too many words to express

The past week and a half has been rough on me.  Being on winter break has felt amazing in the sense that I don't need to wake up at 6 in the morning, shower, travel to school, and get stuck in the wheelchair for all day when all I really wanted to do is go home and stay home. But there is a thing called too much of one thing, and unfortunately it's over powering the good parts of my break.

My pain is rather spontaneous at times, and it's difficult to gage when I need my medicine because I have such a high pain tolerance that by the time I really start hurting, I'm near tears and it takes what seems like forever to get the pain to subside or stop all together.  Thus, I can't really do much outside of the house.  I'm basically stuck as the one who gets drove around places instead of driving myself.  And as much as I love my parents, I really need some outside interaction with the world.

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I've been listening a lot to music, more than usual I think.  I've been listening to a local channel, WAY FM a Christan station that I've tuned my radio in my room to.  I usually listen to it when I get up and through out the day.  I love basically every song that they play, but there are a few that I have a greater love for, because I feel them speak directly towards me and they seem to help me through these rough times.  I often find myself singing under my breath verses of these songs, they seem to put me at ease when my mind starts to wander and I begin to doubt things and get nervous for the journey ahead.

If there's something I learned over the last couple of weeks of reading the Bible and listening to these songs, I know without a doubt that God is with me.  He's helping me get through these times, and I understand that for some reason He's made me different from others.  Every once in a while, I find myself grow angry with Him, asking why He chose me out of all people.  I know for some reason, He chose me, and whether or not I'll know, I don't know.  But I know I'll get through this, with the help of family and friends I know I'm in good hands.