You know, I feel like bawling right now. It's not because I had a bad day at school. Not because of arthritis pain or any of that. But because my brother is hurting in a way that I've never seen him hurt, and it tears me to pieces because I can't do a single thing about it, let alone actually be there in person to give him a hug and tell him things will get better.
My brother and I are fifteen years apart, so it's been difficult at times in the past to connect with each other because of our age differences. I think the only thing that we can connect on that doesn't require age is hunting and fishing, because it involves two of our favorite things, guns and fish.
Over the years I haven't seen too much of my brother Bill, who I call Bubby. Fifteen when I was born, he went off to the United States Marine Corps boot camp right after he graduated in 1997. He had been stationed in Okinawa for several years after he finished boot camp. And then when the bombing of the Twin Towers happened, he had just coincidentally been state side during the events, not too long after that happened he was deployed to Kuwait where he eventually ended up in Iraq.
Here's the thing about Marines, they can appear emotionless and hard faced whenever they want. Trained to focus and not let anything bother them in their path to completing their objective. In all the moments that I've been with my brother, he's never appeared to be upset. I have learned to read his face and know when he's angry or annoyed and when he's happy. But today, today just makes me hurt too.
My mom got a message from my brother, about a good friend of his, Mr. Ken. He worked with Mr. Ken since he had gotten out of the Marines back in 2004 and went to work at an oil refinery as a rigger. Mr. Ken along with another man called Bomber, were like his older brothers he never had. Mr. Ken and bomber helped my brother when he started working at the refinery. Mr. Ken taught my brother so much about the line of work he's in that he's just amazed a man could know and care so much.
What has me upset about my brother, is this. He found out that Mr. Ken had passed away. That in itself is upsetting to hear about, but what I hadn't realized until my mom told me what Bubby said, was that Mr. Ken was only a year younger than our dad. So that has Bubby and I both thinking.
It just tears me apart knowing that my brother is taking this news so hard, especially since it's the holiday season, and I can't be there to offer comfort. All I want to do is get in my car and drive non-stop to Texas and give him a hug. I've been thinking all evening about my brother and Bomber, and Mr. Ken's family. I just want them to have some comfort right now and get through this.
I know this was a bit of a downer for a blog post as I slowly make my return back to blogging, but I've never felt this far away from my brother before. Even when I was younger and he was in Iraq. But I can't even compare those two because I was younger and didn't understand.
Do me a favor? Tell your friends and family you love them; life is just too short.
Link of the day: SolarBeat is indescribable. It combines music with our solar system and is just completely beautiful.
days until winter break: 6
days until Christmas: 10
days until I become an adult: 23
days until graduation: 155
No comments:
Post a Comment