot of work to do to better my writing skills.  I also know that not everyone will like what I produce, and that's fine.  I feel a lot better now in more ways than I can describe, taking that plunge and hitting save was what it took to show myself that the things I produce aren't all that bad.

Out of all this, it made my day considerably better and gives me the push I needed to keep on writing.

If you feel so inclined to read my editorial, it can be found here.

Now, I just need to push through my reading and tackle that book report for Topics.

days until MDT: 4
days until Valentine's Day: 14
days until graduation: 108

zen moment of the month: hunting

It's been over two years since I last held a shotgun in my hands and walked the fields of Kansas in search for pheasant.  Two years doesn't seem that long, but coming from a family that goes hutning and fishing like it's a job, two years is an extremely long time.

I didn't go out hunting at all last year, even though my parents were so kind and bought me a fishing and hunting liscense combo, because at the time of opening weekend for pheasant rolled around, I was using a wheelchair to get around.  There was no way in hell my mom would even think about letting me take a two hour drive out to the farm to walk in misery for a weekend.  Although I was upset I couldn't go, I know deep down inside that it was the best choice we made. I woudn't have been able to last half a day out in the field if I had gone.

I went out to the farm with my dad and my uncle to give it one last chance since it was the closing weekend for pheasant and squirrel.  I hadn't been able to go out in November for the opening because of the show and other things going on, it just made it impossible to take off of life for three days.  Unfortunately, we didn't evens see a single pheasant while we were out there.  It was pretty disheartening since it was the first time I had been out int he field since I had my hip replaced.  We did see a few deer though, and a couple of squirrels that we managed to lose sight of before we could get out of the truck and get to a place where we could have a clear shot at them.

When we realized that we weren't going to get any squirrels from the property down by the creek, we set up a small target on one of the dead trees that had fallen down during a storm a couple of years ago.  Dad let me shoot his .22 revolver, the one that I've been working with a lot over the last month; my uncle I think was a bit surprised at how well I could shoot, since I managed to get a bullseye on my second shot.  Then, my uncle was ever so nice to let me shoot his semi-automatic 9 milimeter.  I didn't do too terribly bad since that was the first time I shot a 9 mil at a target, and only the second time shooting a 8 mil in general.

Although we didn't get any game on our trip out there, or to even shoot my shotgun, I still had a lot of fun.  I enjoyed being around my dad and uncle, listening to them banter back in forth retelling stories of when they were kids.  I also really enjoyed the simple act of walking down the road, blocking for my uncle who was in the field.  Riding in the backseat of the truck as we drove nearly every road in Pratt county, I was in awe of how simple it was out there compared to the area around Mulvane.  My favorite part of the entire trip was when we went to the old creek bed that had dried up for the winter and made our own shooting range.  My dad asked me to go to the truck and load his revolver.  He's never asked me to do that before, it made me so incredibly happy to know that he trusts me with his beloved .22 revolver.

Link of the Day: Adventures of 2012 I haven't been on the interwebs too terribly much over the last week, so I don't have any new gems for you to go visit, so I'm sharing my adventure blog.  My goal is to document 2012 in a way that is special since this year has a lot of special things in store for me.

days until MDT: 6
days until Valentine's Day: 16
days until graduation: 110

Hashi and I

I don't think it's really set in since I found out a few years ago when I was diagnosed with a medical condition called Hashimoto's disease (which we commonly refer to as Hashi around our family) that the feelings I have when I don't take my thyroid medicines really start to change my mind set.

I was diagnosed either at the end of freshmen year or sophomore year with Hashi . I don't remember what exactly caused them to draw a strange amount of blood one day at the doctor's office, but they did. I remember my mom being freaked out when they called and left a message for her telling her she needed to call the doctor ASAP.  She was worried that they were going to diagnose me with diabetes since she has Type I diabetes and my dad with Type II.  When they told her I had Hashi my mom was relieved.

Hashimoto is a simple run down explanation is just the thyroid glands not producing enough (or as in my case, none at all) hormones.  For Hashi, in most cases Hashi is simply treated by the patient taking a thyroid replacement pill every day that levels the hormone levels to where they need to be.

One of the possible symptoms of Hashi is fatigue and a sluggish feeling.  I've been really bad since I was diagnosed about taking my medicine every day. It got to the point where the pediatric endocrinologist that I was seeing got extremely upset with me and lectured me for twenty minutes once when I went to see him.  Within the last week I started using my pill planner again, making sure I take my vitamins, pain medication and thyroid pill every day.  I managed to go an entire week taking all of my medicine. Then yesterday and today I forgot to take them since I was running late.  Let me tell you, fatigue and sluggish feelings is what I've been feeling the last two days.

It kind of shook me a little when I realized that the weird feelings I've been having yesterday and today have to do with the fact that I didn't take my Hashi medication.  I guess I just find it odd that such a small pill can make a massive difference in one day.  Also, considering the idea of me moving out in August means that there won't be anyone to tell me every morning to take my medicine, it just kind of scares me a little.  And maybe that's what I need.

Link of the day: Bad Hall Director I found his blog not too long ago, but I've read back several months and I literally end up laughing by the end of every single post.

days until MDT: 11
days until Valentine's Day: 21
days until graduation: 115