Monday, March 28, 2011

mind blown

Oh my.

...

I don't know what to say for a change.

...

I just finished watching The Disappeared staring Harry Treadaway, Tom Felton and Ros Leeming.  Honestly, I'll admit it, I don't watch scary movies because I feel like I'm one of those people who will be frightened easy.  I decided though, since I had looked into the movie slightly that I'd order it off of Netflix and give it a try.  I mean, I get slightly freaked out, even after years of watching Ghost Hunters and even Destination Truth at times.  I think it's a brain game I play with myself, thinking I'll be freaked out and then I get all jumpy.

Anyway, I started the movie when it was still light out, just to be safe, because I didn't want to stop the movie and have to finish it tomorrow when the sun is out.  I have to admit, I found the first like hour and twenty minutes extremely slow and at times painfully boring.  But I toughed it out, because there are several movies that I enjoy immensely just because I stuck it out and watched it in it's entirety.

The ending though, oh my.

...

Seriously, I'm still at a loss for words.

The ending of the film, left me wondering who in the hell would write such a fantastic piece of work...and leave people wondering things at the very end....when there's nothing left to watch.

And then I completely thought it through, of course, that was probably intentional.  But still, my point, is that I have so many questions.  I guess you could say that I'm left kind of dazed and confused on a few points.

And just flat out confused on a few things.

But then, I read through the small synopsis a second time that was on the DVD cover in the Netflix envelope, and I realized that this was the extent of the movie.  I was supposed to feel confused, or at least left wondering.  It was after all labeled as a "psychological horror film".

...

When my parents asked me how I liked the film, I bluntly told them that I'm happy I took a chance and tried a horror film of sorts, and that I had to give props to the Brits who wrote and produced the film; they really made an American think their ass off.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

you can do it

My parents might think that my Youtube obsession is getting slightly out of hand when I sit in my room and watch random videos, but I think, especially after today, that I'm actually benefiting from it, and it's helping me slightly become a better person.  Or at least it's making me think a lot about things that pertain to my life around me.

I just recently watched a Youtube video by Alex Day (also known as Nerimon on Youtube) titled: Life Challenges.

This video is one of several he had posted over several days in a short series of videos from when he was in Zambia with World Vision.  The videos opened my eyes a bit about Zambia and third world countries in general.

Towards the end of the video, Alex talks about how the people of the communities he had the experience to be around, and how they take their problems in life as challenges.  This particular statement made me really think. And I mean, turning my computer off for a few minutes, staring at the wall and think.  I would have done my typical debate/extemp pace if my hip wasn't bothering at the time.  I mean, I hardcore, genuinely thought about this.

I know for a fact that my life isn't perfect, but it's definitely not the worst either.  I've always thought that there is always another person out there worse off than you.  Think about it; think about everything that could possibly be wrong in your life.  For example, I had to have my hip replaced over a month ago at the age of seventeen, I've basically spent my entire life up until now disabled, and I'll be disabled for the rest of my life to a certain extent.  Home life really isn't all that great either, there are a lot of issues that come up consistently and it takes a lot out of me.  Another point, I've never really gotten to know my brother as well as I'd like, being fifteen years apart makes things difficult, he was in the military for a while and now he's married with kids and lives in another state.  Those are probably what I would have dubbed the worst things in my life up until about a couple of months ago.

But there is someone out there, with no home, no family, no food.  There's someone out there that is struggling to stay alive.  I've been extremely grateful the last couple of months for the things that I've got and the support I have, but thinking about this in a new way has made me even that much more grateful.

Looking at life problems as challenges is an interesting and quite positive way to get through the struggles that we may have from a day to day basis to even long term things.

I guess I've already thought about life this way in a certain extent, but I hadn't really explored the idea.  I've spent most of my childhood up until the time I started high school, just trying to fit in.  It was difficult to me though because while all the other kids were playing sports competitively I was usually always the one cheering from the sidelines.  There were things I couldn't do because I had certain limitations with my hip disability and it frustrated me so much.

