1. Falling: I didn't realize this until the other night, that I constantly fear falling. I'm always cautious when I go to a new place and when I don't know what the floor/ground is like. And in general it's always at the front of my mind. I'm scared to fall. I'm scared that I'll get tripped in the halls at school and fall. I don't want to find out what happens to my hip if it does happen. I always fear the worse.
2. Public speaking: I kind of touched on this before, and though I'm outgoing to an extent, I get really nervous when it involves speaking to a large group of people at once, including acting/performing. But this fear, I can control for the most part, I mean, I do theatre, debate and forensics, I kind of have to have some control.
3. I won't be able to share my experiences: one of the things I'm really big on is sharing major experiences with people. You can always learn something new through relaying experiences that you've gone through and I feel like I can help inspire at least one person out there, and I don't miss out on that opportunity.
4. Never getting over the mentallity of "I can't do that": Part of my brain still stops me and says, "Don't do that, you can't do that" because a lot of things I couldn't do before I had a hip replacement, my brain still thinks that I can't do those things. It's so incredibly frustrating when I can't put my own socks and shoes on like a normal person because my brain tells my body it can't move that way.
5. The road ahead: now that I think about it, this is probably the most cliche answer that I could answer. I'm a bit scared of what life has to offer me down the road. I fantasize about how I want things to go, but I know for a fact that things will turn out exactly the way I imagine them.
6. The dark: depending on where I'm at I have different feelings about the darkness. But there's something about not knowing what's out there that I can't see is what gets me. I've been keeping an open mind though, so I don't get paranoid too much; that's how I deal with darkness when I go camping.
7. I won't make amends with the people I've had problems with in the past: there aren't many people who this would apply to, but there a couple. I want to make amends with those people at some point so I can move on completely. Not necessarily forgiving them, because you can't just forgive once, it's something you have to keep working on.
Today is awesome because: I really don't need to go any where, and it's a perfect "stay in pajamas and work from bed" type of day since it's been all rainy and stuff since last night's game.
days until ACT: 34
days until the fall musical: 58 (up until now I've been counting wrong....)
days until I become an adult: 112
days until graduation: 243
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