When I started high school, it's cliché to say, but I felt I had a new start.  I was still with the same kids I had known for over eight years already, but I felt it was time to let go and challenge myself, not just sit back and not try.  My mom had signed me up for general weight lifting instead of the normal coed physical education class because she knew that the PE class would involve a lot of running, and I could barely maintain a jog for a small amount of time before I either grew tired or began to hurt in my hip or other parts of my leg.  Even within the weight lifting class, after speaking with my coach, whom was very understanding about my disability, had told me that I could do the bare minimum and would still pass the class.  He wasn't just giving me an A, but told me that if I worked hard and did what I was supposed to I could pass.

I challenged myself then.  I had made a subconscious goal every day then on that I would attempt to progress in some way in the class.  By the end of the semester coach was rather surprised but quite pleased with how far I had excelled.

It hasn't really been up until the last couple of months that I've really felt rejuvenated so to speak to challenge myself and excel.  Beginning of January, I decided to go back to school without my wheelchair that I had been using for over a month because I could barely get out of bed at times because my hip hurt so badly.  I don't know how I managed it, but I did manage to go the entire week without my wheelchair.  It felt good to know that I could put my mind to something like that and overcome it.  Though, it was definitely not an easy task.

We had been scheduled for an appointment in St. Louis, Missouri at Shriner's Hospital for Children where I had several years previous had hip surgery done; they were to give us the second opinion on a hip replacement.  I was extremely nervous about going, because things were annoyingly unclear and indefinite.  We had no idea what exactly would happen while we were there.  Long story short, we basically had a fit with the "head" surgeon there, and scheduled and appointment with my surgeon here at home, where we later scheduled my hip replacement for February 14th.

The following week, I was taken out of my high school officially and put on an online course.  When surgery finally rolled around, oddly enough I wasn't nervous at all to go in, but was actually quite happy.  It says a lot when a teenager has to undergo such a major operation and is truly happy about it.

I remember the day that I came home from the hospital on the third day after surgery.  It was probably the only moment I really remember through all of the pain medicines they had me on that week.  At the hospital they taught me a certain way to go up and down stairs with my walker.  Unfortunate for us, the walker and the stairs are quite different and the technique didn't work. At all.  I had gotten up on the first step, and then I struggled with the rest of the stairs with my mom pulling me up by the arm.  On the last step I told my mom that it was all a mistake.  I shouldn't have had the surgery and I should have just lived with it.  That it wasn't worth it.

She told me that I didn't know what I was talking about, that it would gradually get better from then on, but I didn't believe her.  The week following that was quite a tough one; I was progressing though I didn't see it myself.

Come to the one month anniversary of my surgery, I really noticed how well I was doing.  I had begun to challenge myself after I had gotten home.  I knew that sitting around and doing nothing would help absolutely nothing.  There are times now, when I don't even realize I'm challenging myself.  For example, last week I was cleaning my room, and I flopped down on the floor and crawled under my bed, not even thinking about it for a second.  I got up perfectly fine.

I know this blog is getting rather long, and probably boring, but I seriously think there is a point here.

I think if we challenge ourselves, similar to what Alex described in his video about the people he met in Zambia, then we can overcome and achieve anything we want in life.  It seems a bit ridiculous at first when you think about it, but you have to break it down into mini challenges almost, and work through them one by one.


If you want to check out the World Vision Vloggers, just head on over here.

And to learn more about World Vision and how you can sponsor a child or help donate around the world, head on over here.

Each person has a story to share, and everyone can learn something from someone; even if it's the tiniest thing.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

who knew I cared so much?

Right now, as I'm blogging, I'm watching the final two minutes of the Kentucky versus Princeton game. I'm rooting for Kentucky and at the moment the odds are very slim and I think I might cry after this is finished because it could go either way really.  This is really mind blowing...especially just now when a Tucky player (as I call them for short) just missed a three point shot.

And now it's to commercial so I'll actually get on with....

Nevermind, game is back on.

I have a feeling this will end in a ranting blog about college basketball...NO it will.  Because that's exactly what I'm doing now... Anyway, Princeton has the ball...50 seconds left....Now we're tied 57 to 57 with less than 30 seconds left.

And we're back to commerical.

I was going to actually get on with the topic of this blog when the game came back on...but I seriously never thought I would be so into March Madness this year. I mean the last couple of years was bad...

Game is back..

I hope there's no over time...'cause I get crazy loud when that happens...Waiting the clock out....YES. tHEY MADE A SHOT WITH 2 SECONDS LEFT, and then Princeton calls timeout. How classy...

What the hell do you mean that didn't count? I'm so confused.

Tucky won though, so that's all I care for.  59 to 57 Kentucky Wildcats.

Now back to my blog topic...

The last couple years of March Madness has been bad, but this year is probably going to be twice as badly because I'm being home schooled now I get to spend all this time at home. And though the thing is, I have never really cared for college sports, or sports in general really. I mean, I have a couple teams that I'll support, just because most people have a team to support.  But I seem to care more about the statics about the games than the actual game itself.

But I'll be honest, I'm seriously getting into the games this year.  Although, I still prefer to watch the last half of the game just because I find the beginning to be boring and redundant, so I catch on at the end when it's all exciting and stuff.

Pause.

Just checked Facebook, and a friend of mine just updated their status to "Kuck Fentucky", I replied simply, " That was intense. I was rooting for Kentucky though...no major reason."

Which leads me to another point to talk about.  Actually, I did have a reason for rooting for Kentucky, but I'm too lazy to explain that for now...but I tend to watch a game that I don't know the teams playing, so I'll make a random decision within a minute or two that I start watching the game and chose who I'm rooting for.

See, there's so many flaws in my March Madness Scheme.


This actually, is probably the most useless blog yet.


And for the few people who are from the UK, because I know there are a few of you that are probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about...anyway, March Madness is just this whole crazy frenzy around the NCAA basketball realm.  If you're any way interested in universities around here or into sports, generally you're into March Madness in some way.  Basically it's just a bunch of basketball games during the month of March leading up to the all mighty final two game.  It gets rather intense. I mean look at my play-by-play blog of the last two minutes of the game...and March Madness just started two days ago...


If you don't know what I'm talking about, I've probably failed to explain it. Just give it a Google search, or BING, if you're into that BINGing sort of thing, and I'm sure there's places out there that do a better job at explaining March Madness than I can.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

this didn't happen...

Yesterday our internet was out, well, actually I guess all I had to do was reset the router, but usually when I'm the that does that I tend to either push the wrong button and cause more problems. So, I just hung around waiting for my mom to come home at 3:30 to take me to my afternoon physical therapy visit.

I decided, since I couldn't get online to do my school lessons, that I'd watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince because, well, it's been a very long time since I had seen it.

As I watched the first, maybe hour, I was shocked to have not remembered half the stuff that happened. I mean, I knew the stuff happened because I've read the book. But I didn't remember seeing it before, like it was my first time seeing it.

And then I got to thinking, I had gotten the DVD for Christmas but I hadn't opened it because I had already seen it. But I can't for the life of me think back to when I saw it.  I'm thinking I probably saw it with my cousin, whom also went with me to watch Order of the Phoenix when it came out in theatres, but it still seemed so weird to me.

Let's just say, my mind was boggled yesterday.  I was slightly confused, and of course worried. Because, let's be honest, I love Harry Potter so much that I shouldn't forget stuff like this.

Monday, March 14, 2011

most listened to

I decided, in order to keep procrastinating my history essay I'm supposed to be doing, I would list my top 23 songs that I've been listening to recently (in no particular order).

1. Hard Workin' Man by Brooks & Dunn
2. Jolene by Dolly Parton
3. The Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks
4. Touch by Natasha Bedingfield
5. Love Like Woe by The Ready Set
6. When by Shania Twain
7. She's Not Just a Pretty Face by Shania Twain
8. White Lies by Stacy Clark
9. I'm a Ramblin' Man by Waylon Jennings
10. Tennessee River by Alabama
11. Say It Now by The Afters
12. You Are Holy by Peder Eide there are sooo many versions of this song, but I only have the LIVE version from Peder Eide
13. Wolves by Steady Your Pace they don't have a video for this, Check it out on iTunes!
14. Pam Pam Pam by Madame Recamier
15. Jesus Freak by Newsboys
16. I Am the Champion by B.o.B.
17. If I Die Young by The Band Perry
18. Crushcrushcrush by Paramore
19. Manic Monday by Relient K
20. Wild at Heart by Gloriana
21. Still in Saigon by Charlie Daniels Band
22. Harper Valley P.T.A. by Jeannie C. Riley
23. Rose Garden by Lynn Anderson

So yeah. I tried to get the music videos for all of them, but you can at least hear the song. Maybe give you a new reason to procrastinate something you're supposed to be working on...

under the radar

So, I'm addicted to music. It's a simple fact to grasp.  But the one thing I absolutely hate about music, although it really isn't music itself, but radios who do it...is when the new cool "hip" songs get repeated every single hour.  I mean, why can't we listen to some older music that once used to be new and cool and "hip"? Huh, why?

Well, I found this awesome site a few days ago through a link on Facebook from a band I'm friends with a few of their members, (Bread of Stone) and they had gotten the opportunity to guest on this radio show. Of course, I had only followed to the link because it was Bread of Stone, I hadn't known anything about the radio show or site, I just simply wanted me some Bread of Stone to listen to even though I own two of their three cds....

BUT. this wasn't just any ole radio show.  They play songs that are under the radar, songs on popular albums that haven't been given the chance of the spotlight.

I fell in love with this show, and not just because they had Bread of Stone guest on one of their recent shows, but because I love the simple reasoning behind it.  Most of my music on my i-pod that isn't classic country because, I love love love LOVE classic country... is made up of random songs that I found through different outlets that are actually quite good but have never got the recognition they deserve.

I love this show so much, I found the first show and I've begun the process of listening to each and every show they've done. Over a 100 of them.  They last around an hour, so I'll have some good music to listen to while I sit around folding laundry and procrastinating my school lessons.

So, grab a pencil and paper and head on over to Under the Radar and listen to a few radio episodes, you might even find some new music that you've never heard of.

Friday, March 11, 2011

update

I thought I'd make a small update on my hip and everything.

I'm sure my physical therapists would have crapped their pants if they saw me just a while ago. I flopped down on the floor and crawled under my bed and cleaned. I got up alright, way better than before my replacement.

And to think, this Monday, will be exactly a month.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

re-discovery!

If you know me, you're probably wondering along the same lines that I am right now...how have I not mentioned Harry Potter in my blog...well, I don't know to be honest...

It's been a few years since I last sat down and reread the series from the beginning to the end.  Within the past seven days, among other things I've been doing, I've been rereading the series. Today I started Prisoner of Azkaban, and I couldn't help but think about how much of the stuff I kind of forgot about or in general how I felt like it was almost like I had never read the books.

For a moment, it felt like I had just discovered the books and was kicking myself for not reading them sooner.  I just adore how Jo writes.  I used to kind of skim reads certain parts of the books when I would reread them because I knew what happened, but I've really made myself slow down and read closely. And there's a lot of things I've really forgotten about that I loved every time I read the books.

For example, in Sorcerer's Stone, there's a short passage that I absolutely love between Molly Weasley and her twin sons, Fred and George:

"Now, you two -- this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've -- blown up a toilet or --"

"Blown up a toliet? We've never blown up a toilet."

"Great idea though, thanks, Mom."

"It's not funny. And look after Ron."

"Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us."

United States paperback version of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, chapter 6: The Journey From Platform Nine and Three-Quarters ; page 96

I've always enjoyed reading that part, and I had kind of forgotten about it over the last couple of years. It made me laugh so hard that my dad stuck his head into my room to see what was wrong.

It just goes to show that sometimes re-reading and even re-watching your favorite books and movies will remind how much you love them and in some cases point out new things you hadn't noticed before.

Now then...off to read some more Harry Potter. :) instead of doing my school lessons... 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

it's a choice

I thought I'd first start this blog post out by saying that this topic has really had me thinking over the last couple of days, and I've put off writing this blog about it because I wanted to give it a great deal of thought. I had to stop in the middle of cleaning to write this, I couldn't stand it any longer.

Recently I have been kind of obsessed with Youtube, and I've been subscribed to Kathy's channel, jsutkissmyfrog. I've found her to be a great person to just watch and she's so beautiful and has a wonderful voice.  A few days ago, she posted a new video up titled, In Defence Of Make Up - Beauty Ethics for the Unconvinced.


I watched the video, and it dawned on me, that it's completely true.


You, yourself has the choice of how you act and how you are perceived to others.  If you come off as a very serious and uptight person, you are the one to blame for that.  You have let yourself become that person.  I agree, that it is also up to you to change.  There isn't another person who can make you change, you have to have the will power and say, "Hey, this needs to stop and change." You've got to be the one to get the ball rolling so to speak.


Watching that video definitely gave me a lot to think about.  And, it's definitely helped me personally.  I've recently been looking at life in a different way since I undergone my hip replacement surgery and how that in it's self was and has changed my life.  I've let myself become a loving person who bites of more than she can chew. I've been a messy person for...forever, my room is a mess, like a tornado has gone through it cross your fingers, that just because I used this as a literary example, we won't have tornadoes tonight.... I'm a procrastinator. Probably the world's LARGEST procrastinator.  I've had the new push in my mind to make myself change, or at least work on some things. For example, I'm cleaning my room today, and since I've been spending so much time in here since my surgery, I feel that it will also help in my journey to make myself a bit better of a person.


I know I'm going to have difficulties with this personal quest I've given myself, but I know I can do it.  I remember a bit over a year ago, I went to a youth convention type thing for church.  I was a bit apprehensive to go because I had no idea where I stood with my faith. I knew there was something, but I just wasn't for sure what I felt. I felt that I was an outsider at first that weekend, because I didn't know the Bible like some of the other kids, I felt like I didn't know God.  Saturday night a pastor who had come to guest speak changed my life, helped me see what I wanted to be apart of, God's family.  I learned that weekend, that even if you weren't a Christian by birth, it didn't mean you couldn't be a Christian, it was a choice that you had decide. I had already labeled myself a Christian by that weekend, but that weekend onward, it made me feel like I really wanted to put in the effort and really be a Christian.


I highly suggest, if you're still reading this, that you check out that video, and even the rest of Kathy's channel.  There's a chance that she could get you thinking and maybe give you the urge to change some things around in your life. Hard habits are hard to break, but it doesn't hurt to give it a shot.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

change of pace

I have just recently decided that I'm changing up my blog, and broadening my topics of my blog posts.  I have a feeling that there will be a lot of blogging about Harry Potter going on.  Book and movie reactions possibly and just a bunch of random stuff...stuff that will actually make this seem a little more...blog-ish...and not so downing.

new found annoyance

First off, I'd like to start this blog entry saying that this is the first blog post in like a month, and the first post with a new hip...

_______________

I've already figured out, in the two weeks and counting of having a new hip, a hip that is...well not deformed and crappy like my previous natural this sounds weird, I know, but it makes total sense to me.... hip that I have to do things differently than I did before my hip replacement.  And I know that some of the stuff is just due to lack of mobility I have because I'm still learning and training my muscles to do things all over again, but there is stuff that I have to do differently than before in order to help protect my hip so that it will last the some odd 25 years that it's supposed to last... And of course, things feel different.  For instance, before my hip replacement, I walked with a limp because my right leg was slightly shorter by a couple of inches.  Now, I feel like my legs are the same length and that my hips are finally leveled.  And a plus with this is, my back no longer hurts as badly as it had...

The one thing that has me slightly worried, and very annoyed, is that I still do have a bit of a limp.  Granted, it is no where NEAR as bad as it was before.  I'm trying to keep it positive, telling myself that it's just because I'm not used to putting weight on that leg, and that in time I will evenutally be able to walk without a limp, but there is always that small part of me that argues and disagrees I am a debater, so that doesn't work in favor of myself in anyway...

I've decided though, tonight, that even if my limp never goes away, as long as it's not causing me the pain that I experienced before, and that I can live a productive life; I won't care about the slight limp.  It'll make me unique.

...and for those haters out there, just be warned, I might be using a walker right now, but I can move pretty damn fast. So watch out...